Three years is too long to keep that sort of lie. I wouldn't feel like I could trust her after that. I understand being hesitant to bring it up on the first date, but I'd wonder what other things she'd lie about if she can keep that secret for three freakin years.

A few random thoughts: 1) didn't her hands seem old? 2) Did she ever try and lead when you danced? 3) Who held the door open for whom?
Seriously, that would be a deal-breaker for me. Someone should move out.

Anonymous wrote:Do people realize that OP will not come back to this post. IT IS FAKE!!

Even if it is, so what? I do know two transgendered people who have had surgery. It's not unheard of. Even if the post is fake and there is no real OP to give advice to, it might help someone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.

Do people realize that OP will not come back to this post. IT IS FAKE!!

IF this is real I think you two should go to counseling together to work through your feelings and see if you can make it work.

Can you have her come on here and do an "ask me anything" post? I have lots of questions.

Setting that aside, you're likely in shock now. You have experienced a loss -- the loss of the biologically female GF you thought you had. Although you still have the same girl, albeit surgically and chemically altered to be female rather than biologically female, you've still experienced a loss and you need to mourn that loss, including the loss of the ability to have biological children with her, etc. That means you will have anger, disbelief, and she will have to be understanding that it may take you time to get comfortable with something she long ago became comfortable with. You also should give yourself time before making any rash decisions. This may be a dealbreaker for you, but make sure you're sure about that before deciding.

Don't rush into a decision. She didn't tell you because she was afraid of losing you. Couples counseling might help. If you are such a good match that you were going to ask her to marry her, don't throw that away without talking to her.

You never saw a single picture from childhood or heard any stories? Family didn't say anything?

The lying plus the total absent / hidden / dishonest past life and childhood would be dealbreakers for me.

The lie is the issue, but I hope for you it's not a dealbreaker.

She is who she is, and she had the courage to transform her exterior presentation to match her self-identity. She must have done it pretty successfully if you're only finding out about it now.

Talk to her. Ask her why she didn't tell you until now, and why she decided to tell you now. She clearly didn't have to. I think she's just trying to share all of herself with you, which is an opportunity.

I don't believe this is a real post but in all honesty, I would likely end the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:She is every bit a woman now, even a gynecologist would not know the difference in her vagina. If you love her, you love her.

A gynecologist better be able to tell the difference - lack of a cervix would be one indicator.

She is every bit a woman now, even a gynecologist would not know the difference in her vagina. If you love her, you love her.

Well, you don't have to make a decision right now. Let the information sink in more. Personally, I would be more upset that she withheld something so huge, not the sex change itself.

She's still the same person, though, regardless. Therapy might be helpful.

I'm going to assume this post is real.

In this situation I would be more upset by the secret-keeping over a period of years about something so important than I would about the facts disclosed. I would start with that conversation: What took her so long to disclose this, and what does it say about the relationship?

So I have been dating this wonderful girl for about 3 years now, and I am considering to ask her to marry me. Last weekend, she dropped a huge bomb on me and told me that she used to be a man. Evidently things were going so well that she was afraid to bring this up. I guess as the relationship got serious (we moved in together a couple of months ago), she realized she has to tell me.

I am horrified. I love her but I don't think I can deal with this. I can't tell any of my friends or family. I need people to talk me into one way or another.