Anonymous
03/14/2012 10:39
Subject: Re:Destination Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all the drama and anger over destination weddings. It seems pretty simple to me:
1. If you care for the couple getting married, have the resources to make the trip, and want to spend those resources on a trip to their destination, you go and have a great time.
2. If you care for the couple getting married, but don't have the money/time to make the trip or don't have childcare for your snowflakes, then you tactfully communicate this to the couple, wish them well, and perhaps make plans to take them to dinner in your home town when they return to celebrate their special occasion. Prior to the wedding, you send a heartfelt card expressing your joy about their wedding and your sincere regrets over not being able to join them in Tahiti.
3. If you don't love the couple, but want togo on vacation and have the money, then you go and pretend to love the couple, all while enjoying a great destination.
4. If you don't love the couple and don't have the money or desire to attend, send your regrets, send a card of congratulations, and be don't feel a bit bad about it.
Not so tricky. In all scenarios, a gift is optional. In cases 1 and 2. I would hope you would want to send a token of congratulations, but of course within your budget constraints. If the people getting married are friends or family, why not just be happy for them and honored to be included?
You broke it down pretty well. The only snags I see are that some couples believe that there is no such thing as budget or time constraints with regards to their wedding (#2 & 4) and also don't offer good options for families.
Anonymous
03/14/2012 10:32
Subject: Re:Destination Wedding Etiquette
I'm glad I'm too old (49) to have experienced the destination wedding trend with my friends. We have kids and our HHI is merely top 5% globally ($85k after tax) so we would not go.
I would not expect the couple to pay for us to go unless it was a tiny tiny wedding where our presence would be needed.
I would not expect the couple to pay for us to go unless it was a tiny tiny wedding where our presence would be needed.
Anonymous
03/14/2012 10:21
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
I know one person who had a destination wedding (the only one I've actually attended, though I've been invited to others) who handled it really graciously. She asked that people not bring gifts, since she knew they would already be spending so much just to be there. She welcomed people's children, dates, other guests. She was totally understanding when people could not/did not come.
The other destination weddings that I have been invited to, the bride was less reasonable. One in particular could not understand why friends and family did not want to travel to her wedding when she planned it for 2 weeks before her brother's wedding on the other side of the country (long after her brother's wedding date had been set). Her wedding was not in a location where it would be possible to drive, nor was it in a location where there were many inexpensive options for lodging. She just though everyone would "love to turn it into a vacation!"
The other destination weddings that I have been invited to, the bride was less reasonable. One in particular could not understand why friends and family did not want to travel to her wedding when she planned it for 2 weeks before her brother's wedding on the other side of the country (long after her brother's wedding date had been set). Her wedding was not in a location where it would be possible to drive, nor was it in a location where there were many inexpensive options for lodging. She just though everyone would "love to turn it into a vacation!"
Anonymous
03/14/2012 10:19
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:Destination bachelorette parties seem really selfish to me. I can't understand why anyone would expect guests and bridesmaids to pay for that.
I was kicked out of a bridal party because I didn't drop the cash to go to destination parties (not the wedding, but also destination). Guess she wasn't a real friend anyway!
Anonymous
03/14/2012 10:17
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:I am invited to a destination wedding in July in fort lauderdale Fl -- I am not able to go as we have another wedding the same weekend. (4th of july) Neither the bride nor groom have family there. Just wanted sometype of destination.
The bride (who lives here) Also wants a destination Bachelorette party since the groom is going to Vegas and decided to have it in fort lauderdale as well. 2 weeks before the wedding.
The same group of people are invited to both (all from DC/NYC) but most cannot make both trips. The Bride told us if we couldn't come to the wedding don't come to the bachelorette.... but then when she realized that many people fell into that catagory and said oh nevermind... come to that too. (she wants a big party)
I think its crazy she expects us all to drop lots of money, twice in less than 3 weeks! Sorry for the vent.
We're in the exact same situation! Except the bride and groom picked expensive, different international locations for all activities. They balked at the idea that we wouldn't be all to attend ALL events.
Seriously, If I drop $4000 on all these activities am I still expected to buy a gift?!
Anonymous
03/14/2012 10:05
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
Destination bachelorette parties seem really selfish to me. I can't understand why anyone would expect guests and bridesmaids to pay for that.
Anonymous
03/14/2012 09:22
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but does a wedding in New Orleans for no particular reason, when the couple and their entire family live in the DC area, count as a destination wedding?
Of course. A destination wedding is any wedding where ALL of the guests have to travel to attend. A PP trying to say that a destination wedding is the same as a wedding in the bride or groom's hometown (like Tulsa), where half of the guests probably live, is crazy. That's not the same thing at all.
Anonymous
03/14/2012 09:03
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
I am invited to a destination wedding in July in fort lauderdale Fl -- I am not able to go as we have another wedding the same weekend. (4th of july) Neither the bride nor groom have family there. Just wanted sometype of destination.
The bride (who lives here) Also wants a destination Bachelorette party since the groom is going to Vegas and decided to have it in fort lauderdale as well. 2 weeks before the wedding.
The same group of people are invited to both (all from DC/NYC) but most cannot make both trips. The Bride told us if we couldn't come to the wedding don't come to the bachelorette.... but then when she realized that many people fell into that catagory and said oh nevermind... come to that too. (she wants a big party)
I think its crazy she expects us all to drop lots of money, twice in less than 3 weeks! Sorry for the vent.
The bride (who lives here) Also wants a destination Bachelorette party since the groom is going to Vegas and decided to have it in fort lauderdale as well. 2 weeks before the wedding.
The same group of people are invited to both (all from DC/NYC) but most cannot make both trips. The Bride told us if we couldn't come to the wedding don't come to the bachelorette.... but then when she realized that many people fell into that catagory and said oh nevermind... come to that too. (she wants a big party)
I think its crazy she expects us all to drop lots of money, twice in less than 3 weeks! Sorry for the vent.
Anonymous
03/14/2012 08:53
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
Not the OP, but does a wedding in New Orleans for no particular reason, when the couple and their entire family live in the DC area, count as a destination wedding?
Anonymous
03/14/2012 07:48
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
7:33 Nice summary but each option assumes the bride is reasonable! That's the rub!
Anonymous
03/14/2012 07:33
Subject: Re:Destination Wedding Etiquette
I don't understand all the drama and anger over destination weddings. It seems pretty simple to me:
1. If you care for the couple getting married, have the resources to make the trip, and want to spend those resources on a trip to their destination, you go and have a great time.
2. If you care for the couple getting married, but don't have the money/time to make the trip or don't have childcare for your snowflakes, then you tactfully communicate this to the couple, wish them well, and perhaps make plans to take them to dinner in your home town when they return to celebrate their special occasion. Prior to the wedding, you send a heartfelt card expressing your joy about their wedding and your sincere regrets over not being able to join them in Tahiti.
3. If you don't love the couple, but want togo on vacation and have the money, then you go and pretend to love the couple, all while enjoying a great destination.
4. If you don't love the couple and don't have the money or desire to attend, send your regrets, send a card of congratulations, and be don't feel a bit bad about it.
Not so tricky. In all scenarios, a gift is optional. In cases 1 and 2. I would hope you would want to send a token of congratulations, but of course within your budget constraints. If the people getting married are friends or family, why not just be happy for them and honored to be included?
1. If you care for the couple getting married, have the resources to make the trip, and want to spend those resources on a trip to their destination, you go and have a great time.
2. If you care for the couple getting married, but don't have the money/time to make the trip or don't have childcare for your snowflakes, then you tactfully communicate this to the couple, wish them well, and perhaps make plans to take them to dinner in your home town when they return to celebrate their special occasion. Prior to the wedding, you send a heartfelt card expressing your joy about their wedding and your sincere regrets over not being able to join them in Tahiti.
3. If you don't love the couple, but want togo on vacation and have the money, then you go and pretend to love the couple, all while enjoying a great destination.
4. If you don't love the couple and don't have the money or desire to attend, send your regrets, send a card of congratulations, and be don't feel a bit bad about it.
Not so tricky. In all scenarios, a gift is optional. In cases 1 and 2. I would hope you would want to send a token of congratulations, but of course within your budget constraints. If the people getting married are friends or family, why not just be happy for them and honored to be included?
Anonymous
03/14/2012 07:12
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
You pay for your own travel.
You don't bring a gift to a wedding, destination or not. If attending the wedding wipes you out financially, you don't have to give a gift at all. Gifts are always optional.
Bonus info: The bride and groom set the rules for who is invited to the wedding and reception. However, you are not at their beck and call all weekend, so even if there are other events planned and the wedding itself is child-free, you can bring your kids to the destination and spend the rest of the time hanging out with your family. (Unless you're in the wedding party. Then you've gotta go to the rehearsal dinner, too.)
You don't bring a gift to a wedding, destination or not. If attending the wedding wipes you out financially, you don't have to give a gift at all. Gifts are always optional.
Bonus info: The bride and groom set the rules for who is invited to the wedding and reception. However, you are not at their beck and call all weekend, so even if there are other events planned and the wedding itself is child-free, you can bring your kids to the destination and spend the rest of the time hanging out with your family. (Unless you're in the wedding party. Then you've gotta go to the rehearsal dinner, too.)
Anonymous
03/14/2012 06:36
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
The proper etiquette is to not be douches about it - to know that there will be people who cannot afford to either pay to get there or to take time off of work. Also, people might not want to use up their vacation time going somewhere they don't particularly care to visit.
Destination weddings are different than going to Tulsa cause that's where the bride is from. That means, presumably, that the wedding is being held in a place that will make extensive travel unnecessary for some people. Still, the couple should be gracious about those who cannot travel to any destination for whatever reason.
It's when people start acting like dicks about their "special day" that others get annoyed. Dropping a friendship because someone couldn't attend a wedding is flat-out ridiculous, but I suppose in those cases, the dropped friend is better off knowing what a jerk their supposed "friend" really is.
Destination weddings are different than going to Tulsa cause that's where the bride is from. That means, presumably, that the wedding is being held in a place that will make extensive travel unnecessary for some people. Still, the couple should be gracious about those who cannot travel to any destination for whatever reason.
It's when people start acting like dicks about their "special day" that others get annoyed. Dropping a friendship because someone couldn't attend a wedding is flat-out ridiculous, but I suppose in those cases, the dropped friend is better off knowing what a jerk their supposed "friend" really is.
Anonymous
03/14/2012 05:58
Subject: Re:Destination Wedding Etiquette
Why would the bride and groom pay for your travel? You don't expect the bride and groom to pay when you go to a wedding in Tulsa because that is where the bride is from. Flights to a "destination wedding" location are no different than flights to random, boring towns in another part of the country, and often less expensive.
Of course you bring/send a gift. Again, use the Tulsa example. Location doesn't change the etiquette on gifts. However, a simple, inexpensive gift is always fine if you are on a budget.
Of course you bring/send a gift. Again, use the Tulsa example. Location doesn't change the etiquette on gifts. However, a simple, inexpensive gift is always fine if you are on a budget.
Anonymous
03/13/2012 23:57
Subject: Destination Wedding Etiquette
Someone enlighten me, what IS the proper etiquette for a destination wedding?
Should the bride and groom pay for everyone they want to be there (i.e. immediate family, bridal and groom parties)?
Do guests bring or give gifts? Or is traveling to the even gift enough?
Should the bride and groom pay for everyone they want to be there (i.e. immediate family, bridal and groom parties)?
Do guests bring or give gifts? Or is traveling to the even gift enough?