Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I don't argue too much, but I get so annoyed when he does this and replaces my word with his word that means just about the same thing.
me: Why are you angry?
him: I'm not angry, I'm upset.
Then we start conversating about words. I obviously am acknowledging you have a negative emotion about something, but I still don't know what it is, because you want to talk about the difference between angry and upset.

In our case, I think he uses euphemisms too much, and he thinks I label things too harshly. If I say something is bad, he might say, "It's not bad, it's just not optimal." I eventually get frustrated and say, "so we agree that such-and-such needs improvement." It's okay if we label it differently, but if we have a similar understanding of something, we can work together to improve whatever it is.

Be careful that what you think are two works that mean just about the same thing are in fact synonyms. In your example, they are not. To be angry is to be upset AT something or ABOUT something. Being upset can be the emotion without target or direction. They don't necessarily mean the same thing.

And a way to avoid the argument about diction is to not engage. In your example:

You: Why are you angry?
Him: I'm not angry, I'm upset.
You: Well, what are you upset about?

If you don't engage the word change, you can get to what you originally asked. But be aware that your husband is not the only person that feels that semantics matter and semantics can make an entire conversation have different meanings. For a basic understanding of how this works (if you care), see Deborah Tannen's books "You Just Don't Understand" and "That's Not What I Meant". And you'll see how communication styles including word choice and semantics can make a difference. Note, for anyone who has any knowledge of linguistics, these books are more "Linguistics for Dummies", but they have helped many people understand how to work around different communication styles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of two things:
1)It is a way to belittle you. By attacking you on semantics, he is asserting his dominance, implying you are uneducated and/or of a lower class. Thus anything you say is invalid. He is a dick.

2)Asperger syndrome

Abnormalities in the subtle use of language and interpretation of language are common with Asperger's syndrome, although language development (grammar, syntax, etc.) is normal.
http://www.medicinenet.com/asperger_syndrome/article.htm

test him
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

#1 was my STBXH who is borderline and narcissistic. He would do anything to avoid being wrong, which then meant he was indeed imperfect.

Anonymous wrote:I find that semantics can be important. Communication is aided if you're able to speak with some precision. Sometimes unstated premises on which individuals disagree end up being the real barrier to communication.

Anonymous wrote:I feel as though it is impossible to have a basic discussion on thoughts and ideas with my husband because he always wants to pick on semantics, word choices rather than understand what I'm commicating and develop the discussion. And it drives me nuts. It's boring and confrontational and always leaves me angry and frustrated. Anyone familiar with this sort of behavior? Why does he do this? Argh.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I don't argue too much, but I get so annoyed when he does this and replaces my word with his word that means just about the same thing.
me: Why are you angry?
him: I'm not angry, I'm upset.
Then we start conversating about words. I obviously am acknowledging you have a negative emotion about something, but I still don't know what it is, because you want to talk about the difference between angry and upset.

In our case, I think he uses euphemisms too much, and he thinks I label things too harshly. If I say something is bad, he might say, "It's not bad, it's just not optimal." I eventually get frustrated and say, "so we agree that such-and-such needs improvement." It's okay if we label it differently, but if we have a similar understanding of something, we can work together to improve whatever it is.

Anonymous wrote:One of two things:
1)It is a way to belittle you. By attacking you on semantics, he is asserting his dominance, implying you are uneducated and/or of a lower class. Thus anything you say is invalid. He is a dick.

2)Asperger syndrome

Abnormalities in the subtle use of language and interpretation of language are common with Asperger's syndrome, although language development (grammar, syntax, etc.) is normal.
http://www.medicinenet.com/asperger_syndrome/article.htm

test him
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

Anonymous wrote:My dh says "You NEVER do such and such!" And I get caught up in arguing that actually on occasion I do do such and such. I hate these blanket statements, especially coming from someone who normally prides himself on precision in language. But when he gets angry, he gets very insecure and gets white hot angry. It's useless to quibble over the accuracy of words with him when he gets like that.