Anonymous wrote:All of you who are saying that OP's child is just a "normal kid" who is behaving badly are doing her a real disservice. First of all, this child has been diagnosed -- TWICE by two different professionals -- as having an ASD. Presumably they had more to go by than just a paragraph on a message board, not to mention professional expertise. I am assuming that you don't have a child on the spectrum yourself because you don't recognize the rigidity and special interests.

And the reason you are doing OP a disservice is that you are feeding her denial. Read her post again. She has a diagnosis -- TWO, by TWO professionals -- and yet she is looking for ways to find something else going on, some other "condition" that would explain her child. And you are serving it up to her, because you think you know more than the professionals who have presumably done a full evaluation.

OP, ignore the posters who don't know what they are talking about and go back to to one of the professionals who diagnosed your child and ask him or her where to go from here.

Anonymous wrote:DS has been seen and tested by dozens of people. We only know that he's ADHD and has SPD. Two have said he's on the spectrum. He's eight yo.

Today I made breakfast for him (usually dad does). Dad makes him dollar pancakes. So I made him dollar pancakes too. Dad apparently lays the pancakes out in a swirly kind of design on the plate. I didn't do that. He told me I needed to do that because he's used to dad doing that for him. Then I also gave him slices of canteloupe and he said I should never put fruit on the same plate as his pancakes; it belongs in a separate bowl because that's the way he likes it. Then later this evening after he finished showering he asked Dad to dry him off with a towel. Dad refused saying he's old enough to do that on his own and walks out of the bathroom. He screams to dad, "Get back in here!!!" Do you want me to spray you?" He is holding the shower head in his hand. He has a total obsession (it's his perseveration) with electronic toys and other objects. He starts to take his toy "Operation" apart. I catch him and stop him from doing that. I tell him, "Wouldn't you like to donate that to a family with children who have no toys?" He looks guilty, but says no. I remind him that we donate thanksgiving baskets to the needy each year. I ask him if he enjoyed giving the baskets to charity or if he'd rather have the $45 in his pocket. He says he'd rather have the money for himself.

DS has lied and stolen before also from us and from others.

What's your take on this? What kind of disorder or condition makes a child so rude and inconsiderate?

Anonymous wrote:I'd say lots of signs of an ASD -- rigidity, special interests. It also sounds like your family has done what some families with kids with ASDs do which is accommodate bad behaviors because it seems so difficult to address them, but this just kicks the can down the road and its more difficult when they get older.

I would ignore 5:42. Yes, this is bad behavior but he really does have the signs of an ASD and you've gotten the diagnosis. I don't understand why you are confused when you've actually gotten the diagnosis, and a second opinion confirming it. It really sounds like you and your husband are just being passive in the face of all this and that doesn't serve your son's interests at all.

You need a developmental pediatrician to guide you through the appropriate interventions and you need a professional to assist you with behavior modification (with all due respect, a diet isn't going to fix this) because you have a lot to address and you need to do it carefully.

Just because your son has an AD it doesn't mean that you just let him behave in whatever manner he does. It means you have to step up and guide him so he will be able to function in the world as it is.

Anonymous wrote:Also OP -- you say two professionals have aid your child is on the spectrum -- so you actually have an autism diagnosis from a qualified professional? The rigidity and lack of empathy you describe definitely can be seen in autistic kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your son sounds a lot like mine. He definitely was rude and self centered but that part is getting better. He is very intense, and interactions with him can leave one drained, and yes, even hostile towards him. He does not draw out warm cuddly feelings from a parent.

He also has Executive Function disorder. One Executive Function is the ability to switch gears, or "cognitive set". He has a terrible time doing that. It was horrible when he was a toddler, and when he was in early elementary school he was at about the level of a toddler in his ability to switch gears. What I mean by that is, you know all the tricks you are supposed to use with a toddler to warn them that one activity is about to end and you will be leaving and moving on to do something else? Those FINALLY started working by the time he was in Kindergarten.


Things had to be exactly the way he was expecting them, or he was unable to move on. And it was't the case that if you just held firm and refused to cater, he'd eventually get over it. He just never got over to, and would explode in frustration and the worst thing was, if you really stuck to it and weathered a three hour storm (over the size or shape of pancakes, say) the NEXT time it happened, you'd have to do the same thing all over again -- he wouldn't learn from these events! And disciplining him didn't help eaither.

What did help was reading "The Explosive CHild" and learning to treat this difficulty switching gears as a developmental delay, recognizing what his present level of functioning was, and trying to deal with him as if he were a much younger child but teach him how to handle changes at that younger level and move him up the ladder of skills. This part was really hard because I got a lot of accusations from family that I was coddling and enabling his behavior, but I just ignored them because I could tell I was on the right track because I was seeing improvement. THings are so much better now -- he is 10, and also I think his brain has just matured. I'd say he was working more on the level of an 8 year old now in terms of his ability to be adaptable and switch gears, but that is so much easier to live with!