My mom had my little sister when I was 12 and my older sister was 14. It was like my little sister had three moms! We loved her tremendously. I babysat her each summer. She is still my pride and joy. I think she has grown up with so much love. And shes in high school now and studying hard so she can go to college like I did (first in my family) and I am saving money to help her get there.

I wouldnt worry about the age gap if I were you.

OP here. The empty-nest stories are intriguing-- I'm years away but think im one who is dreading kids going to college and flying away, so one bonus would definitely be to have another kid at home. And yes, love the Santa story too!

Anonymous wrote:My older kids love our "surprise." Bonus: Built-in babysitters! I have not hired a babysitter in years! We actually wanted another child, but the surprise came after we gave up on ever having another baby. It's very difficult to have a baby when you have older kids, though. We had to get all new baby stuff, set up the nursery (had been my office), find child care (took forever) start over with preschools, playdates, all that stuff that we'd finished with. DC gets carted all over, so I've never done any of the Gymboree, mommy and me stuff I did with the older kids. Tons of stimulation, though, and DC is super smart, so I think maybe it is all good. We love our larger family. Downside is that my friends are empty-nesters, and we are looking at another decade with a child at home.

This is us too. Our older kids were 11, 9 and 6 when our bonus baby came along and we have had a very similar experience. I also loved the post that described the older teen and young adult sibs and their fiances getting up early to open Christmas gifts with their much younger sib. Reminds me of our trip to DisneyWorld with our 6 y.o. Disney princess and her brothers, then 12, 15 and 17 -- the baby was the only one who wanted to go on the scary rides, while the guys loved meeting and high-fiving Tigger. The youngest of our older 3 is about to go to college and, while I'm also looking a bit longingly at our empty nest friends, I'm also glad that we still have a lot of fun to look forward to with our youngest. I think she keeps us young -- she is a pistol and very savvy from having watched her brothers' missteps over the years.

My youngest brother was born when the rest of us were in high school and late elementary school. My mom went into menopause soon after having him. To be honest, I as a young teen was very embarassed when she was visibly pregnant because that meant all my friends knew that my 40-ish parent were - gasp - still having sex

He was the best thing to happen to our family. I know it was hard for our mom. She was working full time and the pregnancy was tougher than her other ones, and she went back to work after having him. But, he brought all of us so close together and gave our family many joyful, unique experiences. Like a bunch of teenagers, adults and their fiances waking up at 5 AM to open presents from Santa, because our 5 year old brother just knew he would bring gifts to all his brothers and sisters.

Our parents were never without sitters because we all clamoured to watch him and our teen friends loved having him around too. Because he was often around older siblings, he could communicate with anyone and at a young age moved between mixed aged groups with grace and ease. He kept our parents young too. When he was little, all of their peers started to look old, like almost grandparents. Our parents grew visibly more energetic, fit and youthful in their outlook than their friends because of keeping up with an energetic boy. Their friends were all sitting on their rumps growing old but our parents couldn't let themselves do that.

Our mom passed away several year ago, and we all are there to mother and guide him. We adore our little brother, and have been closer to him over the years than anyone who hasn't had an unexpeted much younger sibling can imagine.

I am so glad my Mom had my youngest sibling at 43. There are 15 years between my youngest sib and the next youngest. I hope you go for it OP! I am very biased though since I know it worked out so well in my family.

My older kids love our "surprise." Bonus: Built-in babysitters! I have not hired a babysitter in years! We actually wanted another child, but the surprise came after we gave up on ever having another baby. It's very difficult to have a baby when you have older kids, though. We had to get all new baby stuff, set up the nursery (had been my office), find child care (took forever) start over with preschools, playdates, all that stuff that we'd finished with. DC gets carted all over, so I've never done any of the Gymboree, mommy and me stuff I did with the older kids. Tons of stimulation, though, and DC is super smart, so I think maybe it is all good. We love our larger family. Downside is that my friends are empty-nesters, and we are looking at another decade with a child at home.

I'm the oldest of three, with an age gap just like what you will have. I'm closer to my "baby" brother than the one who is 2 years younger.

I had a baby when my daughter was older and I am still feeling guilty about neglecting her.

PP how old is your DD now? Any lessons or suggestions? Were you working full-time or able to stay at home with her?
Thank you for the perspective. (this is OP)

I had DD at 45 - major surprise here - her brothers were 16, 13 and 8. It has been great - she is the most socialized kid ever - she has been dragged to games and school events from birth, knows everyone and is adored and adores her brothers. Her relationship with the older two is different than a typical sibling that is close in age but they come and take her for overnights or out to lunch with them.

It was a little overwhelming at first but I can't imagine life any differently. Good luck!

Thank you for the replies. I guess I'm also worried about just disrupting the happy life we have. We're considering not having it, so a lot to think about.

I'm 40, my youngest is 17 months. My oldest two are 23 and 19 years.

Yes, it was a shock, but both my husband and I (and my two older children) then our DS is the best thing that could have happened to us. At a time when the older ones are going off to college and grad school, my DS has pulled us all back together as a close family. Of course my two older children love DH and I, but I know the daily phone calls are because of their little brother.

I'm not the major breadwinner, but I do work. I am fortunate that I work from home and was able to adjust my schedule. He does go to part-time daycare now. Could your husband finagle his schedule to be a SAHD?

You will make it work. Yes, there will be times you'll be chasing a toddler, instead of sitting in the stands watching the game. But the benefits will outweigh the drawbacks!

Good luck!

If you're going to keep the baby, the you'll just have to deal. I had my second at 42, and there's a 4-year gap btw. my two. I actually think it worked out well b/c the first is becoming more and more independent. So I'm not fighting the same battles each day.

Work may be an issue for you b/c of the logistics. Thankfully, you have two kids in school FT. So for 10 months, you have them covered. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd hire a nanny to care for the baby and to do the before and after care for your 8 and 11 yo.

My friend has three ages 8, 6 and 4. She has that set up, and it's worked well. She, too, is the main breadwinner, and her commute is miserable. I don't know how she'll handle the nanny situation when all three are in school FT, but it's worked up to this point.

Your kids will have each other, and since they're much older, there's less of a chance of jealousy, as they'll take on a more nurturing role toward the baby. I've seen this again and again in larger families with age gaps. And as time goes on, you will always have built-in sitters!

Bump. Also curious about having a second at 41.

Did anyone have an unexpected pregnancy at 41? I have two kids who will be 8 and 11, and I really worry about having a baby at this age and time of life. Is the age gap too large? Will I be unable to appreciate and spend time with my older kids because of the burdens of a baby/toddler/preschooler? Will the youngest ever really know his/her older siblings? Also, I have a demanding job and am the main earner, so we'd have to have child care. I'm not able to stay at home, so time with my kids already feels stretched thin. I would love to hear perspective from women who may have gone through this about how they've handled it.