My in-laws are over-involved - constantly criticizing, taking over, over-riding our parenting BUT they watch the kids while we work, and have been there for us and the kids front and center through DS' time in the NICU, surgeries, therapies (well, some disagreements on the therapy front...), etc. Plus, the kids LOVE their grandparents. The criticism and over-involvement are tough at times, but I try to look on the bright side since they do so much.

I'm so sorry, OP. Your situation sounds rough. But are you sure you really want to hear all about other people's wonderful grandparents? I can't imagine how that would make you feel any better.

Just curious, have you asked them for concrete help or are you just waiting around for them to offer? My mother-in-law who lives 20 minutes away never wants to interfere or be the "meddling MIL" so she backs off almost TOO much. But she will happily do any favor we ask of her.

My parents are the best. They could not be more helpful and supportive. They spend lots and lots of time with DS (they're local), and he loves them. DH's parents are completely uninvolved. They're divorced. We get birthday and holiday cards from "grandma" and nothing from "grandpa." Your parents seem to fall in the middle of the spectrum. Perhaps they don't know how to make themselves useful. You could try asking for specific help such as financial assistance or a short visit to help with logistics during DS's hospital stay.

Hugs to you, OP. My prayers are with your son.

It sounds like the part where your parents fall down on the job is in actually pitching in, not in their level of concern. It may just be too much for them. My parents are just nervous around young kids. They love to visit and play but they aren't confident about being responsible for them even though they had a few of their own. I just accept that.

You are under enormous stress. But I think you need to cut your parents some slack. They just aren't up for it. They've raised their children, they are older, and they don't feel they can take this on. The fact is that there isn't enough they can do, your family's needs are so great, so they will inevitably fall short. It doesn't mean they are terrible people, just that this isn't one they can handle. Find others -- friends? -- who can.

hang in there, I pray that everything turns out well for you. No good grandparents story from me though, my mom is as unsupportive as possible

Thanks PPs. It usually doesn't hurt so much, just facing this surgery has brought all of these emotions to a head. I need to slow down and just think though how to handle each individual problem (care for DD, logistics of taking a leave from work, all of the pre-op appointments) systematically instead of spending my precious time getting angry about how my parents act. I cann't control it and it's not my fault that they don't help.

Thanks again for listening to this vent!!!

So sorry, OP . I know your son is in good hands at Childrens.

We have one set of supportive and one not at all. It sucks.

I'm so sorry OP. That is sad. My parents are awesome with my SN son. My DH and I ended up foreclosing on our house a few years ago while trying to keep up on all of our son's appointments, tests, and hospitalizations. My parents took us in for as long as we needed. It's not always easy living with our DS but they are great with him. I can't imagine not having my parent's support. Again, I am so sorry. I hope your son's recovery goes smoothly.

Not me! When my sister and I had our kids (first grandkids in the family) one week apart I thought it was so cool but my kid turned out to be SN and hers didn't so all I get is mean and unfair comparisons. So sorry OP. Two weeks in the hospital is a really long time. Hope you all do okay.

Having a horrid day. DS needs surgery again and it will be a painful recovery with at least two weeks in Children's.
This is a total vent.

My mom is a total bitch and my dad is a self-absorbed blowhard. They both love to talk up DS to their friends at church and post updates on FB. But when it comes to offering real physical or emotional support - they are as useless as poop. My mom is leaving to go her beachhouse and cannt be bothered to help with my older DD. Dad keeps asking when DH will make partner at big law so I can quit my job. Maybe if he was willing cut down in his green fees to help with our massive medical bills, it might happen.

Anyone out there have parents who actually HELP instead of just using stories of DC to look cool?