OH -- to answer your actual questions: if your mom can only help out in a limited way -- can she help provide some freezer meals? Can she come and sit and read stories with your toddler? Can she visit especially around 4-6 PM (the witching hour when everyone falls apart?) Can you hire a local teenager to come by during those hours? Some are good, some aren't -- you can start looking around now. I had a young girl come by and play with my child while he wait in his exersaucer during the pre-dinner meltdown period. I also used baby Einstein videos which no one uses anymore I don't think.

It would be very expensive to hire someone to come by for a week at a time, I think. I'd send the child to daycare instead.

OP, did you breastfeed your first child? Was that part of why it was so hard with a newborn?

This is just my personal experience, and I'm sure not true for everyone, but I personally found breastfeeding the first one time consuming and exhausting -- there was a steep learning curve for me. And what I also found was that it all came a LOT easier with the second one. I had already mastered so many things, and the milk also came a lot more quickly -- it was like my body knew more what to do. I had already mastered the art of using a sling (so I could nurse the baby while walking around).

It took about 2 weeks to physically recover and get nursing established, and then I was more or less back to normal... carrying the baby many places in the sling while I took the older child out and about. Even so I had a lot of help for the first 6 weeks. Other moms in our neighborhood made meals for us 2 or 3 x a week and we had also prepped a lot of easy freezer dinners. My husband took 2 weeks off, and each grandma came for 2 weeks so I had help for a total of 6 weeks and that got me through the toughest part. They also cooked meals and put some in the freezer. The baby did sleep most of the day at first and that helped.

Also I spent a LOT less time thinking about "stimulating" the newborn -- I just let her watch her older brother for interesting things to do! And I spent a lot less time worrying than I did with my first born. If the baby was sleeping, I was doing housework -- or playing with the toddler.

Two year olds are high-maintenance children, still, as they have every right to be. If you have the resources to outsource some of the childcare with #1, do it. I think the 2 yo will be happy to get out of the house and have regular playdates with someone other than exhausted mum (because mums are exhausted the first three months out).

DC1 was just shy of 15 months when DC2 was born, so I understand wondering how you're going to do it. I quit my job to stay at home at this point (and pulled DC1 from daycare 2 weeks before baby was born). DH took 2 weeks off and my dad helped us for the first week as well. I couldn't really envision how I'd do it by myself all day even up to the day DH went back to work, and then that morning arrived, and it just happened. You just do what you have to when the time comes.

What helped me most was 1) an as-childproofed-as-possible room where I could leave DC1 safely for a few minutes at a time (at 2 maybe longer than that!), 2) a soft baby carrier (baby K'Tan and mei tai), and 3) sticking faithfully to DC1's schedule. DC1 dropped the morning nap at the same time so 3a) was getting out of the house every morning, but this may make others crazier instead of more sane.

Delivery and recovery were also so much easier second time around. I hope the same for you!

I don't really understand the "SAHMs will get to a point of sanity while WOHMs will not." What am I missing? (Will I regret asking that?)

I'd keep sending the older one to daycare.

And don't listen to the haters out there - after we had our second, I was terrified of being on my own when my husband went back to work, and he took off 6 weeks of paternity leave. But it isn't as hard as you fear. So much of it is easier with #2. It isn't as much of a shock to the system, you really can't be in that blurry phase of sleeplessness even if you want to because your older child still needs to be on his schedule.

It gets easier. Promise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant and when I give birth my baby will be almost 2. Am I supposed to take care of a 2 year old and a newborn by myself on my 3 month maternity leave? I was barely able to take care of my first child when she was a newborn. I am confused -- what do people do? My DH will probably be able to take 2 weeks off work (maybe) if even that. My mother is in the area, but she is older and can only help a very limited amount. Do most people hire someone? If so, where do I find someone to help? Do mothers do this on their own?

This is not meant to be mean or anything, but really? What do you think most of us who stay home do when we add another kid to the family? I would assume that you would leave your older child in daycare during maternity leave. But if you cannot take care of a newborn and a 2 year old "by yourself," then whey did you have kids. I am not trying to say this in a mean way, but I am being serious.

I'm not the OP, but a SAHM keeping her kids and a working mom keeping them during maternity leave is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. In three months the mom will have to go back to work. It does no one any good if she is going back exhausted. Not her kids, not her, not her husband, and not her employer. The SAHM will get to a place of sanity, the working mom won't.

OP mine were just over 3 years apart and I kept my 3 year old in daycare/preschool most days. It's important to spend the time with bonding with the baby especially if you are going back to work - I didn't feel guilty at all and the 3 year old would have hated missing preschool that long.

You just do it. It's that hard and that easy. I had two year old twins when my third was born. Third spent a lot of time in a moby, and I counted down the minutes until afternoon nap often, but you just do it and get through it.

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant and when I give birth my baby will be almost 2. Am I supposed to take care of a 2 year old and a newborn by myself on my 3 month maternity leave? I was barely able to take care of my first child when she was a newborn. I am confused -- what do people do? My DH will probably be able to take 2 weeks off work (maybe) if even that. My mother is in the area, but she is older and can only help a very limited amount. Do most people hire someone? If so, where do I find someone to help? Do mothers do this on their own?

This is not meant to be mean or anything, but really? What do you think most of us who stay home do when we add another kid to the family? I would assume that you would leave your older child in daycare during maternity leave. But if you cannot take care of a newborn and a 2 year old "by yourself," then whey did you have kids. I am not trying to say this in a mean way, but I am being serious.

OP, I'm with the others that are confused about who would normally be taking care of #1. I kept my older one in daycare and did occasional early pick-ups, but in general it was good to keep her normal routine and it was great to have one-on-one time with the newborn.

At some point you are going to have to figure out how to manage two, and it is easier to do it when the newborn sleeps 20 hours a day. Most SAHMs do it without any help (no daycare, nannies, family). It's hard and exhausting, but it can be done. I had a repeat cesarean for the second and was flying solo 5 days after I returned from the hospital. I found it to be much easier the second time around. Good luck!

When I was a nanny I'd work 12 hours shifts with 4 kids and just go go go.

Once I became a mom I understood why my bosses were always so tired and cranky. Goodness, giving birth is no easy task!

DC1 was 22mo when DC2 arrived. DH was home for 2 weeks - what a blessing! We don't have family around so I hired a mother's helper. She was 16 and her only job was to play with DC1 while I either slept with the baby or rested, did housework, whatever. She also was supposed to do the kids' laundry but we barely got there. It didn't work at all. My toddler hated her and she didn't make an effort to help or even get DC1 busy.

Now DC2 is 2mos and we have a teacher working as our nanny. She takes over toddler duty and is so proactive I barely have to tell her what to do. It's been really helpful to have her around. By the time DH gets home dinner is on its way and everybody is in a good mood. She's here during the afternoon until the witching hour is over, around 6pm.

Best decision ever!

I'm planning to take my 3yo to daycare most days, at least from 9-3 or so, while I'm on maternity leave. I think it's going to be important for him to keep his normal schedule and for me and the new baby to bond and establish breastfeeding.

I also don't understand why you will be at home with two kids. If it is maternity leave, leave the older kid in his or her regular daycare situation for the duration.

Since you say it's a 3 month maternity leave I assume you are working? Is the 2 y.o. in childcare now while you work? So can't they still go to the child care while you are on maternity leave?

I am pregnant and when I give birth my baby will be almost 2. Am I supposed to take care of a 2 year old and a newborn by myself on my 3 month maternity leave? I was barely able to take care of my first child when she was a newborn. I am confused -- what do people do? My DH will probably be able to take 2 weeks off work (maybe) if even that. My mother is in the area, but she is older and can only help a very limited amount. Do most people hire someone? If so, where do I find someone to help? Do mothers do this on their own?