Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 09:22     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the exact opposite. I believe kids learn things through repetition, so am happy to indulge it. My LO doesn't have trouble playing with other kids, so I figure why not let her have an environment where she can experiment with controlling both sides. But she starts making changes herself after a while and I would find the game equally boring if she didn't tell me what to do, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.


Not OP but I thought the same thing as you until my 4 year old would get full out frustrated and angry when I didn't say things "just right" and since I'm not a mind-reader--it wasn't fun for anyone. I also tell her that I will be the queen to her snow white (I do a great wicked queen cackle) and I will follow the story but I can't say things exactly. She wasn't happy at first but now she is. Compromise--meet her halfway. And she does plenty of independent play too, we just also do this.

They want things "just right" because it is one of the few times in their lives as a four yr old that they can truly control ANYTHING. It is their chance to "be the boss" , so to speak. Indulge them. The stage passes more quickly that way. You are NOT teaching them to be bossy by letting them dictate the way they play with their parents, or other adults close to them. They will act differently with children in most cases.
Frankly I see it as a chance to infuse manners, gently, into the play time with them. In a upbeat and playful way. I don't tell them I won't play with them unless I get my way too.


Yeah but she gets angry when I don't do things to her exact specifications even when I try, it just turns into frustration city not because I'm not indulging but literally because I can't read her mind. We play snow white 8-10 times in a row where I play the queen, the mirror, the dwarves, the queen as a hag, the dwarves again and then the prince. She is always just snow white . We do it the same way each time but before she would say "now you say this" and if I had one word wrong she'd dissolve into tears (she's a high string kid). So my compromise is that I will act out our "play" and we essentially do it the same way each time but she can't tell me what to say. It's a good compromise because she's no longer flipping out when I don't try to follow her exact script.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 08:46     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:I'm going to come off pretty badly here. My daughter is constantly asking me to play pretend with her, but it's always in exactly the same somewhat bossy way. As in "You say [this]" so that she can act out her little story, interjecting to tell me my next line, and getting annoyed when I don't say it exactly the way she did.

I'm kind of fed up with it. It's the exact same thing, over and over again. It's bossy. And it's boring. I love to engage in pretend play, like building blanket forts and saying they're castles, playing queen and princess at meals (the princess has lovely table manners), doing funny voices with stuffed animals, etc. But this "now YOU say..." just rubs me the wrong way.

How scarred will she be if I just shut this game down once and for all? Knowing her, I can't do a once a day policy, because she'll beg and plead and whine if given any leeway. It needs to be full stop. But it feels mean to do that... this is her very most favorite "game", and has been for several months.


My kids rarely ask me to play with them. Is your daughter in preschool? If not, maybe you should consider it, as perhaps she needs another outlet.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 08:35     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:I'm going to come off pretty badly here. My daughter is constantly asking me to play pretend with her, but it's always in exactly the same somewhat bossy way. As in "You say [this]" so that she can act out her little story, interjecting to tell me my next line, and getting annoyed when I don't say it exactly the way she did.

I'm kind of fed up with it. It's the exact same thing, over and over again. It's bossy. And it's boring. I love to engage in pretend play, like building blanket forts and saying they're castles, playing queen and princess at meals (the princess has lovely table manners), doing funny voices with stuffed animals, etc. But this "now YOU say..." just rubs me the wrong way.

How scarred will she be if I just shut this game down once and for all? Knowing her, I can't do a once a day policy, because she'll beg and plead and whine if given any leeway. It needs to be full stop. But it feels mean to do that... this is her very most favorite "game", and has been for several months.


The title of this thread definitely got my attention, as it describes a lot of my parenting experience. However, I don't see why you can't at least try to institute a once a day policy or put a time limit on the pretend play that your daughter controls. With my daughter, this is usually 20-40 minutes (meaning I do 20-25, but DH is more likely to do 30-60 minutes; DH is pretty indulgent).

Also, how old is your daughter? Mine started doing this at age 3 and got better at improvising and responding to the unexpected as she got older. she's now 6.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 08:15     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the exact opposite. I believe kids learn things through repetition, so am happy to indulge it. My LO doesn't have trouble playing with other kids, so I figure why not let her have an environment where she can experiment with controlling both sides. But she starts making changes herself after a while and I would find the game equally boring if she didn't tell me what to do, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.


Not OP but I thought the same thing as you until my 4 year old would get full out frustrated and angry when I didn't say things "just right" and since I'm not a mind-reader--it wasn't fun for anyone. I also tell her that I will be the queen to her snow white (I do a great wicked queen cackle) and I will follow the story but I can't say things exactly. She wasn't happy at first but now she is. Compromise--meet her halfway. And she does plenty of independent play too, we just also do this.

They want things "just right" because it is one of the few times in their lives as a four yr old that they can truly control ANYTHING. It is their chance to "be the boss" , so to speak. Indulge them. The stage passes more quickly that way. You are NOT teaching them to be bossy by letting them dictate the way they play with their parents, or other adults close to them. They will act differently with children in most cases.
Frankly I see it as a chance to infuse manners, gently, into the play time with them. In a upbeat and playful way. I don't tell them I won't play with them unless I get my way too.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 07:03     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:I am the exact opposite. I believe kids learn things through repetition, so am happy to indulge it. My LO doesn't have trouble playing with other kids, so I figure why not let her have an environment where she can experiment with controlling both sides. But she starts making changes herself after a while and I would find the game equally boring if she didn't tell me what to do, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.


Not OP but I thought the same thing as you until my 4 year old would get full out frustrated and angry when I didn't say things "just right" and since I'm not a mind-reader--it wasn't fun for anyone. I also tell her that I will be the queen to her snow white (I do a great wicked queen cackle) and I will follow the story but I can't say things exactly. She wasn't happy at first but now she is. Compromise--meet her halfway. And she does plenty of independent play too, we just also do this.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 00:29     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
I am the exact opposite. I believe kids learn things through repetition, so am happy to indulge it. My LO doesn't have trouble playing with other kids, so I figure why not let her have an environment where she can experiment with controlling both sides. But she starts making changes herself after a while and I would find the game equally boring if she didn't tell me what to do, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/09/2012 00:13     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
My host sister was like that and I just said to her a couple of times that if she wanted to tell me what to say she'd have a better time playing with her stuffed animals.

If she wanted me to play with her I would only do it if I could say things for myself.

She got the message pretty quickly.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 23:34     Subject: Re:Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:It is an even better time to encourage independent play.


That too. Balance of both. And maybe set up some playdates.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 23:14     Subject: Re:Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
Anonymous wrote:It is an even better time to encourage independent play.


I completely agree.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 19:09     Subject: Re:Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
It is an even better time to encourage independent play.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 18:42     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
I think this is a chance to introduce cooperative play and not being bossy. As someone mentioned, if she played like this with her friends it probably wouldn't go over well.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 17:35     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
And. It all 4 year olds will stand up to to Miss Bossy Pants. I'd approach it by teaching her to respect other people's ideas and wishes.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 17:27     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
What would another 4 year old do? Well, another four year old wouldn't stand for it! "No, I want to play my way!" and "I want to use my own imagination!"

Luckily, you have better manners, so you don't have to say it that way, so you can convey the same sentiment kindly and directly. She'll get the message. There might be some tantrums to start, though. So be it.

Signed
"Prince Eric" to my daughter's Ariel

ps: I do indulge my daughter to a certain extent, but not all the time... because, you're right, it gets boring! Nanny says the same thing.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 17:19     Subject: Re:Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
My son is 4 and does this as well. We play superheros and he picks which hero I am, how I must move, and what I must say. I always tell him, "If I am going to play with you, you have to allow me to play the way I want to." I give him choices, with some things in the pretend play, such as he picks which hero I am, but I chose my moves, and what I say. Children have a great imagination and want to be in charge, allow them to make choices but they should not demand or be bossy. If your daughter does not like that you have a say in the game, then the game stops.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2012 17:13     Subject: Indulging boring/ annoying pretend play
I'm going to come off pretty badly here. My daughter is constantly asking me to play pretend with her, but it's always in exactly the same somewhat bossy way. As in "You say [this]" so that she can act out her little story, interjecting to tell me my next line, and getting annoyed when I don't say it exactly the way she did.

I'm kind of fed up with it. It's the exact same thing, over and over again. It's bossy. And it's boring. I love to engage in pretend play, like building blanket forts and saying they're castles, playing queen and princess at meals (the princess has lovely table manners), doing funny voices with stuffed animals, etc. But this "now YOU say..." just rubs me the wrong way.

How scarred will she be if I just shut this game down once and for all? Knowing her, I can't do a once a day policy, because she'll beg and plead and whine if given any leeway. It needs to be full stop. But it feels mean to do that... this is her very most favorite "game", and has been for several months.