OP here - thank you so much. These are really helpful suggestions and gave us lots of good stuff to think about and try. Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous wrote:CAREFUL! My DS is allergic to soy and most margarine is made with SOY OIL. Because it is a highly processed fat, my DS actually does not react to small amounts of conventional soy oil, but large amounts or less-processed organic oil/margarine is not safe. I wouldn't make your child's birthday party the first place he tries it. I use palm oil in cakes, haven't tried it in frosting. My friend uses coconut oil, but my DS doesn't like the taste.

I was going to say the same thing. Margarine is generally NOT safe for those with a soy allergy. Also, "Parvae" does not mean it is completely dairy free; see this website (especially important for those people with a severe dairy allergy http://www.godairyfree.org/food-and-grocery/food-label-info/understanding-kosher). Our son has a dairy/soy allergy so I understand how hard it can be to find safe foods!
Cherrybrook Kitchen has a "safe" cake mix, or you can make it from scratch. Dairy substitutes can be either coconut or almond milk. For butter in recipes we either use coconut oil (Costco now sells an organic version in a 54oz container for $15!) or Earth Balance Soy-free spread (all versions of Earth Balance are dairy free). I just made this frosting for his birthday and no one knew it was dairy/soy free! http://dairyfreecooking.about.com/od/sweetsaucesfrostings/r/chocfrost.htm
I used the Soy-free Earth Balance in place of butter, vanilla almond milk, and Hershey's Special Dark cocoa powder. It was delicious!

CAREFUL! My DS is allergic to soy and most margarine is made with SOY OIL. Because it is a highly processed fat, my DS actually does not react to small amounts of conventional soy oil, but large amounts or less-processed organic oil/margarine is not safe. I wouldn't make your child's birthday party the first place he tries it. I use palm oil in cakes, haven't tried it in frosting. My friend uses coconut oil, but my DS doesn't like the taste.

Mexican Chocolate Cake from realsimple.com. I usually put vegan chocolate chips in the batter and put sliced almonds on the glaze. Personally, I sub lemon juice for the vinegar and omit the chili powder. But I'm sure it would be good with them, too.

I agree with PP - dairy free shouldn't be a big deal. Make any cake from scratch (thus no soy) and replace the butter with margarine.

I did a coconut-milk ice cream cake for my son's bday when he was on an allergy testing exclusion diet, so it is free of everything - buy the coconut milk ice cream, soften it, press it into a cake pan. Make frosting from margarine rather than butter, and frost. Challenge is that the frosting hardens very quickly when it hits the cold ice cream, but its doable!

Congratulations on your little guy's bday!

Dairy free cake is usually pretty straight forward. You can substitute margarine for butter in most recipes. Just check the ingrediants in your margarine, as some contain small amounts of dairy. If it is marked as Kosher Parve, you should be ok. Get the sticks, not the spread, as that will imitate butter best.

I know this isn't the healthiest solution, due to the transfats in margarine, but, hey,it's a birthday cake!

I know there must be previous threads but I'm overwhelmed. I"m looking for a dairy-free, soy-free cake and frosting recipe for a little guy turning 1 who shouldn't miss out on throwing his face into cake just b/c he has some allergies.

Alternatively, are there any places in DC that make such cakes? Or cupcakes?

Thanks!