I'm 33 and have decided my career can take a backseat to my family. I work (hard) at a career that is strictly 40 hrs a week. I don't care right now if I get promoted or not, and I have a side business that I can ramp up if my job ever becomes in jeopardy. DH is the one who will likely get promoted (I put him through law school a few years ago and things are going well for him, career-wise).

I also think that smart, talented, motivated people can always find a way to make things work in their careers, so I am not worried and think you shouldn't be, either. Then again, I'm in a field (tech) that does pretty well in the DC area, so that could also explain my laid-backness with it all.

My older and wiser (?) perspective (I'm 42) is that you never get to stop "sacrificing" for your resume. It's tough out there. There is always someone who is willing to work longer hours and work for less money than you, and there will always be people breathing down your neck for your job. You are always replaceable. And there are always people who are just smarter and better than you, with whom you can only compete if you can outwork/out politic them. Stay on top of your game. Actively pursue jobs that will be the next step in your career while doing a bang-up job at your current gig. Don't burn any bridges.

You're what, 30 at the oldest? Life is long. If you want kids, a house, a decent life where you can live in a safe neighborhood, provide for your children, and have a decent retirement, you can't ever take you foot all the way off the pedal. Sure, once you've attained a certain level of success and you feel that you have some cushion you can ease up a bit, and certainly there is a happy medium where you can earn a decent living without being the CEO or whatever, but don't check out. And it isn't always about working hard or getting the right degree. It is about working smart. Knowing which way the wind is blowing, positioning yourself so you have a skill that is relevant and in demand, and handling your finances responsibly so that when the opportunity arises you have a financial safety net to take a risk on a dream job.

My perspective anyway.

I'm one of those folks hanging on to what I have, though I dread coming to work every day. Being out of work is worse.

Anonymous wrote:Hm. Well, my DH has been looking for more than a year in the toughest job market of his career. He is riddled with prestigious diplomas, and all the rest of it.

I would hang on to whatever acceptable job you can get.

OP here -- it is stories like this that have kept me hanging on for the last 9 months and keeps me continuing to do so, save as much as I can etc.

Hm. Well, my DH has been looking for more than a year in the toughest job market of his career. He is riddled with prestigious diplomas, and all the rest of it.

I would hang on to whatever acceptable job you can get.

I went to a top tier undergrad, even more prestigious grad and decided to take a path where my income 5 years out of school night only be $200k and in ten years maybe $300k. I didn't chose the lucrative options where $200k was your first year comp and $1M would be my ten year comp.

I did tips because I realized that I won't die on my deathbed saying "I wish I'd retired with another $2 or $3M." I'll die saying I wished I'd traveled more, seen family more, etc.

It's hard to see my friends take a helicopter to work, flying on gulfstreams, or buying in the hamptons or Tahoe or - as someone did this week - booking a trip to Everest base camp ($18,000) for fun. But I see value on the other end too. It's their wives going to the hamptons, not them. I'm home at 5pm, they start the 2nd half of their day at 5pm. I want to take a weekend in the Bahamas, I can. They can't. The own a lot but work all the time. I don't own as much but I work less.

It's a bit of a struggle not to sometimes question my decision to not pursue the uber-lucrative options, but I'm growing more and more at ease with it. In fact, I told my wife that once I get the next promotion, I probably don't want any more.

Anonymous wrote:Risk aversion seems to get the better of me. If you affirmatively chose your situation (i.e. it isn’t about being in an industry like teaching where you top out at below 100k no matter how hard you work) and something were to go wrong down the road, wouldn’t you say “should have taken the job that paid 50k more when I was 30 -- at least we’d be more financially secure?” You sound very content, and I really do envy that.

Responding to 14:34.

Risk aversion seems to get the better of me. If you affirmatively chose your situation (i.e. it isn’t about being in an industry like teaching where you top out at below 100k no matter how hard you work) and something were to go wrong down the road, wouldn’t you say “should have taken the job that paid 50k more when I was 30 -- at least we’d be more financially secure?” You sound very content, and I really do envy that.

I have never sacrificed for my resume, and I'd say it's been a tradeoff. Our HHI is below $100k, we have zero savings for our 6 y.o.'s college, and we are carrying $20k in credit card debt. However, we still have 25% equity in a house we like (even if it is small), we think our child is getting a great education in his public school, and I enjoy my job. My husband's family thinks we're failures; I think we have an abundance of love and sanity.

OP here -- don't have kids but hope to and I certainly will not be living in NYC with children. The concrete juggle, who goes to what private school, childhood is just not what I would want.

I think I understood that life was not merit based but did not realize how bad I would be at handling disappointment. My view on schools, jobs etc. was to grab the credentials (and money) while I could so I would have "options." I didn't want to be in a position where I did whatever made me happy from day 1 and then found out 5 years later that a certain company wouldn't hire me because I didn't have x credential or experience in my first few years out of school - if that makes sense. Now companies won't hire me for all sorts of economic reasons ... so clearly my thinking worked out.

Also, I suggest you become a little more internally motivated now. It seems like you expected that life is merit based, like a test or school admissions. Now you know that it is not - no matter how hard you work and how perfectly you do, you may not win. So now it is time to do what you want and stop seeing the world as a series of brass rings, because it is not anymore.

Whenever you want!!! It makes sense to put in the effort to get those initial credentials that will last a life time, but after that, life is yours to live.

Do you have kids or plan to? Responses may hinge on that!

Like many people here, I suspect, I have always done the “right” things career and education wise. I went to the hardest schools I could get into, tried to stay as close to the top of the class as I could, accepted the job after graduation that would look best resume wise and give me the most options later, killed myself at said job etc. Having done that for 7-8 years, I find myself living in a city I don’t really like (NYC) for a job that has become mediocre, where I just learned that I won’t make a certain promotion and need to be out the door before they kick me out (it’s an up or out environment). Like millions of other Americans, I am now job searching in this economy and finding that it’s next to impossible to get noticed, even when your network is pushing your resume along. So much for all that sacrifice . . . .

I could go to another similar place and kill myself to see if I can make the same promotion but part of me just wants to say screw it all -- keep collecting the paycheck here for however long it lasts and then just move on. I can afford to bum around for a while though it will totally screw up my resume. I would like to end up in DC -- not sure what I’d do for workbut I am looking. And part of me thinks that if all else fails, I open a modest small business and live on whatever that brings in (I realize it’s not easy as it sounds and the ice cream shops, convenient stores etc have their own struggles.)

I’m just so tired of working so hard and then getting screwed because the politics doesn’t go my way or the firm decides that its 5 year plan is to shrink my department so they aren’t going to promote any others or essentially because I'm not the drinking buddy of any of the top decision makers. (I'm not saying I bear no fault in getting passed over but the feedback I'm getting is that it is more about the business model than about me and no one is likely getting the promotion.)

Is there a time in life when you said “I’ll do something else just for the paycheck” or “my life/health matters more.” Thoughts?