I'd like to know...
And moms have asked me that at drop-off, too

I would be concerned, as well. Why, you ask? Because I LOVED going over to my friends' houses -- the friends that had older brothers, that is. I hit puberty at 11. While all the parents involved were trustworthy, we kids had our ways of being sneaky. I doubt any parent, no matter how trustworthy, is going to sit in the same room as the kids the whole night just to make sure no hanky-panky will be going on. lol

Anonymous wrote:So you are telling me that when my kids are older DD shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers bc she has an older (and younger) brother?

No. Everyone is talking about having information. Not about forbidding sleepovers. But what would you do if your daughter was invited to her best friend's house for a sleepover, only to find an older boy there who's been giving her trouble at school, or in the neighborhood?

You are being a little silly. My girls have friends sleep over almost every weekend. And they have two older teen brothers. It seems like we always have a house full of kids. I couldn't have provided you a list of who was sleeping over because I usually didn't even know. Teenage boys don't have "sleepovers"....they just "crash" at whatever house has the best food.

OP, I'm not a paranoid person and generally am pretty chill, but I think it is a reasonable thing to want to know what older boys will be at a sleepover of preteen girls. In general I think it would be great if the older brother could arrange to be over at someone else's house.

I have an older boy and a younger girl, and lately I have started letting people know where the older boy will be, and whether he'll have a friend over himself. If so, I keep a close eye out. THe kids are all good kids, but the boys are now at the age where they can get really goofy and inappropriate, and the younger girls frankly are a great audience to egg them on.

OP, since you're the one who's most concerned, and you're the one who is ultimately responsible for your daughter's safety, the burden is on you to ask who else will be in the house.

Maybe it's a creepy older brother, maybe it's creepy grandparents living in a downstairs apartment, maybe it's creepy neighbors, maybe it's a creepy pet. No one else can predict what might scare you, so YOU need to be the one to begin the conversation.

So you are telling me that when my kids are older DD shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers bc she has an older (and younger) brother?

There is nothing wrong with knowing who is in the house with your nine year old.

Anonymous wrote:If you trust the parents of DD's friend to keep her, you should trust them to manage their own son.

I agree with this but the issue doesn't seem to be the son, but the fact he's got an unknown friend over.

I think viewing a teenage boy as having sexual feelings or desires toward a nine year old is pretty far-fetched. I might be concerned if my DD was 12.

You are NOT being weird OP. I know that this might sound paranoid to the above pps, but kids don't usually get molested by people they don't know, they get molested by people who are allowed in their radius that their parents may not even know of. These could be relatives, friends, friends of friends, or random teenage kids who are present during a sleepover. You have to be alert to who is under the same roof as your child, and I do not think you are being weird at all.

Don't listen to the other posters. I would want to know what males are in the house. The parents might not know the brother's friend very well. I went to a sleepover at a girlfriend's house for her birthday. Her older brother's creepy friend flashed us and thought it was funny. We were all too embarrassed to tell her parents. Years later a friend told me she spent the night at that house on another occasion and the creepy brother's friend pinned her down and groped her.

Uhh...no. You are being weird.

If you trust the parents of DD's friend to keep her, you should trust them to manage their own son.

Am I off the rails here? I'm a little annoyed after finding out the 9 yo dd was invited to sleep over at a friend's house the same night the friend's older, teenage brother also had overnight company. I didn't learn that there was a teenage boy I didn't know sleeping in the same house until after the fact.

As a rule, I'm not a paranoid type, and I don't regard every male as a potential sexual molester. But, still, am I within my rights to ask that I be at least told of other males in the house ahead of time?