Anonymous wrote:Adoptee here. This same situation apparently happened with me. My mom reacted in the same way as you. My dad jokes about how she thought about sending a photo of a different child but instead agreed to just take photos from far away.

good idea! How you do feel about it as the adopted child?

Adoptee here. This same situation apparently happened with me. My mom reacted in the same way as you. My dad jokes about how she thought about sending a photo of a different child but instead agreed to just take photos from far away.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't mean to be mean. It's just that I freaked out a bit when she resurfaces 5 yrs later. And then all this crap goes through my head, what is she wants him back, what is she wants to see him. I know it's probably unreasonable, but wondering why now after all this time.

Well get therapy for goodness sakes then if you are that insecure as a parent.

OP, I don't mean to sound harsh, but please send her the pics. She will not regain custody of thiss child. The adoption is final, but wounds of placing your baby don't heal. She misses him five years later and will miss him the rest of her life, but you will always be the mom who raised him.

Another AP here, of three kids. OP, you have the only legal rights over your child. I think it may have been a little naive of you if you thought that your child's birthfamily would not in some way impact your life at some point. One can only guess why the bmom chose now and not earlier, but I also suspect that it has to do with her comfort level and needing those initial years to place some distance between herself and the actual placement. Our oldest DC's bmom remained silent for 3 years before getting in touch with us. And we were happy to start sending pics. She just wanted to know how the child is doing.

I do not think the birth mother feels she can come around when she feels like it. She is asking the agency to do this.
Sounds more like she has been patient in waiting for this one final milestone and would like some pictures. Why are you even bothered by this?

OP AGAIN. Interesting, PP. Did you know prior to getting your baby that she may want to meet you later? I'm really trying to understand from the birth mom's point of view, & it does sound better the way your social worker describes it. But it almost seems unfair that after they've made a decision, they feel they can come around when they feel like it, & demand anything. It's already a stressful situation. I don't think I took a breath until after the court hearing for final adoption.

Weve had our daughter for 4 weeks now ( shes 8 weeks old) and the birth Mom wants to meet us now, We havent met her up until this point.
We are really nervous, her rights are terminated but the adoption hasnt been finalized in court yet.

We spoke to a social worker who said that for the birth Moms its not about getting their child back, Its about them wanting/needing to know they made the right decision. It allows them the reassurance they did the right thing and they can move on with life and not be worrying about their baby.
It relieved us a lot, hearing it put like that.

OP, I totally get the fear. Moms of non-adoptive kids just don't. Hang in there. DC is your child and YOU are mom. The adoption is final. Take a deep breath, send a photo, and hug your precious child.

Perhaps because now she has the distance and maturity to deal with the pain. I have a friend who placed a child for adoption when she was in her last year of college, had broken up with the father and knew she was not emotionally mature or independent enough to raise a child as a single mom. The adoptive parents send her yearly photos and while they do make her sad, the photos of her happy biological child remind her that she made the right decision.

OP here. I don't mean to be mean. It's just that I freaked out a bit when she resurfaces 5 yrs later. And then all this crap goes through my head, what is she wants him back, what is she wants to see him. I know it's probably unreasonable, but wondering why now after all this time.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course its final.

Why object to sending pictures? As an adoptive mom, I think it's the very least one can do. I think it's mean to deny a birth parent a picture.

Agree.

Signed,
another adoptive mom

The pictures will likely remind the birth mom that she made the right decision when she sees how happy the child is. I can only imagine where her imagination takes her. It is a good thing to send them.

Yes, of course its final.

Why object to sending pictures? As an adoptive mom, I think it's the very least one can do. I think it's mean to deny a birth parent a picture.

It's final, right? All of sudden after 5 yrs., the birth mom wants us to send pix to the agency. Should I be concerned? Unfortunately, we are obligated to send them.