This is going to taste prepared, so sorry it doesn't meet your needs, OP. But might be of interest to others.
Popeye's does Thanksgiving takeout. A small turkey (I think 10-12 lbs.), Cajun seasoned, with sides and biscuits, and I think it's only like $45 or something. If anyone's really on a budget or just really likes Popeye's, seems like a deal.

Quite a few of the clubs do it too. Both the downtown clubs and the golf country clubs. That way dad gets to go golf, but he brings home the turkey. Everyone wins!

Yes, Whole Foods is good. You can order a turkey that's completely prepped and ready to go. Just bring it home and pop it in the oven. We did this for the first time a few years ago (first time I ever cooked a turkey) and I was amazed at how well it turned out. Basically, all I did was periodic basting with a stick of butter. Now we do it this way every year. I'm also a big fan of their sage stuffing and turkey gravy.

Balducci's does it too.

I ordered mine from Boston Market left year. I looked at Whole Foods and they were really, really expensive. Boston market was good. Very traditional.

OP here. Not what I was looking for. Thanks for your "help" though.

Just cook. It isn't difficult.

So I'm trying to not be so overwhelmed with hosting 20+ people. Where can I order a prepared Turkey and/or prepared sides that don't taste prepared? Whole Foods perhaps? Thanks for any ideas. I've never been that interested in cooking, frankly. But its my turn this year.