I think you need to stop projecting your own insecurities onto your son. You are making him so timid that he didn't even dare to ask the lunch lady why he couldn't buy the damn bagel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is in MS and I never had to give permission for him to buy a la carte. I think you can restrict it but it is assumed that they can unless you say otherwise.

Middle school food rules are different. I have kids in both ES and MS right now and for the ES one, I have to give special permission for extras. For the MS one, he can buy anything so long as he has money on his account.

My elementary school kids could get whatever they wanted until I put restrictions on their account. I was told that kindergartners can't get ice cream, etc. but once they're in first grade, you have to put restrictions on it.

OP, it seems to me that there's no way to know what assumptions the cafeteria ladies are going on unless you ask them, especially since your son seems to be one who doesn't like drawing attention to himself or correcting adults, even when they're wrong (and good for him for being polite!). If I were in your position, I'd take the time to call or show up and ask how you can allow him to buy more food. I don't know what percent of Westland's population is AA, but I know that they have a solid percentage of Latino kids-do they get this kind of response at the cafeteria?

Anonymous wrote:My child is in MS and I never had to give permission for him to buy a la carte. I think you can restrict it but it is assumed that they can unless you say otherwise.

Middle school food rules are different. I have kids in both ES and MS right now and for the ES one, I have to give special permission for extras. For the MS one, he can buy anything so long as he has money on his account.

My child is in MS and I never had to give permission for him to buy a la carte. I think you can restrict it but it is assumed that they can unless you say otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:I sent in $100 last week and he has no restrictions on his account.

It's more than not having restrictions. You have to give permission to buy those things. I don't think people are assuming he is FARMS. You should just call and find out how you make arrangements for your son to get more food. An alternative is to send additional food with him.

Why should he have to? Do white students do this. If this is happening because they ate assuming he is a FARM student this is shameful. It makes you wonder what else is happening.

Anonymous wrote:I realize the assumption may be offensive in and of itself, but could your son say "Excuse me, but I'm not on FARMS, this is a a la carte meal and I'm paying with my own money."

+1

I realize the assumption may be offensive in and of itself, but could your son say "Excuse me, but I'm not on FARMS, this is a a la carte meal and I'm paying with my own money."

OP, that would really concern me too. My kid is headed to Westland next year but we aren't in the cluster at the moment and I don't know much about the background of the kids there -- are there not many African American kids?

The thing with lunches is that if you are eligible for FARMS meals, you can't buy those a la carte items, but if you are not buying through FARMS you can buy the meal or you can buy a la carte items. I know this because I discovered, to my horror, that my older child was buying cookies and a yogurt parfait for his lunch every day.

You can also restrict a la carte items so it may be that your child's account says "no a la carte" so they think he's only allowed to buy the meal.

I sent in $100 last week and he has no restrictions on his account.

Not a Westland parent, but I would call or stop by the school to discuss. There may be some "norm" he is unaware of that an authorization from you (or some other simple thing) can fix.

On a related note - on the rare occasion that my kids buy MCPS lunch, they are always left hungry. Always. I don't think there is enough food in a lunch for a teenage boy with a huge appetite (as mine has). Can you pack some "supplemental" things for him to have with his school lunch?

Do you have money in a la carte?

At our school those things cost extra and the parent has to give authority for the child to buy extra things. Did you call the school or walk down to the cafeteria to ask? Seems like an easy fix.

We are a solidly middle class African American family. My son attends Westland, and I'm really happy with everything except this one little quirk.

My son likes to eat school lunch. I make sure he always has plenty of money in his account. He is not on FARMS. However, frequently he'll come home hungry and say he didn't get enough to eat. He's in the middle of his growth spurt after all. If I ask "why didn't you buy more food?" and he'll say that the lunch ladies tell him things like "that's not included in your meal" or "you can't buy that" if he tries to add something to his lunch. Today he said that there was a bagel meal he wanted, but when he got to the register they told him it didn't "count" as a meal and he needed to put it back. He's a pretty shy compliant kid, so he went back, put the bagel away, selected something else and was told he wasn't allowed to go through the line twice. That got worked out because the lunch lady who had served him the first time recognized what was going on, and told the other lunch lady to let him buy.

This doesn't really make sense to me. If there's a bagel meal, then obviously they are intending for some child to buy it right? Similarly, if there are things like chips or granola bars, then surely they expect children to buy those too? So, why can't my kid buy them?

Today it occurred to me that perhaps the lunch ladies are making an assumption that he is on FARMS, or that our income is limited, and are trying to guide him to the less expensive choices. It made me wonder if other kids had the same experience.