Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were estranged from my DH's family for 4 years. It was glorious! Now there is minimal contact, but still nothing like it was prior to the estrangement. It really tremendously improved the relationship b/n my DH and I. His family had a very negative impact on our lives for too many years.

Same here. At first, DH felt guilty but a lot of that was because they had conditioned him. Counseling helped a lot, especially when they refused to respect boundaries or to interact in a respectful manner. Now, our lives are so much more peace and it's really, really improved our own relationship.

Are you willing to share the name and location of the counselor. We went to one who said no matter how poorly people treat you they are family so that's that. We suspected based on some other things she said this was hitting a little too close to home for her and her own problems.

I agree that this is inappropriate. If you substitute physical abuse for the emotional/verbal abuse the in-laws likely caused, then it sounds super crazy. "Sorry that he rapes you Jane, but family is family and you just have to accept it."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were estranged from my DH's family for 4 years. It was glorious! Now there is minimal contact, but still nothing like it was prior to the estrangement. It really tremendously improved the relationship b/n my DH and I. His family had a very negative impact on our lives for too many years.

Same here. At first, DH felt guilty but a lot of that was because they had conditioned him. Counseling helped a lot, especially when they refused to respect boundaries or to interact in a respectful manner. Now, our lives are so much more peace and it's really, really improved our own relationship.

Are you willing to share the name and location of the counselor. We went to one who said no matter how poorly people treat you they are family so that's that. We suspected based on some other things she said this was hitting a little too close to home for her and her own problems.

Anonymous wrote:We were estranged from my DH's family for 4 years. It was glorious! Now there is minimal contact, but still nothing like it was prior to the estrangement. It really tremendously improved the relationship b/n my DH and I. His family had a very negative impact on our lives for too many years.

Same here. At first, DH felt guilty but a lot of that was because they had conditioned him. Counseling helped a lot, especially when they refused to respect boundaries or to interact in a respectful manner. Now, our lives are so much more peace and it's really, really improved our own relationship.

We were estranged from my DH's family for 4 years. It was glorious! Now there is minimal contact, but still nothing like it was prior to the estrangement. It really tremendously improved the relationship b/n my DH and I. His family had a very negative impact on our lives for too many years.

On fighting:
We used to fight whenever the in-laws showed up. Due to an offhand remark repeated to me, we got to thinking about that "coincidence" and now have a pact not to fight until they are gone. Then we generally don't need to.

Since the fights were always exacerbated by their poison(manipulation of son + dil gets insecure = fight) this really is better.

Still don't like my in-laws, or my parents, for that matter.

My inlaws have estrangement city. They have been estranged from eachother at various points. There are lots of divorces that end in total estrangement and even friendships that ended this way. I have yet to be in a room with any of them without hearing them complain and gossip about someone and I have been married into this family for a decade. This helps me have some peace with the whole thing because I realize we are not the only ones who find them toxic and we are not the only targets of their wrath. They are my only estrangement. I am still friends with people I have known since preschool and elementary school and I am very close with my family.

Also, has your health improved since you gave up on the relationship with in-laws? Mine has and my husband's has too. Plus, we don't fight anymore. 99% of fights were about them. Our kids are much happier when we don't fight so it's like a calmness has taken over the household. The only thing that makes me so sad is knowing how conflicted my husband is, but he has tried therapy and he has tried setting boundaries with them and he just gets more nastiness from them. Plus, even he has said, he is happier separating from them, but he still gets twinges of guilt.