OP here. They said that when students are 14 or older (DD was 14 last year and now is 15) they need to be at the IEP meeting. We are in MCPS and I don't know if we have a compliance officer. At this point, I don't anticipate having another meeting for a year, but I will insist my daughter not be present.

MERLD is not selective mutism (which is interesting because my daughter babysits a 6-year-old with selective mutism, and I think the girl likes my daughter because she sees a kindred spirit). At any rate, my daughter knows what she wants to say, but she has a hard time getting it from her brain to actual speech. Unfortunately, this was not picked up on by ChildFind or any teachers for all these years. Teachers love her, in fact, because she is quiet and well behaved in class. The dx only came out during neuropsych testing in June.

Long-winded mom back checking in on you. Yes, Wrightslaw.com is great, as his book about writing IEPs. We refused to bring our son into one of the IEP meetings - initially they balked, but we felt it was inappropriate and stood firm. But we did have our psychiatrist, tutor, tester and the County's compliance officer there. They often give you the "self-advocacy" line, but if child has a disability, often they can't argue for themselves. I am not familiar with MERLD but it sounds like Selective Mutism - in either event, if your child ends up in tears it is just plain wrong. 11:54 is correct - it should be a collaborative process but we've had to fight and scratch for every bit of assistance. Now that we are almost out of high school and the FCPS knows us and our son, there is no problem and the year-end IEPs go smoothly and son can self-advocate. But not when they are younger. If I were you, I would really try to find your compliance officer If you are in FCPS, write back and I will go dig up her name and phone no.

Anonymous wrote:That is why we quite this IEP bullshit. Having my 5 yo DD sit in a room where 6-7 people are staring at her like she's diseased pissed me off. That is why chose to go private all the way.

My five yr old has never been asked to attend an IEP meeting, ever. If they told you your child has to attend, at any age, you can say "No".

Looks at the Wrightslaw site and/or get an educational consultant or attorney if you need support at the meetings. An IEP meeting should be collaborative process and you as the parent have just as much authority and even more than any other member of the team. Don't let them intimidate you.

That is why we quite this IEP bullshit. Having my 5 yo DD sit in a room where 6-7 people are staring at her like she's diseased pissed me off. That is why chose to go private all the way.

Can they really make your daughter attend?
I would check that out legally before making her suffer through any more of these meetings.

OP here. I think we got everything we could get, lots of boxes checked off on the forms for accommodations. But I swear the people who run the meetings are so intimidating and imperial, and they talk only in edu-speak.

The worst part of today was they made my DD attend the meeting. She had to go to a meeting last year, where they denied the IEP, and she ended up in tears. So the last meeting, I told them it would not be productive for her to be there.

Well, today they said she had to be there because she had to learn to advocate for herself and understand the IEP. Fair enough, I guess. But they had her come into the room, which had seven administrators and me already seated and started this whole formal meeting, where some of it I couldn't even grasp. So she ended up in tears again, and the special ed head said that if she wouldn't participate fully in the meeting, they'd have to cancel it.

Now my daughter is getting an IEP partially for MERLD (mixed expressive-receptive language disorder) and they're firing questions at her and getting mad when she answers with one word or just nods her head. Pretty ironic. What is wrong with this system? Why is it set up for failure? Shouldn't special educators understand how hard it is for some kids to speak up for themselves when faced with a situation like this?

Anyhow, I have had it with them. We do have the IEP, but the pain of getting it may be too high a price for what we have gained.

This +++++

I would also come with any specialists your child has been working with. FCPS tried to cut our DD's services. We came with her psychotherapist who was able to convince them that she truly needed those services. We got them.

OP - long-winded mom checking back in on you - your question went off the "recent" postings so I had to do a serach but found you. It is dispiriting - the whole process is- and like all other parents I had to learn it from scratch. And so many administrators seem to want to block the process of getting help, not advocating for the best needs of the child. Best of luck tomorrow. Do you have a husband? Be sure to make sure he goes too. They'll take you more seriously. It's still a sexist world. And do try to locate your compliance officer - their job is to make sure the schools are in compliance so they don't get sued. Hang in there!

OP here. Thanks for the responses. It's so dispiriting that I feel I have to arm myself for battle every time I have one of these meetings rather than going into a collaborative meeting in which everyone wants to work together to find a way my daughter will learn best.

I have heard about the flurry of those seeking IEPs in early high school for college testing purposes. Well, that was a tiny part of my motivation (I actually began trying to get services back when DD was in fourth grade!) but mainly I want her to do well enough in high school that she'll have choices beyond community college when she graduates. She has the ability to do college work, it's just that classroom tests, finals and SATs won't show that I fear.

Anyhow, for anyone looking for an easy-to-understand comprehensive explanation of how IEPs work, go to http://www.riverbendds.org/index.htm?page=iepguide.html. It's for those with Down Syndrome, but the explanation works for all disabilities, I think.

Long-winded mom back again. I just re-read your post, OP. If you are going to do any further testing, insist that it be blind testing. I have found that if a psychologist has suggested that a patient has ADHD, then, of course, the tester finds ADHD. Often testers will ask to see the old tests. The last go-around, I refused and insisted on blind testing. Guess what? My son had undiagnosed Aspergers, not ADHD, so he is now on the autism spectrum (says so in the IEP) and you will get a much more serious response from the public school if you are autistic than ADHD. Three previous rounds of testing had guessed "executive functioning" "maybe ADHD" "maybe anxiety disorder". Only the fourth got it right and it was only when I insisted that he not see the file in advance.

One other nugget I've learned along the way is that some very clever parents have figured this system out and want their perfectly normal but underachieving kids to get extra time on the SAT or ACT (ACT is better for kids with learning disabilities). So the school system sees a flurry of requests for IEPs and 504s between middle school and high school. The schools are on to this so fight any "new" requests that come up just preceding the PSAT, usually in the freshman year. I didn't know that at the time we applied for our IEP - coincidentally in the summer before freshman year.

If you are in FCPS you should call the compliance officer. Call the head administrative office (can't remember the name but they are located in an old school near Merrifield) and demand to speak to the compliance officer and have her attend tomorrow. We had to call one meeting when it was clear that our son wasn't getting the services promised in his IEP. The head of special services at our high school seems to think her job is to keep kids OUT of special ed and to grant as few services as possible. But once she heard I had the compliance officer coming suddenly everyone started behaving. We had the case worker and all of our son's teachers at the meeting. We also brought in our tutor and our son's psychiatrist. Make sure you have an IEP (you can sue) not a 504 (can't sue). 504s are worthless. Do ask to change your Case worker if you don't like her - ours is wonderful. If you can't pull all of this together by tomorrow, push it off until you can get your psychiatrist, tester, tutor (whomever you are using) to attend as well. Our psychiatrist was very aggressive and made all our arguments for us. Some people lawyer up but that is super expensive and I have seen most of those cases backfire. Your best bet is to get ahold of the compliance officer and say you need help. That is her job. BTW there are many books written on how to write your IEP. Just go to amazon.com and type in IEP and you will find them. I can't tell you specifically what to ask for because I don't know your daughter. But she should be in a team taught class, which means a second teacher (usually trained in special ed) is your contact for all homework issues, etc. She can ask to have a computer if she needs one for note-taking. She can ask to be seated at the front of the room (to minimize distraction). She can ask for limited homework. She can ask, as you already know, for extra time on tests. Good luck. Yes, it's brutal. and 11:25 is correct - don't believe everything they tell you. And do educate yourself. Wrightslaw.com is pretty good - he has some books on how to write an IEP. I helped draft the Americans with Disabilities Act and am constantly amazed at how some school districts do everything possible NOT to comply (because it costs money) and help those kids who really need assistance. You will have to scratch and claw your way to get what your daughter needs but it is worth it in the end. Do try to use the County's Compliance Officer first - she's free - before you turn to an educational advocate or lawyer. It's free and in my experience the schools are more responsive to that than to an outside educational consultant (most of whom I have found have their own problems and are worthless). Also, keep an enormous file on your daughter and note everything - keep all notes of conversations, test results, IEPs, everything. You will need proof of much of this should your daughter go to college - there she will have to take her file to the disabilities office (providing the college has one) and present her case for special services. At the college level that might mean copies of the professor's notes, extra time on tests, seating up front, free tutoring services.

If it doesn't go well tomorrow, request another meeting ASAP (they must schedule one for you) and get an education advocate to go with you. I agree, it's a hellish process and emotional for you, too, so it's great to have an expert in your corner.

I recommend Rich Weinfeld's group -- we worked with Jennifer Engel Fischer and she was great.

To simplify, make sure the number of hours indicated on the IEP is high. It's been a while since I did this, but the higher the number, the more services received.
As far as the goals, make sure they are on the high side. If they say your child's goal is to successfully pass and meets all the requirements of the subject matter, that is an unacceptable goal!
In my experience, check out the case manager. If you don't like them, change. I have always found an older CM is easier to work with.
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU! I'm not sure if you indicated if your child has a 504 Plan or is categorized as OHI. You might want to look into this.
I am speaking of my experiences with FCPS.
You can request an advocate from the county. Also, FCPS only accepts testing results from certain sources. George Mason has a great testing center, and they accept those scores.
Don't go in defensive, go in educated. And leave your thin skin at the door!

After two previous failed requests for an IEP, I finally did neuropsych testing and paid for an advocate to come to the IEP screening meeting in September, and lo and behold, they agreed my DD should be getting accommodations.

But then the powers that be never did anything else. They put her in the resource class, which mainly seems like a study hall, but never even wrote up the accommodations. So after getting the principal involved we 're finally having the next meeting tomorrow.

My DD is in high school. She is now being given extended time on tests and power points of lessons in some classes. That's all as far as I can tell.

She has ADHD (inattentive) and executive functioning issues as well as MERLD (mixed expressive-receptive language disorder). Her main difficulty in school is tests; while she gets good grades on projects and classwork, she fails most tests because she cannot remember the material.

What other accommodations should I be requesting or expecting? I just don't know what's out there that she's entitled to. I feel like I'm operating in a vacuum. I don't know what to ask for because I don't know what's available. The SLP already told me she doesn't qualify because she "has made it this far without getting speech." Feel like I'm in a Joseph Heller novel!

Another issue is that my daughter really doesn't want to attend the meeting, but must. One of the earlier failed meetings we had resulted in tears it was so difficult, with the special ed teacher telling me I was damaging her self esteem by even suggesting she had a problem, the counselor telling me all I cared about was grades, etc. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life, no exaggeration.

Thanks for any suggestions. This had been a hellish process and now that I'm so close to the finish line, I want to make sure we're getting what will be most helpful. This is MCPS if it makes a difference.