Op you are not alone and it sounds like you have many options to consider bf freeing your husband to find some fertile woman he doesn't love....just remember he married you. The ttc journey is tough but you need to explore all options and consult with many clinics bf jumping to the worst case scenario.

I definitely like a Random Thoughts thread.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I like the idea of random thoughts.

My random thought is rather a random panic.

I went off the pill and never got a period (went on the pill because they were MIA so this was no surprise). I responded well to Clomid but had a thin lining. Now in the midst of my first injectables cycle and things are not going well. I’ve been on a low dose but STILL going on day 20 of stims (which I have NEVER heard of) just starting to see estrogen climb (climbed initially and then plummeted). I would be okay with this except my lining is STILL thin. It was decent (but not great) when my estrogen first went up but has been 6-6.5 since. My fear is that Clomid was not the problem and that I’m the problem. Since my periods have been pretty much a trickle for 15 years I’m panicked I just don’t create a lining (or I’m doing something – like remaining too active – to prevent one from growing).

My other fear is trapping my SO with an infertile wife. We’ve been together for years but started TTC before marriage. I know it upsets him to discuss but I don’t want to say “I do” knowing I might then hold him back from a life dream. He says we have a lot to try before I jump to conclusions but I figure if Clomid and injectables both yield a thin lining, not much more can be done (yes premature panic given I’ve seen only one RE).

13:23 Have you gone through other treatments and moved on to IVF. I’ve been assured that injectables with IUI and IVF are pretty similar upfront, with retrieval and transfer being the big differences (and dosage of medications I am guessing).

14:29 I haven’t had an IUI yet (5 Clomid with TI cycles). Good to know it might not be a cake walk. I’m sorry it hurt but will hope that means the sperm ended up right where they need to be. Any plans for your TWW? Given how long my cycle is going I predict either a cancelation or I may end up on the West Coast for vacation during. I wouldn’t mind the distraction but would kind of like the go ahead to wine taste if this cycle is going to be a bust.

OP, I get where you are coming from here, but remember that you marry a man for the partner he will be, especially when things get a bit rough. Something always comes up in a marriage - infertility, sickness, financial troubles, etc - and it sounds like your husband wants to be with you for the person you are right now, with or without children. That is important to remember. Don't go into a marriage thinking that you two won't weather some kind of storm, even if you get spontaneously pregnant tomorrow. Just make sure you are compatible in how you handle the inevitable adversity of life. Also, there are lots of ways to have a family and if you really want that you will together find a solution.

15:38 again, when I found out his sperm analysis was great, I actually cried..... He stopped referring to his super sperm early on though, so that's good I guess

So much for girl power

Another random thought. I used to see the same handful of women at early morning monitoring over and over again. The three I noticed most are gone now. Of course they may be taking breaks or on to new clinics, but I suspect they have had success - which is WONDERFUL - but leaves me feeling like I've been at it forever and will be opening that waiting room door for all my mornings to come.

16:36 I'm sorry. So sorry. Not so much about Dr. A (I'm sure that I'll end up with her too at some point) but about your husband's comments. So far, my SO has been more upset with me worrying about ruining our relationship than he has been about me ruining our relationship. But I worry it's only time before the young (he is younger than me) thing with "gold star" sperm starts to get frustrated.

Anonymous wrote:Some boards have a "Random Thoughts" thread. Where you can post your miscellaneous thoughts on TTC. Maybe we could do that?

I'll start. Here's an example.

I just had my IUI on Monday, and Dr. A at CFA was as gentle as a bulldozer. That speculum was a MF!

Now somebody help me through this 2ww!

To 14:29's point I am laughing out loud. Dr. A at CFA did my first IUI (failed) a few weeks ago and before my back even hit the table she had the speculum in and was doing the insemination...no, I'm not kidding, I wasn't even lying down before she started with absolutely no verbal warning.

And to another poster's point my husband for the first time last night hinted that he's upset that the failed TTC is all my fault (which it is, no male factor at all). That makes me feel great about myself. Thanks (sarcasm).

15:20 i know how you feel, I keep apologizing to my husband because I am broken. He deserves a wife that can give him the children he wants and deserves. I am starting to think about what the future looks like without them. We could do donor egg but I not think we can afford it. I have reservations about adoption due to issues I have with my adopted brother. Want to adopt from china but do not have the money.... So unless we divorce he is stuck with me. I am 39, he is 37. I am starting o think he should have married a younger fertile woman. ... Those are my random thoughts for today.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I like the idea of random thoughts.

My random thought is rather a random panic.

I went off the pill and never got a period (went on the pill because they were MIA so this was no surprise). I responded well to Clomid but had a thin lining. Now in the midst of my first injectables cycle and things are not going well. I’ve been on a low dose but STILL going on day 20 of stims (which I have NEVER heard of) just starting to see estrogen climb (climbed initially and then plummeted). I would be okay with this except my lining is STILL thin. It was decent (but not great) when my estrogen first went up but has been 6-6.5 since. My fear is that Clomid was not the problem and that I’m the problem. Since my periods have been pretty much a trickle for 15 years I’m panicked I just don’t create a lining (or I’m doing something – like remaining too active – to prevent one from growing).

My other fear is trapping my SO with an infertile wife. We’ve been together for years but started TTC before marriage. I know it upsets him to discuss but I don’t want to say “I do” knowing I might then hold him back from a life dream. He says we have a lot to try before I jump to conclusions but I figure if Clomid and injectables both yield a thin lining, not much more can be done (yes premature panic given I’ve seen only one RE).

13:23 Have you gone through other treatments and moved on to IVF. I’ve been assured that injectables with IUI and IVF are pretty similar upfront, with retrieval and transfer being the big differences (and dosage of medications I am guessing).

14:29 I haven’t had an IUI yet (5 Clomid with TI cycles). Good to know it might not be a cake walk. I’m sorry it hurt but will hope that means the sperm ended up right where they need to be. Any plans for your TWW? Given how long my cycle is going I predict either a cancelation or I may end up on the West Coast for vacation during. I wouldn’t mind the distraction but would kind of like the go ahead to wine taste if this cycle is going to be a bust.

This was my second IUI, (first ended in MC) it wasn't horrible, Dr. A is just rough. There is no gentleness.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I like the idea of random thoughts.

My random thought is rather a random panic.

I went off the pill and never got a period (went on the pill because they were MIA so this was no surprise). I responded well to Clomid but had a thin lining. Now in the midst of my first injectables cycle and things are not going well. I’ve been on a low dose but STILL going on day 20 of stims (which I have NEVER heard of) just starting to see estrogen climb (climbed initially and then plummeted). I would be okay with this except my lining is STILL thin. It was decent (but not great) when my estrogen first went up but has been 6-6.5 since. My fear is that Clomid was not the problem and that I’m the problem. Since my periods have been pretty much a trickle for 15 years I’m panicked I just don’t create a lining (or I’m doing something – like remaining too active – to prevent one from growing).

My other fear is trapping my SO with an infertile wife. We’ve been together for years but started TTC before marriage. I know it upsets him to discuss but I don’t want to say “I do” knowing I might then hold him back from a life dream. He says we have a lot to try before I jump to conclusions but I figure if Clomid and injectables both yield a thin lining, not much more can be done (yes premature panic given I’ve seen only one RE).

13:23 Have you gone through other treatments and moved on to IVF. I’ve been assured that injectables with IUI and IVF are pretty similar upfront, with retrieval and transfer being the big differences (and dosage of medications I am guessing).

14:29 I haven’t had an IUI yet (5 Clomid with TI cycles). Good to know it might not be a cake walk. I’m sorry it hurt but will hope that means the sperm ended up right where they need to be. Any plans for your TWW? Given how long my cycle is going I predict either a cancelation or I may end up on the West Coast for vacation during. I wouldn’t mind the distraction but would kind of like the go ahead to wine taste if this cycle is going to be a bust.

Yes, I had 5 Clomid+IUI cycles this year. I pretty much habituated to IUIs - I feel I could do them every month.

OP here. I like the idea of random thoughts.

My random thought is rather a random panic.

I went off the pill and never got a period (went on the pill because they were MIA so this was no surprise). I responded well to Clomid but had a thin lining. Now in the midst of my first injectables cycle and things are not going well. I’ve been on a low dose but STILL going on day 20 of stims (which I have NEVER heard of) just starting to see estrogen climb (climbed initially and then plummeted). I would be okay with this except my lining is STILL thin. It was decent (but not great) when my estrogen first went up but has been 6-6.5 since. My fear is that Clomid was not the problem and that I’m the problem. Since my periods have been pretty much a trickle for 15 years I’m panicked I just don’t create a lining (or I’m doing something – like remaining too active – to prevent one from growing).

My other fear is trapping my SO with an infertile wife. We’ve been together for years but started TTC before marriage. I know it upsets him to discuss but I don’t want to say “I do” knowing I might then hold him back from a life dream. He says we have a lot to try before I jump to conclusions but I figure if Clomid and injectables both yield a thin lining, not much more can be done (yes premature panic given I’ve seen only one RE).

13:23 Have you gone through other treatments and moved on to IVF. I’ve been assured that injectables with IUI and IVF are pretty similar upfront, with retrieval and transfer being the big differences (and dosage of medications I am guessing).

14:29 I haven’t had an IUI yet (5 Clomid with TI cycles). Good to know it might not be a cake walk. I’m sorry it hurt but will hope that means the sperm ended up right where they need to be. Any plans for your TWW? Given how long my cycle is going I predict either a cancelation or I may end up on the West Coast for vacation during. I wouldn’t mind the distraction but would kind of like the go ahead to wine taste if this cycle is going to be a bust.

Some boards have a "Random Thoughts" thread. Where you can post your miscellaneous thoughts on TTC. Maybe we could do that?

I'll start. Here's an example.

I just had my IUI on Monday, and Dr. A at CFA was as gentle as a bulldozer. That speculum was a MF!

Now somebody help me through this 2ww!

I think I would be interested. I am starting my meds for my first IVF and I am very nervous.

i think someone is always here to listen and respond. i dont think there is any harm in coming here to share anything, keep the thread going!

If there is no interest in this idea, I completely understand.

I just wondered if anyone would be interested in participating in an ongoing daily support thread (just one thread that we use for updates each day). I know that often I don't have a question or something worthy of a new post to share. But I often do have a small frustration, fear, good news, etc. and worry I'm overwhelming my (always supportive) SO with constant discussion about the process.

I have checked out other boards where posters are not anonymous but can't get past the emoticons (SO MANY emoticons), "baby dust", and seeming lack of general knowledge. (If you have a board to recommend, I'm all ears.)

Anyway, I won't be offended if this isn't for the DCUM community ... just thought I'd ask.