A punch to the face usually shuts them up.

My mom is a complainer, too. I offer some sympathy and reflect back what she is feeling..."you sound really frustrated about that." Then I disengage as best I can. What doesn't work is trying to problem solve/offer solutions...that just gives the complainer something else to find wanting.

Anonymous wrote:Change the subject by asking the complainer what's going well.

I have family members like this and they've literally come back to me on that question with "Nothing. I hate my life." At which point I decided that limiting contact was the only way to keep from wanting to strangle them.

"So what do you think you're going to do about it?"

Change the subject by asking the complainer what's going well.

I second this:

"Are you asking me for a solution, or just complaining?"

If they say "just complaining", come back with "I think you've spent enough time and mental energy on this. How are you going to move forward?'

Anonymous wrote:OP - not a five year old. It's a parent of mine...

Hate to break it to ya but I have a parent like this. AND it actually gets worse the older they get!

Anonymous wrote:Turn it around on them and ask them what they could do to improve the problem/situation/complaint. I find that people usually have to stop and think about it.

I find that people like this usually don't think about it, and they find reasons why any suggestions you make to help solve their problem will not work. They live to complain and thrive off it. They are toxic. Limit contact as much as possible. When you do have to talk to them, it's "mmm hmm. mmm hmm" and then you change the subject ASAP.

OP - not a five year old. It's a parent of mine...

Is there some underlying problem? Since we had kids and I subsequently lost my job (two underlying issues), my spouse complains non-stop and everything is a source of complaint. It has affected other parts of our marriage as well, if you get my drift. I also tend to tune-out when my spouse is talking.

I have no desire to end the relationship and have found some tips. First, I see complaining as a form of depression. So, I do the small things that are within my control. Clean up better. Take the kids out and network via phone at the playground. Make my spouse's favorite meal (cheap version albeit). Note that these are also things that give me time away from my spouse, which may not be a great idea, but I think it's okay for the kids.

I hope that my reemployment will improve the situation, and that's what keeps me positive.

If you have no underlying issue, then maybe your partner just likes to complain, in which case you need to weigh your reasons for being in the relationship or better investigate the causes.

Sorry, but good luck!

Turn it around on them and ask them what they could do to improve the problem/situation/complaint. I find that people usually have to stop and think about it.

They become the person I talk to about my complaints. That way I don't burden other friends with them.

Duck tape

Is the someone five years old?

I say "I don't understand you when you whine." and "Are you asking me for a solution, or just complaining?" That usually puts a stop to it. For a few minutes.

Any tips? And no, it isn't someone I can end my relationship with so that is not an option. Some of this person's complaints are valid, some are not. Regardless, even when the complaints are valid, because they complain ALL OF THE TIME, I am finding I don't even care when maybe I should...

Thanks for any tips!