try more hugs...it did wonders for our 3 year old!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but this is not "normal" and it doesn't happen with all or even majority of children (especially if past generations are taken into account). It might be common in a certain type of family but it's reprehensible behavior that should not be allowed (if only because parents dislike it) and would not have happened had there been some discipline in the past.

When we say it's normal that doesn't mean we think it's acceptable or that we don't discipline for it. It means we are trying to put it into a developmental context. It means that children her age typically do it.

And when you say you don't "allow" this behavior, that makes no sense. What do you do? Have the child arrested? Simply pretend it doesn't exist?

Not the PP, but I agree that this type of "normal" only occurs in families that didn't get into the habit of discipline until their kids were way, way over the line. This wouldn't be allowed in my home, and by that I mean that I would be stepping in long before it got the this point. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and that is so applicable to preschoolers. To address one of OP's examples, if I was having a playdate during the run-up dinner time (so my kid is tired and hungry and is struggling to navigate the social dynamic of having a friend over), I would be prepared for this to go south, so I would plan ahead with a snack at the beginning of the playdate, have an activity ready that I could supervise while prepping dinner, and have a talk with my kid in advance about what I expect from them during a playdate. So I when I say that I "wouldn't allow" a 10-minute meltdown, I mean that I would have done all I could to put my kid in a place where they are set up to succeed, I would be close by monitoring the situation, and I would step in as soon as she got whiny, rather than waiting for the meltdown to happen and fighting the uphill battle that is a meltdown.

OP - my DD can be a brat too & she does many of the things you describe. I am trying to up the consequences and have been "counting," which seems to help a bit. We also have "talks" before we enter a situation that is tantrum-prone (for example, leaving the playground). I try to engage her in a conversation about how I would like her to behave (like a big girl, like a good girl) when I say we need to leave. It's been working fairly well. I also reward her with little treats when she makes a big improvement in her behavior. Just know you're not alone & good luck!

Anonymous wrote:You may discipline but the discipline isn't sufficient for her to change her behavior. I would be firmer, more consistent and let her now that her behavior is inappropriate. Up the consequences. I wouldn't take her to her room as that is giving her 1:1 attention for having a tantrum. I would tell her to take herself there pronto.

Some it is developmental but given she can control herself when she wants it is likely that she is getting some reward from acting this way with you.

You seem to specialize in the study of the obvious.

This is fairly typical, but like you said its not acceptable. For DS1 2.5-3.5 was rough. He's now a happy well mannered even keeled 4.5 year old. DS2 has been more even tempered all along so far (he's almost 3).

It helps to create consistent boundaries and to be consistent with discipline. And explain, explain, explain. Her behavior won't change if she doesn't truly understand why it is unacceptable.

You may discipline but the discipline isn't sufficient for her to change her behavior. I would be firmer, more consistent and let her now that her behavior is inappropriate. Up the consequences. I wouldn't take her to her room as that is giving her 1:1 attention for having a tantrum. I would tell her to take herself there pronto.

Some it is developmental but given she can control herself when she wants it is likely that she is getting some reward from acting this way with you.

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but this is not "normal" and it doesn't happen with all or even majority of children (especially if past generations are taken into account). It might be common in a certain type of family but it's reprehensible behavior that should not be allowed (if only because parents dislike it) and would not have happened had there been some discipline in the past.

When we say it's normal that doesn't mean we think it's acceptable or that we don't discipline for it. It means we are trying to put it into a developmental context. It means that children her age typically do it.

And when you say you don't "allow" this behavior, that makes no sense. What do you do? Have the child arrested? Simply pretend it doesn't exist?

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but this is not "normal" and it doesn't happen with all or even majority of children (especially if past generations are taken into account). It might be common in a certain type of family but it's reprehensible behavior that should not be allowed (if only because parents dislike it) and would not have happened had there been some discipline in the past.

OMG I never thought to discipline her! Thank you soooooooo much for your enlightening comment!

-OP

I am sorry, but this is not "normal" and it doesn't happen with all or even majority of children (especially if past generations are taken into account). It might be common in a certain type of family but it's reprehensible behavior that should not be allowed (if only because parents dislike it) and would not have happened had there been some discipline in the past.

OP,

She's fine. My son is the same. He will be 4 in May, and I keep hoping that suddenly something will kick in.

They test. So you give boundaries. If they test too much, adjust the boundary! We took toys away from him after he threw a few during a fit and dumped 2 bins on the floor. He's not happy, but he's learning.

And don't be embarrassed! I had to take my son - in a football hold - to the car after I picked up my daughter from school. He was kicking and screaming - tired as hell from an active day at preschool. Such is life.

Is your daughter in preschool? If so, you may wish to add in an extra day if she's on a 3-day schedule.

Anonymous wrote:Throwing example: I got her a bike helmet today and it wasn't what she wanted so she threw it across the car.

Tantrum example: She wanted a snack yesterday but I told her no because I was fixing dinner. She had a 10 minute screaming tantrum over it while having a playdate (I took her to her room).

I get so embarrassed when she is like this.

-OP

I would let her know that I was returning helmet to store and put bike in the attic. Three is a bit young to ride a bike but whatever it is give that she needed the helmet for would be put away for awhile.

As for the snack, I might give in on that as hunger can make kids throw some god-awful tantrums.

totally normal and age appropriate. think about reframing how you look at her behavior. who has the power in the relationship and how can you be more positive toward her.

All of this is normal, age appropriate standard-issue three year old stuff. You didn't cause it by being short tempered.

Work with her on her whining and her manners. Ignore her when she says she doesn't love you/wants a new mommy/hates you, etc., or just tell her you're sorry to hear that and hope she feels differently soon.

Positive Parenting is a good book.

Throwing example: I got her a bike helmet today and it wasn't what she wanted so she threw it across the car.

Tantrum example: She wanted a snack yesterday but I told her no because I was fixing dinner. She had a 10 minute screaming tantrum over it while having a playdate (I took her to her room).

I get so embarrassed when she is like this.

-OP

My DD is almost 4 and she is such a brat (mainly for me). She whines, throws things she doesn't want, has screaming crying fits over random crap like the shape of the bread is wrong.. I never give in when she whines and will separate her from whatever until she calms down when she has tantrums. I will let her have what she has been whining for (within reason) if she restates it in a normal voice and uses manners. She does have a brother who is almost 1. She adores him but has always been too rough with him. At my most sleep deprived, I was extremely impatient and frustrated with her and I feel like a lot of this stems from that. I also got into a bad pattern of yelling which I have since stopped. She also tells me she doesn't love me, wants a new mommy, etc. Is this age appropriate behavior? How do I fix this? It is getting to the point where I am less than thrilled about being around her because of her behavior. Sometimes she is the sweetest, funniest kid ever but other times ARGH!