She's 13. Who's buying the clothes?

Anonymous wrote:I have no advice, but I really wish we could stop using the word slutty and slut. So demeaning.

I think that is the OP's point, that dressing in a slutty way is demeaning.

Anonymous wrote:The Abercombie phase passes, usually by 10th grade. I loathe that store.

Be careful that you aren't reacting because of her weight. It sounds like she has a healthy body image and thats really great.

I loathe Abercrombie, too. So rude to the parents. Hollister seems to be nicer to the parents. Also larger sizes.

OP how old is your DD?

I think it's one thing, when she is say, under 16, where you set 'house rules' on what she's allowed to wear. No skirts shorter than 16", for example, and no tube tops.

BUT - realize she'll likely change when she gets to school, and that's her decision.

If she's older - 16 or more - then only offer guidance if she asks for it (how does this look, Mom?)? I would try to not be overly critical, but definitely use the opportunity to brief her on the 'rules' of fashion - you show leg but not cleavage, etc. Make sure you DVR 'what not to wear' and watch it together for tips!!!

Otherwise, this is the fashion now - I have a 19yo cousin in college and it's minidresses, miniskirts, etc. all the time. This is the fashion trend now, sorry to say - even if it makes the most attractive girl look like a stuffed sausage.

Are there guidelines at school? We use those and even if they are not strictly enforced at school say shorts/skirts worn to school must come to fingertips (published guidelines), tops for school have to have 2 finger wide straps and so forth. This helps b/c not all clothes are purchased by us...

The Abercombie phase passes, usually by 10th grade. I loathe that store.

Be careful that you aren't reacting because of her weight. It sounds like she has a healthy body image and thats really great.

OP: Thanks for remarks so far.

OP here: I was rushing before. Current fashion is a bit on the slutty side -- I think I mean Abercombie, which she loves, of course. She is 14. My pet peeves: Abercrombie tube tops. Too much shoulder and neck for day time. Very low cut tops -- 14 (to me) is too young for the full boob look. Body con skirts (stretch pencil skirts) Short, short shorts -- don't love it when the cheek falls out with each step. Compression shorts -- volleyball shorts. She is actually a good girl, who does try to get along with her mom, just she doesn't want to be "different" She is also just a bit plump, so that does not help.

My dd is now 18 and in her second year of university. When she expressed a desire to wear things I thought were inappropriate, I explained why - that some men/boys are raised to think if a girl dresses that way she is inviting catcalling, ass-grabbing, and more, and that I didn't think she was ready to handle that.

Our compromise was that she would take a me-approved self-defense class, and that she would practice what she learned with her father and me, so we could feel comfortable she could handle herself. We also forced her to sit through several speeches on why pants that say "Pink" or "Juicy" are so offensive. I'm still not thrilled that she chooses to walk around wearing sweatpants that say Princess across the ass, but after a year of wearing them around college-town, she's now only wearing them to sleep.

The short skirts and dresses? Well, I did it when I was her age - can't really fault her for wanting to show off cellulite-free legs while she's got them. I think once kids are in college (she went when she was 3 months shy of 17) you need to be content with having sent them off with the information they need to make good decisions.

I have no advice, but I really wish we could stop using the word slutty and slut. So demeaning.

Making it about the clothes is too late. you have to address it through life through teaching about self -respect, modesty etc..

My DD went through this phase and has mostly come out of it. I chose not to stop her because it just wasn't worth the fight and because while I didn't like it, I didn't care enough to make a big deal out of it. She has matured and her clothes have matured. This does pass.

I wouldn't blame you if you tried to stop her but know that there are many girls who simply wait until they are at school and change in the bathroom.

Yes, need more details. Especially what specific clothes are we talking about.

How old of a teen? Who is buying the clothes? And are they really "slutty" or just current fashion?

MY DD has a not so secret desire to dress like a slut "because everyone else does" Any ideas teenager moms?