Similar light conversation that you would have with an acquaintance. It doesn't have to be teen specific.

ie: talk about school, talk about plans for the holidays, etc.

when your DCs are that age you'll be surprised that you no longer are intimidated by them. I used to be intimidated by middle schoolers until I had one.

Ask about how they like their school, any fun plans coming up, what they are doing for the holidays, etc. Normal things you would chit chat with an acquaintance about. Dont try any teen specific conversation.

OP here
Thank you! Great suggestions!
I didn't grow up here and have only just moved, maybe that's why I find it a bit harder! But great ideas

Music.

I taught high school for years. I'd tell them that I'm absolutely old, uncool, and a grade A nerd. Then I'd ask them what I should be listening to and why. Worked every time. Still works, although now I ask what I'm missing on youtube as well.

OP, I remember feeling the way you do! Now, many years later, our kids are in HS and college, and I really enjoy talking with their friends. I agree completely with the HS teacher who posted to say that teens love to talk. Some suggestions for topics to pursue: sports or other activities you know they enjoy, movies or TV shows, current events, travel, pets. You can even talk about school in an open-ended way, e.g., "So, how do you like 9th-grade?", but not "Is the high school good?" or "Where are you applying to college?". Bottom line: be friendly and don't interview them; give them time to answer and really listen to them. My guess is they will respond positively. Now that my older 2 kids are in college, I've noticed that when they return home on breaks, they're always genuinely pleased to see adult neighbors, friends from church, folks who have hired them to babysit or care for pets and other adults who have shown an interest in them during their high-school years.

I don't think you need to pretend to be clueless about things and need their help. They are people, just talk to them like a regular person. It might take a little time but you should be able to find something to talk about.

High school teacher here. Kids love to talk, but it might be that after a long day of waking up too early, high school, after school activities and then baby sitting they have nothing left to talk about. Talking with adults is sometimes hard work and it might be a relief to say nothing. Have them fidget with your radio to find a good station because you're not sure good stations even exist anymore. Tell them you need to start exposing your kids to good music and have no idea where to start. That might get them talking or at least fill the void with something other than silence. Leave the substantial stuff about their lives out because they will probably just see you as another adult that doesn't really care and is just being nosey (no offense!).
Good luck. It is great of you to be thinking about them like this

Talk about current events. Ask if they're playing any sports/music etc. Offer some pot.

Try not to be intrusive. You may want to know about their lives but they may not want to share. And talk to them as you would an adult. Teens actually like that.

So, tell me about the high school. We don't know whether to go public or private with our kids. What is your opinion?

When did you get a cell phone? Mary Ellen is in 5th grade and is asking for one and I just don't have a sense of when is the right time.

Do you pay for your phone or do your parents? How did you guys work that out?

Anonymous wrote:Ok, plenty of parents of teenagers here ...
My sons are 3 and 5, and we have teenagers who baybsit, twomous and one girl, between 16 and 19 years old.
I don't know why, but I am kind of intimidated by them. When I drive them home, etc, conversations are difficult. I care about them and wnat to know about their lives, but don't want to sound nosey. So don't know what to say or talk about.
Any ideas please?
I understand that this might be something that comes with their age, close down and no conversation, but I am up for the challenge

Things not to say:
So, do you like Taylor Swift?
Do kids still say things are mint/bitchin?
Want to share a joint? I can park around the corner, and have eye drops in the glove compartment.

Things to say:
Hey, next time you're over, would you mind showing me how to send pics on my cell phone (or anything else involving your cell phone)/set up Skype/Facetime?
So, did you see the video from last night where Taylor Swift was performing and fell off the stage?
You're in 11th right? That was my hardest grade in high school. What are you taking this year?

Ok, plenty of parents of teenagers here ...
My sons are 3 and 5, and we have teenagers who baybsit, twomous and one girl, between 16 and 19 years old.
I don't know why, but I am kind of intimidated by them. When I drive them home, etc, conversations are difficult. I care about them and wnat to know about their lives, but don't want to sound nosey. So don't know what to say or talk about.
Any ideas please?
I understand that this might be something that comes with their age, close down and no conversation, but I am up for the challenge