Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each of us having our "own thing" to do. He plays basketball twice a week, I meet friends or dinner/lunch/brunch every now and then. We realized early on we don't have to do EVERYTHING together.

Sharing responsibilities - he cleans, I cook. He does the laundry, I fold it, etc.

We are very good at communicating.

We have sex at least twice a week, even when I don't want to (which is 85% of the time - but I NEVER regret it afterwards)

Can you share this with the wives in the unhappy marriage thread?

I think we set this "goal" maybe 18 months ago. I really think it has made our relationship better. Usually one time a week is easy but the second time I am most likely NOT in the mood, but again, I never regret it afterwards. It is kind of like a game to try to get the "two times" in each week.

It is like that show "Seven Days of Sex" or something like that. I forget what channel it is on and I have only seen snippets of it, but couples need to have sex every day for seven days. It is supposed to make the marriage better. Seven days would be rough for me (unless we were on vacation, without kids)

We both appreciate each other as equals, and work to maintain each other's independence. I want him to socialize with his own friends, and encourage him to do so, and he wants me to advance in my career, and encourages me to do so. We're both willing to be the one to get the car repaired or to notice the kids need larger shoes and buy them, because we let circumstances, not gender, determine who does what. And because we both have fully stepped up to the plate on most everything at least once, we can sympathize with the other about what it's like. Neither of us wants to become a martyr and let resentment build. And if one of us is hungover or just wants to sit on the couch and eat cheetos for dinner, we still enjoy the other's respect and comraderie because of all the other things we did that week to earn it.

As I write this, it sounds like some endless Darwinian struggle. Maybe we're both deeply insecure and have to constantly prove ourselves to the other. But hey, that's probably what it takes to keep a 10-year partnership on track.

Awww,I love this thread. I'm from the miserable marriage thread adn as an optimist in life this thread makes me happy to read......

we make each other laugh. we travel perfectly together (which is a big deal because we travel a lot). we have similar financial priorities and are both interested in a similar saving/ vs living balanace (saving, travel beats out cars for both of us, with occasional splurges).

the sex is still fun and frequent (usually) after 14 years. we don't have radically conflicting ways of seeing the world (i think this is a biggie- opposites attract but its a lot of work when you fundamentally can never really be on the same page- who ALWAYS wants to "agree to disagree" with the person who is their partner in the world)- extends to raising children a lot too.

he thinks i am funnier than i am and i think the same thing about him. there is a real love there, sometimes we can just be sitting somewhere or on some adventure, or even just a mundane drive to target and you can just feel it in the silence. i don't think he would articulate it in such a sappy way, but i know he has that feeling too- by the way he communicates it to me.

We like watching the same TV shows. We enjoy a glass of wine together every night before dinner. We share similar values about raising our children. We fight a lot, but we never give up trying to work things out and communicate better.

Laughter. And lots of it.

We found a hobby (camping) that we and the kids enjoy and make time for every other weekend when the weather is nice. Great chance to get away from the rush of work, cooking, cleaning, etc. AND the kids love it too!

We communicate well, we still love each other despite the other's faults. We are very supportive of each other and always have a shoulder for the other to lean on. I'm an extrovert he's an introvert so we balance each other out.

We don't do everything together, we have out own separate activities. I don't want to have sex as much as he does, but he's always able to get me going and it's always worthwhile

Anonymous wrote:Each of us having our "own thing" to do. He plays basketball twice a week, I meet friends or dinner/lunch/brunch every now and then. We realized early on we don't have to do EVERYTHING together.

Sharing responsibilities - he cleans, I cook. He does the laundry, I fold it, etc.

We are very good at communicating.

We have sex at least twice a week, even when I don't want to (which is 85% of the time - but I NEVER regret it afterwards)

Can you share this with the wives in the unhappy marriage thread?

Anonymous wrote:He genuinely loves me and I love him. He's an amazing father. He treats my family as well as he treats his own. He makes me laugh. The sex is still frequent and great. He indulges my ridiculous side. He truly loves to spend time as a family. He's good looking and thinks I'm beautiful as well. We still flirt. He's kind to all my friends and will go to any outing I plan with other couple/family friends. We text or chat throughout the day, especially when he's gone. He does the stuff I hate, like driving at night or driving long distances. He can and does help clean the house. He watches my favorite shows with me even though he pretends to hate them.

I miss the flirting and texting/emailing throughout the day. I keep trying though.

Each of us having our "own thing" to do. He plays basketball twice a week, I meet friends or dinner/lunch/brunch every now and then. We realized early on we don't have to do EVERYTHING together.

Sharing responsibilities - he cleans, I cook. He does the laundry, I fold it, etc.

We are very good at communicating.

We have sex at least twice a week, even when I don't want to (which is 85% of the time - but I NEVER regret it afterwards)

No money worries. He earns more than we spend. There's not much else to fuss about.

He genuinely loves me and I love him. He's an amazing father. He treats my family as well as he treats his own. He makes me laugh. The sex is still frequent and great. He indulges my ridiculous side. He truly loves to spend time as a family. He's good looking and thinks I'm beautiful as well. We still flirt. He's kind to all my friends and will go to any outing I plan with other couple/family friends. We text or chat throughout the day, especially when he's gone. He does the stuff I hate, like driving at night or driving long distances. He can and does help clean the house. He watches my favorite shows with me even though he pretends to hate them.

Mine isn't always happy, but it usually is. For us, it boils down to communication and identifying and changing patterns when things aren't working well. We acknowledge that we are dynamic people affected by changing outside conditions so it is important to reflect together on a regular basis to determine whether we should make big (or small) changes. We each need different things at different times, so it is important to recognize new needs quickly and not just get angry that past situations aren't working anymore.

For me it was finally (after almost 6 years) accepting my DH as he is and focusing on his strengths instead of pointing out his weaknesses. It also helps that we genuinely love each other.