Anonymous wrote:Okay thank you.

While I feel very sorry for her child, and IF it is my boyfriend's child, that would make it a half-sibling to my child, I refuse to subject my child to a bunch of drama.

There is a LOT more to this woman than I am letting on, because I didn't want that to distract from my questions. She and her family have a LOT of issues. Involving myself with her would mean having my child exposed to them. She and her family and new husband all think we should all be friends and hang out and have play dates. Um, not happening.

I have not tried to sway my boyfriend either way on what to do about the child. He says he just doesn't want to be an involved father. If he has to pay support, fine, but that's all his involvement. He won't talk about it, and I have no problem if he does want to see this other child if it is his, but he just feels it would be way more trouble than its worth. Plus this child knows the new husband as Dad, and he feels it would just be better to leave it that way. So not much I can do about that.

Wow, if the child is his he thinks it would be "more trouble than it is worth" to see his child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a man.

Not the OP, but why is his choosing to stay out of the child's life any different than giving a child up for adoption?

With adoption, the child has parents. This is not an adoption situation. Boyfriend needs to take a paternity test and man up and pay child support. Its his right to choose not to be a father to this child but OP has to really think about what example that sets for her child and if he refuses to take care of one, then why not in the future refuse to take care of hers/both children. If he were smart, he'd take the paternity test and when/if she files for child support, he counter file for visitation.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a man.

Not the OP, but why is his choosing to stay out of the child's life any different than giving a child up for adoption?

Maybe your man will have a longing sense of guilt about abandoning this child.
How will your kid feel when it finds out about the sibling as an adult?

Agreed. However, the new husband is the only father figure this child has known, and he's actually pretty decent. So that was another reason for leaving well enough alone I guess.
It's just sad all around, really.

Just a thought: if this is your boyfriend's child, and if the mom's family is full of drama and issues, this new child will need a stable father figure.

Yes, he is a man. Takes care of his child very well thank you. This is a very complicated situation, and again, there is way more to this woman and her family then I've put out here. It's easy to judge, and I didn't come her for judgment, but believe me, we've all (me, him, his own family, etc) discussed what would be the best way to handle this. It's not an easy choice to make. At all. And like I said, if it is his child, he will financially support the child, because it is the right thing to do. Maybe one day he will have a different view as far as a relationship with this child, however, in order to do so, would mean years of unnecessary nonsense from the mother.

Wow, what a man.

Okay thank you.

While I feel very sorry for her child, and IF it is my boyfriend's child, that would make it a half-sibling to my child, I refuse to subject my child to a bunch of drama.

There is a LOT more to this woman than I am letting on, because I didn't want that to distract from my questions. She and her family have a LOT of issues. Involving myself with her would mean having my child exposed to them. She and her family and new husband all think we should all be friends and hang out and have play dates. Um, not happening.

I have not tried to sway my boyfriend either way on what to do about the child. He says he just doesn't want to be an involved father. If he has to pay support, fine, but that's all his involvement. He won't talk about it, and I have no problem if he does want to see this other child if it is his, but he just feels it would be way more trouble than its worth. Plus this child knows the new husband as Dad, and he feels it would just be better to leave it that way. So not much I can do about that.

she can go after the father of her baby.
Have you thought about including this kid in your family? You cannot really deny it that your child has a sibling

Okay thank you. I didn't think she could dictate what happens to my support.

Does anyone however, know whether or not she can even go after my boyfriend since she was married when this child was born and is listed on the birth certificate as the father? She currently is suing him for child support and dna testing has been ordered.

Here are the Maryland guidelines calculators. You can plug in your $$ and existing circumstances to get a good idea what is going on. There is a line there for deducting child support already paid to other kids.

http://www.dhr.state.md.us/CSOCGuide/App/disclaimer.do

My guess (and it's only a guess), because the lawyer should know:

She has no power over your child support agreement. She will have to sue your boyfriend for child support of their child, if in fact he is the father. Any current child support he pays is deducted from his available monthly income when determining child support for her child.

What "could" possibly happen is that he determines he can't afford both child support payments, and he files for a modification of your child support agreement based on the fact he has another child.

First, you need a consultation with an attorney to answer the question as to your child support and whether or not it will be affected. Should be fairly easy to figure out if you know your bf's income, what he pays you and if it is fact this other woman does not work.

Second, your boyfriend also needs a consultation with an attorney. Especially since this woman was married at time of birth, making her husband legally the father.

Third, if she contacts you again, file harassment charges against her. No one deserves to be aggrevated like that.

I have a child with my boyfriend, and he pays support (supposedly at the maximum calculation for MD) to me for our child.

During part of my pregnancy, we broke up. He went to a few parties, got a little too drunk, and here comes one
of his friends claiming she's pregnant. He denies it's his, as he doesn't remember 'hooking up'. Of course, there is always
the chance. We got back together right before our child was born and I'm contacted by this friend, telling me her claim.
He didn't deny they were at a party together, and since we were split up, I can't be too angry. She bugged him for about
a month, but he had found out she was seeing other people at the same time (and immediately got tested for STDs), so
he didn't believe her claim and told her to stop contacting him.

Anyway, fast foward over a year. Her child is a year old. I find out she was still legally married at the time the child was born.
She is now divorced. I get an email from her telling me she is filing for child support against my boyfriend and that
her child deserves everything my child has and that she will make sure he pays as much as legally allowed and make sure
my child gets nothing or next to nothing and that she knows we have a support order and she will get the judge to reduce
mine since I work and she doesn't so that she gets what I get for my child. This woman is nuts. I didn't even respond, other
than asking her to stop contacting me and blocking her from contacting me further.

I spoke with an attorney before this email, because I knew this might come back up to surface, and they told us to
get a custody and support agreement in writing through the court, just in case. I was also told IF it turns out he is the father
of this child, and she takes him to court for support, the amount he pays me will be deducted from his income in determining
support paid to her.

My child is my first priority, and I understand if he has another child he will have to help support that child. However, I am
not happy that my child's support is being 'attacked' by this woman.
IF she follows through with her threat, she would have to file a paternity case, get that proved, then ask for support.
(She is currently having her ex-husband disproved as the child's father) And IF it turns out he is the father,
will a judge (different county than the one my case is filed in) order that the support paid to me be reduced to make
way for hers or will they just deduct what he pays for our child from his income and then use that amount to
figure support for her child?

This is stressing me out - the whole situation - and it is what it is, but I don't like people making idle threats and I
want to prepare myself if there is a possibility that my child's support will be affected.

Thank you (and please, don't be nasty to me about the situation, it's embarassing as it is, and my life normally does not have
any drama whatsoever, until this mess happened.) for any help or suggestions anyone may have to offer.