Based on the types of gifts you describe, your son can't be that old, probably not 7 or 8, the age when most kids develop empathy. So while it may have technically been rude for him to refuse the gift, I certainly think it is understandable, something that could be used as a teachable moment. But your inlaws are the adults here, and they crossed the line both refusing your wishes about gifts and making a big deal about it with your son. It sounds like they equate gifts with love, so perhaps that is what you deal with them on.

I feel bad for Grandma and Grandpa Gumdrop. They can come give gifts to my kids any time they want. We will find room for the Giant Truck in a heartbeat.

OP here - I want to add that after my DS told me why he refused, I explained that he STILL needed to write a thank you note. That thank you notes are not to thank the gift-giver for what you got, but rather thanking the gift-giver for thinking of him and getting him something - that part doesn't go away just because he refused it.

You all are right - it was rude. but honestly, I really couldn't bring myself to correct him right there and accept the gift. I know - really wrong of me - but seriously, this thing was HUGE. I think we all looked at it like "WTH???"

What I might do is have DS apologize to gparents for refusing while thanking them for thinking of him.

Well he's a kid and I'm not sure how old he is but he should be forgiven for a lapse in manners. It may partly stem from getting so many gifts that they do seem essentially meaningless to him. I would keep asking the gparents to limit it to birthdays and X-Mas or Hanukkah.

Sounds like he is feeding off your rudeness. How wonderful that you have involved and generous inlaws. I would teach him to say thank you always and if no more room..donate gifts to charity.

Anonymous wrote:I second giving the unwanted items to charity; I'M sure they would be very appreciated. I do understand your frustration. I guess your ds should have accepted the gift, but I don't blame him for declining it.

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Anonymous wrote:My in-laws don't give our DS presents but they have fully funded his 529 so we don't have to worry about college/grad school; Much better than getting "stuff" that he'll play with for minute and creating clutter. Tell them he already has every toy but if they want to keep giving presents, you'll appreciate them contributing to his college find.

Now that's nervy.

Two things: first, gift-giving should be met with a thank-you. Second, your child shouldn't be put into this position. You need to lay down the law with your parents and let them know in no uncertain terms that gifts have to be okayed by you from now on. You might also remind them that visiting their grandchild is not mandatory.

Boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws don't give our DS presents but they have fully funded his 529 so we don't have to worry about college/grad school; Much better than getting "stuff" that he'll play with for minute and creating clutter. Tell them he already has every toy but if they want to keep giving presents, you'll appreciate them contributing to his college find.

This is ridiculous. He already refused a gift, now you want him to demand money?

I second giving the unwanted items to charity; I'M sure they would be very appreciated. I do understand your frustration. I guess your ds should have accepted the gift, but I don't blame him for declining it.

My in-laws don't give our DS presents but they have fully funded his 529 so we don't have to worry about college/grad school; Much better than getting "stuff" that he'll play with for minute and creating clutter. Tell them he already has every toy but if they want to keep giving presents, you'll appreciate them contributing to his college find.

While your son is very mature and his attitude is in some ways commendable, I think he had a lapse of manners here. I think as PP pointed out, you don't nay-say a gift. You accept graciously, and your son has to be taught that. His quandary about space and what to do with so many wonderful toys is not the giftgiver's problem. It's really your problem to deal with his grandparents (as you have) and as PP pointed out, the gift can go to charity as an additional lesson to him. So on the one hand yes, great that he knows his limits, but this really is not a situation when he gets to exercise them. You don't get to be rude to a giftgiver. And saying "I didn't want to write another thank you note"? Uh-uh.

Is it rude? yes

It's horribly rude for anyone to say no to a gift. I understand where you are coming from, but this isn't the place or the way to fight the fight.

Teach him to say thank you, to write his thank you notes, and how to assemble the many toys he does not want or need and give them to a good charity.

my inlaws barage my son with gifts. We have repeatedly asked them to stop. Our house is small and we have no more room for trucks, cars, bikes, scooters, big fisher-price toys (like the batman "house"). We have asked them to stop, but they don't. We've never said anything to them in front of my son.

Our son is responsible for his own toys. He must make a place for them, store them, and take care of them. And, he has to write a thank you note each time he gets a gift.

Recently, my inlaws came over for dinner (again, no special occassion - just a Sunday dinner) and brought a big truck. I mean, it's about 3 feet long!

To my SHOCK, my son said "No thank you." That's it. He wasn't excited, he wasn't mean about it, but just said "No, thank you." They kept trying to give it to him and kept pushing, but he stood his ground. Honestly, I was actually happy about it so I didn't intervene even though I think it's rude to refuse a gift. But, a part of me thinks this rule is that you're not supposed to refuse a gift because you think it's cheap or not good enough or something like that. A part of me thinks this is different. It's not insulting the gift-giver by saying you're gift isn't good enough, it's saying "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!"

I later asked my son why he didn't wnat the truck and he said he has too many, doesn't know where to keep it and didn't want to write another thank you note. I'm sure it was mostly not to write the thank you note, but my DS was also thinking "where in the world will I put this thing?"

Needless to say my in-laws were very offended and kept talking about it all through dinner. They told DS that they were "sad" that he didn't want their gift and now don't know what to get him from now on (implying that he'll no longer get gifts from them). They even told DS to "just play with it while we eat, and you might really like it." which of course pissed me off because DS has to sit with us through dinner - he's not allowed to get up and play while we're eating. but that's not the point.

would you intervene and tell DS it's rude and suck it up and keep the gift that none of you want in your house or would you defend your DS and tell in-laws that they are too excessive and need to stop.