Well, I guess we will find out tomorrow. I don't think it will be a huge topic of conversation unless the adult in their lives make it a big deal.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my second grade son will hear about this at school from his classmates, therefore DH and I decided it was best for him to hear about it from us first. Any parents who think their school-aged children will not hear about this at school are exercising some serious wishful-thinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't plan to tell my almost 7yo, and maybe I'm being naive, but I don't expect it to be a major topic of conversation.

I agree. I am not going to tell my 7 yo either. If my parents told me about every tragedy that happened during my childhood, I would probably be a basket case right now.

Same here.

My 6 YO asked me about it - we had the radio on and he heard the news.

We talked about it - the same way we have discussed other events including tornados, huricannes, the war in the middle east. I let him lead, ask some probing questions to get a sense of what he wants to know about and don't try to explain the entire event.

I assume they will talk about it at church tomorrow and would prefer to have a sense of where he is than to have him fill in all the blanks.

I told my 7 year old this morning. She'll hear about it either at school or from friends who have older sibs, so I'd rather she hear it from me first.

Anonymous wrote:I don't plan to tell my almost 7yo, and maybe I'm being naive, but I don't expect it to be a major topic of conversation.

I agree. I am not going to tell my 7 yo either. If my parents told me about every tragedy that happened during my childhood, I would probably be a basket case right now.

I told my 7 yr old today b/c I know he will hear about it on Monday from other kids. He isn't an overly anxious kid so it isn't something he is going to dwell on.

How do you intend to keep your child from hearing about it?

Anonymous wrote:Haven't told my 8 y.o DD yet. She has not mentioned anything about it -- we've kept the newspaper and any relevant tv channels away from her. But she did go online yesterday afternoon before I got home and I didn't remember to tell our au pair that our homepage would have a screaming headline about this. But still no mention and she seems totally happy and normal today. I'm sitting tight and waiting to see what comes up in conversation Monday after school. At that point I may ask if any of the kids were talking about anything interesting at school. As upset as I am, I don't see any need to burden her with it unless she has independent knowledge of it. As PP said, I may be naive but it's possible that by Monday it may not be a major topic of conversation among the second-grade set.

+1

Haven't told my 8 y.o DD yet. She has not mentioned anything about it -- we've kept the newspaper and any relevant tv channels away from her. But she did go online yesterday afternoon before I got home and I didn't remember to tell our au pair that our homepage would have a screaming headline about this. But still no mention and she seems totally happy and normal today. I'm sitting tight and waiting to see what comes up in conversation Monday after school. At that point I may ask if any of the kids were talking about anything interesting at school. As upset as I am, I don't see any need to burden her with it unless she has independent knowledge of it. As PP said, I may be naive but it's possible that by Monday it may not be a major topic of conversation among the second-grade set.

I don't plan to tell my almost 7yo, and maybe I'm being naive, but I don't expect it to be a major topic of conversation.

With a seven year-old I think you have to since someone's parents will and then the kids will talk about it amongst themselves. For a kid younger than school-age I would skip it, but better for a school-age kid to hear something from you than get the information filtered through another seven year-old on Monday.

Sorry, here's the full text:


To all,

The loss of life in the Newtown shootings saddens us all. Your child's safety
at CA is of the utmost importance to us and we will remain vigilant in providing
a secure environment. We will continue to lock all outside doors during the
school day and look into installing a buzzer system for the front door. There
are security cameras inside and outside the building that are monitored at the
front desk and record continuously. The front door is closely monitored and all
visitors must sign in and state their reason for being in the school before
gaining access. Given the small size of our school, the presence of over 30
adults in the building during school hours also provides a measure of awareness
and safety for your children.

On Monday, our counselors will be attending morning meetings for the Lower
School students and be available for all students, as needed, as the students
begin to process and cope with the knowledge of this tragedy. Please keep in
mind that children respond to tragedy differently than adults.

Over this weekend, consider using the article below as a guide in helping you
talk to your children.

Helping Children Cope with The Newtown Shootings

Robert Evans, Ed.D. and Mark Kline, Psy.D.

"Unbelievably, there has been yet another school shooting, this time with awful
carnage, 20 students and 6 teachers dead. And barely two hours from Boston. We
have had too many of these in America. Each time, our sense of fragility looms
even larger. We're reminded that none of us can entirely guarantee our own
safety or that of our children, our teachers, our colleagues and friends.

There is no technology or template for coping with this kind of event. We feel
shock and disbelief, sorrow for the victims, anger at its unfairness, despair
that guns remain so available to those who commit these atrocities. And most of
us think immediately about how to be helpful to our children.

This, too, can seem difficult. We worry about saying too much or too little,
about not having enough information, about saying the wrong thing. Fortunately,
the things that have been helpful in past tragedies that have struck our schools
and communities are likely to be helpful again. Though there is no perfect
approach, these four points that can help when talking with children.

1. Don't over-assume what the events means to them. It is common for an adult
to feel, "If I'm this upset, they must be even more so." But this is by no means
always true. Students react differently depending on their closeness to the
situation, their own personalities, and so on. Some may be deeply moved, others
less so. Some may have many questions, others fewer. Not all will be intensely
affected. Showing little reaction does not automatically mean a student is
hiding or denying his or her feelings. At the same time, a few students who have
little immediate reaction may become upset later on, even in a way that doesn't
make sense to them. There is no universal timetable.

2. Children and adolescents are remarkably resilient. They may become quite
upset, but given a chance to express what they feel, most usually resume their
normal lives—and often do so more rapidly than we adults. There is reason to
worry about students who show sustained—not temporary—changes in their mood and
behavior. In such cases, it is good to consult a school counselor or other
professional. But most students donot benefit from extensive, probing
questioning about their reactions. They do profit from simple, direct
information and from parents and teachers being available to respond to their
questions and to listen when they themselves want to talk.

3. If you receive difficult questions it can be useful to understand these
before answering them. Often a question is spurred by a feeling. Rather than
plunging into an immediate answer, it can be helpful to learn what motivates the
question by asking, "What made you think of that?" or "Can you tell me what you
were thinking about?" Once you know the source of the question, it is easier to
answer effectively.

4. There may be questions you cannot answer, which can make you feel
inadequate. But all of us are typically more comforted by straight talk than by
false assurances. Rather than inventing a response, it can be much more helpful
to say, "I don't know," and to ask, "What have you heard?" or, "Did you have an
idea about that?" And don't worry if, in responding, you become emotional a time
or two. It is alright for students to know that adults are moved by losses.

Above all, coping with such an awful event is not primarily a matter of
technique, not something best handled by a particular set of tactics that
deviate sharply from one's familiar patterns of communication. The regular
routines of both school and family life are, all by themselves, a source of
comforting continuity and assurance. Adults will rarely go wrong by relying on
what is most basic between them and their children—caring and connection. At
these times, your presence—your simply being with them, their knowing that you
are available—can be just what they need."

Make sure you take the time this weekend, and everyday, to hug your child.

Regards,

Susan Johnson


Susan J. Johnson, Ph.D.


Head of School
Commonwealth Academy
1321 Leslie Avenue, Alexandria, VA 22301
Office: 703-548-6912 | Fax: 703-548-6914 | www.CommonwealthAcademy.org
Susan_Johnson@CommonwealthAcademy.org

My daughter's school, Commonwealth Academy, sent a detailed letter written (very fast!) by a Dr. of Education and a Dr. of Psy.that specifically tells parents how to talk about shootings to young children and adolescents over the weekend. Commonwealth Academy also plans to have counselors in place on Monday for children to talk to.

Here's the article to provide some guidance; hope it is of some help:

http://mail.aol.com/37267-111/aol-6/en-us/mail/DisplayMessage.aspx?ws_popup=true

I have a 7 year old who seems fairly well balanced. I would not describe him as inherently anxious. Should I tell him about the Sandy Hook atrocity? Someone posted this question with respect to a 4 year old and was almost uniformly told not to discuss the incident with the child. But, a 7 year old is more likely to receive the news from a third party at school and pay attention to it. I mean, kids that age read newspapers, watch TV, overhear conversations, get pieces of information from older siblings and parents. They'll disseminate the news among their friends at school. This is an unprecedented incident and I think it's going to be hard to keep school aged children in the dark about it. Isn't it better for a 7 year old's parents to get the news directly from his parents? It seems like he will be more anxious if he hears it from a friend and doesn't know what to make of it.