Anonymous wrote:Can you trade mornings/afternoons off for "me" time? ie, each one of you gets a 3 hour break on a saturday or a sunday. just going to starbucks to sit by yourself for a bit can be a big help.

OP here. I could try this, but honestly I don't really want to go sit by myself at Starbucks. I'd rather have lunch with my wife, or - if I had any friends left - do something with one of them. But it's an idea....worth proposing. The tough thing is my wife interprets anything "Let's leave the kids with a babysitter" (or with each other) as somehow the same as "Fuck the kids! Abandon them! Tell them you don't love them!"... So wanting a life outside diapers = You are a shitty dad/mom... Thus, any mention of such activities is met with some resistance.
Even dropping the kids off at her parents (who would LOVE it) is generally a great way to start a fight. Proposing an overnight is probably on par to suggesting we drop the kids at an orphanage in her head.

Can you trade mornings/afternoons off for "me" time? ie, each one of you gets a 3 hour break on a saturday or a sunday. just going to starbucks to sit by yourself for a bit can be a big help.

OP here. Sigh. Just realized I haven't had dinner with a friend - not that i have any left - in over 2 years. Ugh

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. You need to get out, now. My husband and I have regular date nights (monthly) and we each have a monthly guys/girls night out with friends. Not to mention, time off. Yesterday, he took the kids while I had a brunch with friends. Today, I took them while he and the guys watched the game.

You need to talk. Now.

That is all great, but don't you feel like you're growing apart? I miss my alone time with my husband and monthly isn't very often.

Anonymous wrote:wow, it would suck to be your child! I feel sorry for your children.

not op - but you suck. way to be helpful

OP you need to make time for the stuff you enjoy or you will be a half ass parent. Make an effort to go to the gym, find some friends, go away for a ski weekend with the wife. Something!

I wonder about adding another child for this reason. Now our daughter is about 20 months and I finally feel like things are manageable, but yeah still we have nothing resembling the life we used to.

wow, it would suck to be your child! I feel sorry for your children.

Yikes. You need to get out, now. My husband and I have regular date nights (monthly) and we each have a monthly guys/girls night out with friends. Not to mention, time off. Yesterday, he took the kids while I had a brunch with friends. Today, I took them while he and the guys watched the game.

You need to talk. Now.

Anonymous wrote:So sorry you're having a tough time. How old are your kids? Mine are almost 2 and almost 4, and while they are still a ton of work, things are gradually getting easier. They can play together more now, which helps a lot. They're both out of diapers, which helps too!

Things will get easier.

Mine are 8mo and almost 3

OP - you need a break, regardless of what else is going on.

We all get stressed sometimes - but you should not dread every moment of parenting. Perhaps you are depressed? Or perhaps you don't truly feel this way all the time?

All of the above...and we do hire a sitter, have family help here and there. I think my husband is also a bit happier than me...maybe he has a diff outlook, but I am miserable!!! 2 kids- 16 mnths apart. 2 and 4 yrs old. Sorry I can not offer advice, aside from get a sitter and if your wife doesn't agree, leave her with the sitter and go out yourself to a movie, etc (if you are not too tired...many days I cant even get out when we can arrange a plan). Try not to feel to guilty. Hopefully it gets better...that is what everyone seems t say. BTW, so happy tom is MOnday!

So sorry you're having a tough time. How old are your kids? Mine are almost 2 and almost 4, and while they are still a ton of work, things are gradually getting easier. They can play together more now, which helps a lot. They're both out of diapers, which helps too!

Things will get easier.

Time for you and your wife to have a sit down and either come to an agreement or go into counseling.

Set date nights weekly or biweekly (or something like that) for nights in or out. Hire a babysitter occasionally. Trade off watching the kids so you can take turns having a break. You'll feel so much better.

I just don't enjoy parenting. Diapers. Screaming. Tempter tantrums. I have no friends in my life because all I do - all I ever fucking do - is parent. I literally have zero friends. I don't do any of the things I used to enjoy anymore. I don't go out. I don't ski. I can't go to a movie, or have brunch, or even go for a hike, or have a beer with a friend, or anything. I don't excercise - cause I'm up from 6am to 8pm either at work or with the kids, then I get to clean and spend my time crawling into bed, nervously hoping the kids don't get up. Day in. Day out. There's never a break, never a day off, never a moments rest. I'm cooking, cleaning, running errands, putting out fires, and dealing with all sorts of zero-reward crap. I feel like my life is basically an unrelenting excercise in just coping with stress. If its not one kid, its the other. The moments where something pleasant happens are gone in a microsecond; replaced by some other fucking todo. I go to work to escape my kids because I can't stand my weekends anymore. My weekend is Monday. I dread Saturday and Sunday. My wife won't hire a babysitter because she feels guilty, so I'm stuck at home every day of my life. I don't have the money for a cleaning lady or a nanny. Drop off kids, work, pick them up, deal with screaming and crying, repeat. again and again.

Life with two kids is just miserable. Maybe one day this will get easier. I hope.