It’s difficult, but I think it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

My MIL divorced FIL because she felt she was too good for him. This was many years ago. He got re-married within a year and she stayed single and dated and slept around a lot. She still to this day complains she can't find a good man, but to be honest, she needs to work on being a nice person first. The woman lacks the empathy gene.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

I agree with this. My affair partner and I are now married, and are very happy.
I didn't regret my divorce for a second.

Did you have kids with your ex? Did your affair partner? How long have you guys been together?

Just curious - I have never known anyone who had an affair who stayed together. First H had an affair but it was clearly with someone he wasn't intending to marry (we did divorce, but not really because of that). Ultimately first h was not the marrying type and never remarried. I was though and did. I don't know that we are "very happy" but I'll settle for mildly happy. First divorce taught me to have other outlets aside from marriage to fulfill needs. DH is much happier I don't expect him to be my everything.

No kids with the ex, but I DH and I now have a child. We've been together for 6 years.

I just realized that this is the 50 and over forum, which I'm not.

There was also a tread about this topic on the Relationship forum a month or two ago. It was called "Would you ever do it again?" or something to that effect.

I'm more interested in the closer to 50 crowd. No offense, but you being "very happy" after 6 years together means nothing. I mean, I'm happy for you and wish you the best, but my marriage didn't hit a rut until year 10, which was almost 15 years after being together. I'm the one who had an affair about two years later. It was a mistake, I regret it, and though our marriage may come out stronger (we are just catching our breaths two years later), it's not something I would recommend to anyone. Though I suppose your affair probably caused less damage if you had no kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

I agree with this. My affair partner and I are now married, and are very happy.
I didn't regret my divorce for a second.

Did you have kids with your ex? Did your affair partner? How long have you guys been together?

Just curious - I have never known anyone who had an affair who stayed together. First H had an affair but it was clearly with someone he wasn't intending to marry (we did divorce, but not really because of that). Ultimately first h was not the marrying type and never remarried. I was though and did. I don't know that we are "very happy" but I'll settle for mildly happy. First divorce taught me to have other outlets aside from marriage to fulfill needs. DH is much happier I don't expect him to be my everything.

No kids with the ex, but I DH and I now have a child. We've been together for 6 years.

I just realized that this is the 50 and over forum, which I'm not.

There was also a tread about this topic on the Relationship forum a month or two ago. It was called "Would you ever do it again?" or something to that effect.

My in-laws separated after FIL's affair/mid-life crisis. FIL married his affair partner. My MIL was depressed following the separation, but met another man shortly thereafter who she married - they actually beat FIL and his wife to the altar.

They all seem happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

I agree with this. My affair partner and I are now married, and are very happy.
I didn't regret my divorce for a second.

Did you have kids with your ex? Did your affair partner? How long have you guys been together?

Just curious - I have never known anyone who had an affair who stayed together. First H had an affair but it was clearly with someone he wasn't intending to marry (we did divorce, but not really because of that). Ultimately first h was not the marrying type and never remarried. I was though and did. I don't know that we are "very happy" but I'll settle for mildly happy. First divorce taught me to have other outlets aside from marriage to fulfill needs. DH is much happier I don't expect him to be my everything.

Anonymous wrote:Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

I agree with this. My affair partner and I are now married, and are very happy.
I didn't regret my divorce for a second.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My impression of my friend's inlaws: the FIL who had an affair and married the woman seems very happy, she's happy, etc. They've been married 9 years.

The MIL who got dumped still seems unhappy.

This is the usual pattern, in my experience. Sometimes the "MIL" moves on, after a while, but still seems bitter. I wonder if this is going to change with the current generation at all. It seems that even in the generation that is now in its 60's, there were still a lot of wives who had their whole identity wrapped up in being "Mrs. Whoever." I know a couple who seem to have been completely unhinged by the divorce, and so far, can't seem to get it back together.

Maybe it's a generational thing. I can't imagine this would be me. I'm facing divorce right (hoping not to go there, but it's not entirely up to me obviously and it would be my husband leaving me, though not for someone else. He did develop feelings for a close friend but that's kind of run its course so although it impacted our marriage, it's not reason for its decline) and as much as it sucks, I'm not going to let it define my life and I'm going to try as hard as I can not for it not to define my kids life. Maybe it helps that I work and am actually the breadwinner and enjoy my career. I take great care of myself and know once I took the time to heal, I'd date again. We've already talked about sharing custody so I'd use the time away from my kids to do something instead of sulk around the house. And it's not like in the marriage I just sat around, I'd just continue my activiies like my running group etc. Women are out and about now, not just in the home waiting for husbands to come home. I'd also continue with therapy (we are in marriage therapy now but I'd continue with individual therapy). That is probably something we think of as common that the older generation didn't do.

I don't think divorce will make my life happier, but it doesn't have to ruin my life and make me bitter.

I think the other generational difference is that women are making more money now and men don't have the advantage they used to of hitting 50, having their midlife crisis and leaving the wife for a young woman with no kids. Women have high standards now and that sweet young thang can get a guy of her own, who doesn't have to support or help support kids. The cost of living has gone up. Chances are she will have to work. Sure if your husband is millionaire that is different. But for us more common folk whoever marries my husband next will not be able to stay home and plan fun vacations for them. He just won't make enough for either of those, especially helping to support our kids (I wouldn't be interested in alimony or child support, but he would continue to pay half childcare costs and contribute to their college educations, plus things like share in medical expenses and insurance, activities, etc.).

I just can't picture any of my circle of friends being the "bitter MIL." Heartbroken, yes, and very sad, as I will be. But not facing the fact that they lost their entire world.

Getting divorced was the best thing I've ever done. It brought me a new life and lots of happiness.

People say it's difficult, and parts of it are indeed difficult. But if you're in a bad marriage, the most difficult thing is the year BEFORE the divorce. Once the decision to divorce is made, things usually get better. And better.

Anonymous wrote:My impression of my friend's inlaws: the FIL who had an affair and married the woman seems very happy, she's happy, etc. They've been married 9 years.

The MIL who got dumped still seems unhappy.

Are you my friend? This sounds like my inlaws.

Anonymous wrote:My impression of my friend's inlaws: the FIL who had an affair and married the woman seems very happy, she's happy, etc. They've been married 9 years.

The MIL who got dumped still seems unhappy.

This is the usual pattern, in my experience. Sometimes the "MIL" moves on, after a while, but still seems bitter. I wonder if this is going to change with the current generation at all. It seems that even in the generation that is now in its 60's, there were still a lot of wives who had their whole identity wrapped up in being "Mrs. Whoever." I know a couple who seem to have been completely unhinged by the divorce, and so far, can't seem to get it back together.

My impression of my friend's inlaws: the FIL who had an affair and married the woman seems very happy, she's happy, etc. They've been married 9 years.

The MIL who got dumped still seems unhappy.

Feeling better about my divorce but it took some time to get there. Thought that he was a "good egg" to begin with, but it turns out we just really wanted different things out of life. He turned out to be a total jerk. Life is better now...

I regret my divorce because it really just traded one set of problems for another. Would have been better off spending more time on the marriage. There was no affair, at least that I know of.

I'm spending a lot of time on the Relationship forum these days and there are lots of discussion of people considering divorce, going through a divorce, finding out about affairs and deciding how to proceed, etc. Just curious from those of you in this age group, who have probably seen this more than a younger crowd has.

So for you, or your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc....hoping you will share some stories about:

-People who regretted their divorce?
-People who left for affair partners? Did it work out, or not?
-People who thrived after being left (found happiness again, remarried, came back stronger, etc.)