OP here--thanks for the advice. We don't really do showers where I'm from; I actually thought they were supposed to be specifically for the bride, not the couple, which is why buying from the couple's registry confused me. I also don't do cash as a wedding gift--I know it's customary, but it feels so impersonal, plus this is a 2-lawyer couple in their late 30s. They have plenty of cash.

Like a PP said, I'd do gift for the shower and $ for the wedding.

How much you spend depends on how close you are to the couple, how much you can afford (ie if you are a student they shouldn't expect as much, imo!)

OP, have you checked with mutual friends of the bride? You could go in on a group gift, like a wine bucket and nice wine at the shower and then all the stemware from the registry for the wedding gift. Have it shipped. One less thing for the couple or wedding party to keep track of.

You might want to consider a charitable donation in the couple's honor to a cause they care about. All relationships can use some good karma.

Anonymous wrote:Im the pp who just got married. I realize the registry is a suggestion, but if a couple has a registry its because they would like those items. Why get someone a gift they don't want or can't use. We returned what we could, gave some things away and donated what was left. I want the person I buy the gift for to keep whatever I buy them so I use the registry

Hey princess, how 'bout putting gratitude and grace on your registry. You definitely need it and could use it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the pp who just got married. I realize the registry is a suggestion, but if a couple has a registry its because they would like those items. Why get someone a gift they don't want or can't use. We returned what we could, gave some things away and donated what was left. I want the person I buy the gift for to keep whatever I buy them so I use the registry

This is so sad, I don't even know what to say.

Sad, by typical DCUM Royalty.

Anonymous wrote:Im the pp who just got married. I realize the registry is a suggestion, but if a couple has a registry its because they would like those items. Why get someone a gift they don't want or can't use. We returned what we could, gave some things away and donated what was left. I want the person I buy the gift for to keep whatever I buy them so I use the registry

This is so sad, I don't even know what to say.

Anonymous wrote:Im the pp who just got married. I realize the registry is a suggestion, but if a couple has a registry its because they would like those items. Why get someone a gift they don't want or can't use. We returned what we could, gave some things away and donated what was left. I want the person I buy the gift for to keep whatever I buy them so I use the registry

You sound like a greedy, entitled princess. I truly was appreciative of everyone who wanted to celebrate our special day and was grateful whether they got us something from the registry, something they personally picked out or nothing. I had a friend who had been unemployed for almost 2 years and I was touched that they bought us a $5 gift that was not on our registry. I have kept and cherished that gift as much as anything else since I knew how hard it was to come by $5.

Anonymous wrote:I just got married. Everyone who attended the shower also got us a wedding gift. Please do the couple a favor and just buy off of their registry we spent an entire day attempting to return gifts having to guess where things came from it was crazy.

Will do, Princess.

You need a gift for both - the shower gift is usually half of what I spend on the wedding gift. Sometimes showers have "themes" so check the invitation - the theme usually dictates the gift (kitchen shower, lingerie shower blah blah)

Im the pp who just got married. I realize the registry is a suggestion, but if a couple has a registry its because they would like those items. Why get someone a gift they don't want or can't use. We returned what we could, gave some things away and donated what was left. I want the person I buy the gift for to keep whatever I buy them so I use the registry

Anonymous wrote:I just got married. Everyone who attended the shower also got us a wedding gift. Please do the couple a favor and just buy off of their registry we spent an entire day attempting to return gifts having to guess where things came from it was crazy.

The registry is supposed to be a suggestion. Sorry you feel inconvenienced about friends or family trying to buy you something they thought you might like or appreciate their specific idea. You just want what you want.

You buy a gift for the shower and then also for the wedding. My personal preference is to buy a very practical gift for the shower (kitchen stuff, towels, etc.) and something fancy for the wedding gift (crystal, china, etc)--always off the registry.

I know in some circles, it's more common to buy anything off the registry for the shower, and everyone gives cash for the wedding gift.

I just got married. Everyone who attended the shower also got us a wedding gift. Please do the couple a favor and just buy off of their registry we spent an entire day attempting to return gifts having to guess where things came from it was crazy.

You buy a gift for both- both from the registry. You could also give cash for the actual wedding but definitely a tangible gift for the shower. I usually spend around the $50 range for shower gifts.

I am invited to a friend's bridal shower and also to the wedding. Included in the shower announcement is information on where she is registered. Am I supposed to buy a gift off the registry for the shower? And is this the wedding gift, or am I supposed to buy another gift for the wedding?