My observation is that most of the heat (at least on DCUM) comes from the people who are anti-breastfeeding or who try to characterize breastfeeders as "boob nazis" or whatever. Most breastfeeding moms here are actually pretty normal about it and openly discuss the difficulties, need to supplement, etc.

Thanks for posting, OP. I've tried to understand this too. In most cases, it seems like people cling to the expert advice (whether it's Dr. Sears, Wisdom Midwifery, or your friendly, local OB/American Academy of Pediatrics) because they really don't know what they are doing and need that validation. However, viewed more favorably, I think we all just want to be good moms and we're doing the best we can to figure out how to be that without a manual.

i think you're making a sweeping generalization, OP, that simply isn't true. it's not impossible to have a rational conversation with women about breastfeeding. it's impossible to have a rational conversation with women who are so firmly entrenched in their position about breastfeeding that they can't see the forest for the trees.

breastfeeding is hard. lots of women have supply issues. lots of women have pain and bleeding nipples. lots of babies have latching issues. some of these issues are correctable if mom is willing or able (mentally, physically, financially) to commit to breastfeeding and see lactation consultants/pump/deal with the pain/etc. some of them aren't. some moms aren't able or aren't willing to make that kind of commitment.

but when you come on here, and some anon. poster says that you're a terrible mother because you didn't breastfeed or you only breastfeed for 2 weeks/months/years, or you supplemented, you're not dealing with a rational person. so you're not going to have a rational conversation. there are plenty of us who can have a rational conversation about it.

signed,
mom of 17 month-old who still bf's at night and in the morning, got a bottle of formula every day from 4 months to 13 months, and is just fine.

*their* connection ...

My SIL is still BFing her 2+ year old. They're connection is very sweet. But i just spent a hell week with her and BIL (at the beach) b/c they argue about it constantly. She BFs right before a meal and kid won't eat. Kid is underweight. "I'm feeding on demand!" she says, "Otherwise I'll dry up!". SIL has terrible probs with skin and digestion -needs to radically change diet. But she won't because she's BFing. Try - just TRY - to have a rational convo. re: BFing with them!

Anonymous wrote:Every time I come on DCUM, I see a discussion about breastfeeding that devolves into people hurling insults at each other -- formula vs. breastmilk, early vs. late weaning, "no one has a problem with supply," "I would never feed my baby someone else's milk," etc. I feel the same way with other moms in "real life."

Why isn't it possible to have a rational discussion about this? Why are so many moms who BF determined to tell others that they are wrong for using formula? Why are so many people beating themselves up for not being able to BF? Why so much emotion around this?

I had trouble BFing myself and know all the emotion that goes into the frustration and pain and anger, but we don't need other moms judging and criticizing to make things worse! I seriously feel anxious whenever I pull out a bottle to give my kid in public (nevermind the fact that it is breastmilk I bend over backwards to pump).

Just ignore people who judge you. In a perfect world, people would support and help each other - parenting is tough and we could all could use a community that surrounds us with the best from its members.

It's impossible to have a rational discussion with women about (just about) anything. Women do not know how to live their lives; instead they focus on what other women are doing. They do not know how to be confident in their choices unless they are stepping on someone who they feel is inferior in some way. And women just talk too much, and don't know how to be quiet.

Also, humans in general always want to be in control. We cannot live and let live unless you are living how WE see fit. Those with weak minds I feel sorry for because you'll never be happy. There will always be someone who wants to control you and tell you what you are doing wrong.

...This is all generally speaking of course.

Every time I come on DCUM, I see a discussion about breastfeeding that devolves into people hurling insults at each other -- formula vs. breastmilk, early vs. late weaning, "no one has a problem with supply," "I would never feed my baby someone else's milk," etc. I feel the same way with other moms in "real life."

Why isn't it possible to have a rational discussion about this? Why are so many moms who BF determined to tell others that they are wrong for using formula? Why are so many people beating themselves up for not being able to BF? Why so much emotion around this?

I had trouble BFing myself and know all the emotion that goes into the frustration and pain and anger, but we don't need other moms judging and criticizing to make things worse! I seriously feel anxious whenever I pull out a bottle to give my kid in public (nevermind the fact that it is breastmilk I bend over backwards to pump).