OP here. Sigh. 5:41 has it spot on - she wants people to know her power/status and kiss the ring. I wrote the note, but it sounds like I need to think about moving in the long term...

My friend was just terminated by a woman like this. The lady monitored her computer and fired her for using the Internet for personal reasons (citing looking at a coat online and checking personal email). So just be careful.

Mary Anne?

Yes. The stress was terrible. I left.

If her name is Jennifer, it's best to quit. About 7 already have...

It sounds to me, OP, that this is the "Top Dog" wanting you to belly up and show her you know she is alpha. It has nothing to do with your conduct. It is a test that you know she is the alpha. Roll, over, show your belly, and she may back off. Write a note that says that you are memorializing the conversation and want to work with her more productively in the future.

If this goes on constantly, then you need to leave.

I haven't been in this position but I have been in situations where there were issues with people higher up. I can't say whether she will be found out but I can tell you that if you try to make it an issue, complain about her to HR etc - it won't be worth the battle. Either you will be drained by the effort of tolerating her behavior, which you will have to carefully document if you want to report it, and you will end up leaving, or she will find a way to fire you because you're annoying her. I agree with PP - look for a new job and get out while you can. Sounds like she is narcissistic more than anything - she can charm her peers and superiors, but her MO is to crush everyone who isn't of value to her.

I lived through this at a small nonprofit. She had churned through four people in my position before me in a very short time, but had little oversight. I knew about the turnover, but accepted her explanation during my interview. Ha! I didn't have another job lined up when I left and still felt less stressed than working for her.

I quit, this past Friday to be exact. I slept through the night this past weekend for the first time in probably 2 months.

Yup. Horrible person. I gave notice after six-months.

Yep. I had to quit. And I am no shrinking violet but it was clear that regular strategy wasn't going to work on crazy.

PPs - This woman comes from a big regulatory agency -- did your crazies come from a similar background? I have always been in the private sector - are agencies more militaristic in their approach, or is she simply just cray-cray?

What do you? QUIT!
Been there, and I quit. It was sweet relief.

Been there done that. Unfortunately, in my case she had the big wigs fooled and despite the 100% turnover in her group nothing has happened to her. Get out now before you are forced out.

I have just had my first run in with an executive at my company who is known to be comically vindictive and conniving to those below her in the organization, while her peers and seniors have no clue. I had heard the stories but hadn't had any run ins until recently, when she questioned my "tone" during a phone call, told my direct boss to remind me that she was my superior and the demanded that I write a NOTE OF APOLOGY to SHOW MY RESPECT. (Seriously.)

Please note that during the conversation I was perfectly polite and cheery- though frankly that isn't even the issue! I have never worked under someone who behaved like this or who used her position to demand respect and reverence. I feel l may wake up with a horse head in my bed if I'm not careful.

Has anyone else ever weathered through this type of person? Do their flaws eventually become known to the senior staff or should I just start looking for a new job now?