Let me guess...Indian wedding?

I am American and I agree with you. Kids are sent to the basement and by the time they are teens they are hitting the liquor cabinet and parents wonder why.

I had a party recently and invited somebody with 3 boys. They send a very nice note saying this was the first time since they had children they felt comfortable at a party.

My H is Italian and when we get together there are kid and they are involved. They help cook and clean and they are part of the conversation. The older kids help with the younger kids and it is a community experience.

At my party I had very nice food but I am sure there is food kids will like - not fries and nuggets but maybe some pasta with butter or rolls with a chicken cutlet.

We make sure the kids are part of our environment and then the parents will go outside and be a part of their enjoyment - maybe a game of flag football or something.

Parents often don't want to be bothered. Kids do need to give the parents some time to talk to their friends and not interrupt but if you sit them in the basement with XBox they don't understand how to do that without being banished.

My kids are loud and fun and interesting. They still know how to talk and act in public. They know there is a different way to act at Wing Hub vs. Blacks.

OP, since it is of focus, could you tell us what is your culture?

If an American male shows interest in children, he is a pediphile. Think about it. If you are a man and saw a crying child, you better keep on moving.

As 12:20 observed, America's massive diversity brings a lot of different child-rearing traditions into close contact with each other. People from different cultural traditions aren't always tolerant of each others' practices.

Like earlier PPs, I'm annoyed at your hidden agenda, OP. You're writing to make yourself feel better at Americans' expense. So you drop irrelevant information about how much your wedding cost, and you tell us that Americans, unlike people from other cultures, seem to dislike children. Translated: rest of world good; Americans bad. I encourage you to focus on finding constructive ways to elevate your feelings of self worth. This posting isn't constructive.

OP here... we both have a VERY large family and had about 600 guests at the reception including non relatives. We both paid. We had planned for the wedding for two years, and no, we didn't go into debt using credit cards if anyone was wondering

I probably shouldn't have mentioned it, and didn't mean to bring it up to brag or anything, but to convey that when some people say of the like 'I paid alot for this party or other, and don't want it to be bothered by kids' that we also do the same at family functions, but that doesn't mean we think kids would 'mar' anything.

I no means expect unruly children to be the norm. I am not the type of person to bring a child to a non kid friendly movie, or nice restaurant, or let them run around in a casual restaurant, nor would I ever bring kids to a function that is for adults only...I do understand that teaching your children to be well behaved in public is expected and obviously the correct thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:I think annoyance about kids is partially due to the diversity of the US. We really don't have a shared culture around child rearing, so adults get annoyed when they perceive that parents are reacting to kids in the correct manner. So, if your cultural background is "oh let kids be kids, and don't worry if they make some noise or climb on stuff," you are going to be in conflict with people who think "childhood is a time of training and kids should be taught from a very young age to behave in ways that are appropriate for adult society."

So true! OP is most definitly not Korean!

We are more of the strict no nonsense kind of parents when our kids are in public or interacting with adults. I think esepcially people 50 and older appreciate a well behaved kid. I know we get a lot of compliments from older people about our kids behavior. We have been pulled aside by strangers complimenting our kids, all older people.

Inside our home and outside when the kids are playing, they can be as wild as they want, we encourage lively debate at the dinner table, but in a restaurant, in a plane, or when in the presence of comapny, they are expected to behave and be respectful of their elders.

I think annoyance about kids is partially due to the diversity of the US. We really don't have a shared culture around child rearing, so adults get annoyed when they perceive that parents are reacting to kids in the correct manner. So, if your cultural background is "oh let kids be kids, and don't worry if they make some noise or climb on stuff," you are going to be in conflict with people who think "childhood is a time of training and kids should be taught from a very young age to behave in ways that are appropriate for adult society."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me when you said that you had an $80,000 wedding reception. . . .

Same here.

Ditto. Just curious, OP. How much of that did you and DH pay for?

Not to hijack but OP, what kind of reception will 80k get you? Please share since you divulged the cost. It's only fair.

i agree, and i'm an american. it's acceptable to hate on kids here. maybe because we're that self-centered.

Anonymous wrote:You lost me when you said that you had an $80,000 wedding reception. . . .

Same here.

Anonymous wrote:You lost me when you said that you had an $80,000 wedding reception. . . .

Right, how was that even relevant. Poor folks like us go to wedding receptions that probably cost a quarter of that at most and kids are invited.

OP, maybe your circles are "too high class" for kids?

You lost me when you said that you had an $80,000 wedding reception. . . .

Having grown up in a culture in which kids are a part of all events, etc, I find it a bit disconcerting that over here, there seems to be this hostility towards children in a 'be seen but not heard' type of mentality.

I'm talking about things such as anger over babies crying on the airplane - well, that can't be helped, and everyone has the right to use the airport. People annoyed by kids in restaurants - are kids not allowed to be there until a certain age?? And any American wedding invitation, adult birthday party, baby shower, etc does not invite children. I get it that if you feel like you are spending alot of money on a function, you want it to be nice. I myself had an $80,000 wedding reception here with all the nice stuff and yes, still invited kids. I don't know...to me it's a celebration and i couldn't imagine telling my relatives and friends not to bring their kids because I don't want to be bothered.

Of course I certainly understand that there is a time and a place for kids and adults, but I mean, it really seems like over here, the culture in that regard is very unfriendly and unforgiving as far as children being involved.