Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 19:12     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

OP do you really know yourself so well that you are sure you aren't part of the problem to some extent? That's why there's counseling.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 18:50     Subject: Re:DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

OP, get a divorce, life is too short and you sound miserable!
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 18:41     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, OP here, he said a few years ago when I Brought this up that he felt "no emotional connection" to me. He did not initiate again int he years following, except maybe once a year. Yes there are problems in the maririage and agree that this could indicate huge problems.


Cut your loses and get out of the marriage. You are young and should be with someone you can have a full, happy, and sexual relationship with.
FBO
Post 06/07/2012 17:54     Subject: Re:DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

I have to agree with above. You know what you need to do but you dont want to admit it. You need to put YOURSELF first in this one and decide what YOU need to be happy for the rest of your life.

BTDT & it sucks. But its what you have to do to keep YOU.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 17:52     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, OP here, he said a few years ago when I Brought this up that he felt "no emotional connection" to me. He did not initiate again int he years following, except maybe once a year. Yes there are problems in the maririage and agree that this could indicate huge problems.


OP - what's going on with you? Years of no sex, husband tells you he has no emotional connection to you, is apparently unwilling to work on the relationship. Is there ANY benefit you are getting from this marriage? Does he know this is a huge problem?
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 17:50     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

Hmmm, OP here, he said a few years ago when I Brought this up that he felt "no emotional connection" to me. He did not initiate again int he years following, except maybe once a year. Yes there are problems in the maririage and agree that this could indicate huge problems.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 16:58     Subject: Re:DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

If you both are in your 30s, how old are your kids? Stress of young kids (ie. sleepless nights, lack of time for oneself, lack of time together as a couple) can cause a huge strain on a marriage.

Also, what does he exactly say when you ask for sex?

If he says he is too tired at night, try initiating early in the morning. I sometimes set my clock 1 hour before we have to get up so we have time then.

If he says he is stressed, maybe pour him his drink of choice (my husband likes a beer or a glass of wine) and give him a massage. Tell him you want him to feel better. You can also say, sex is a great stress reliever.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2012 16:49     Subject: Re:DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

In my opinion, lack of sex often is an indicator of deeper issues than physical problems especially for a healthy couple in their 30's. No sex for a year would indicate huge problems in the marriage. If he is willing to talk and work on issues, I would try to work things out. If not, I would not continue in a sexless marriage.

Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 14:40     Subject: Re:DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

OP, these are your words:
Specficially, I believe that past behavior predicts future behavior, and for several years now DH has rarely (mabye once or twice a year) initiated sex

What the heck was he like pre-kids? What about pre-marriage? How did he woo you, given that you like sex so much?
I think at a minimum, you need to discuss it with him - like the PP said, tell him out you love him, how important sex is to you, etc... and, hear him out. You may want or need to try counseling. Divorce at this stage seems rushed.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 14:29     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

OP, I think you should tell DH-- nicely-- that this is a huge and potentially marriage-ending issue for you -- that his lack of sexual interest in you is hurtful and reduces any sense of intimacy, and that you don't want to be in a sexless marriage. But I also think you should tell him (assuming it's true!) that you care about him and would like to try to improve the marriage, if it is possible, but that he needs to a) understand that this is really serious, and b) commit to making a major effort to address this through therapy.

If he can't do both those things, end the marriage. But if he says he will try, give it some time. How long, I don't know-- 6 months or a year?
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 14:26     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

post a pic of yourself and we can let you know what we think
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 14:24     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

What is his reasoning? Have you asked?

No, I did not get divorced. I tried to talk it out. That did not work because it would only cause a shut down. It was very frustrating. If you aren't interested, then at least explain why. Oh those were tough times that built years of resentment.

Eventually the reasoning surfaced. It was stress. Plain and simple stress. Once the stress was gone, so was the constant rejection, arguments, etc.

Good luck.

Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 14:20     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

You have already made your decision. You don't need anyone's approval to divorce a gay husband!
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 14:05     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

What does he say about it when you discuss it?

Have the 2 of you gone to a sex therapist?
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2012 13:44     Subject: DH not initiated sex in over a year now - -- to divorce or not?

Hi, my healthy DH in his 30s has not initiated sex in over a calendar year now. I don't mean to start another sexless marriage thread -- but rather to hear from others who have been in my shoes. Specficially, I believe that past behavior predicts future behavior, and for several years now DH has rarely (mabye once or twice a year) initiated sex; I am fit, also 30s, with two kids with DH, and I have a high sex drive; the lack of sex literally tortures me; so, if you have been in my shoes, did you divorce? If you did not divorce, do you regret not divorcing? I can't imagine a life without sex. DH has been tested and his hormones/health check out; i have also posted on the "how to tell if your DH is closet gay" thread. I am really not sure I can resist divorcing at this point as sex is important to me. Thoughts, anyone who has been there? Perspectives?