Many hugs to you OP. It sucks. My husband is a good guy, but with inlaws he makes me the bad guy because he can't deal which is annoying. My MIL is borderline so I feel your pain though I don't have to deal with it daily. Are you trying to cope with this for the sake of kids?

I couldn't live with that. I'm so sorry. Please do something to change the situation for your sake, and if you have children--for theirs.

Anonymous wrote:Life is too short, OP.

Some changes have to be made either way. You deserve better.

Agreed. Move on OP.

You have two choices: (1) learn to accept and live with his abuse, (2) leave,

Life is too short, OP.

Some changes have to be made either way. You deserve better.

My DH is like that. Passive aggressive and depressed (NOT a good combination) like his GD mother and half his siblings. I would like to strangle them. I feel for you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand....

Me either. The cause and effect relationship implied below is unclear.

He just had to come up behind me and say things that twist a knife in my gut so he could go meet friends and be charming.

These people tend to be narcissistic and yes, charming. So what's said behind closed doors isn't necessarily shared with the world, as they tend to have two very distinct personalities. My ex was charming and very outgoing. Furthermore, he was so well connected that he continued to climb in the legal field. Little did people know what an asshole he was (and still is, I'm convinced).

They are good at putting you down, making fun of you, tearing away at any self-esteem you may have. It's odd. Thankfully, I could walk away b/c it definitely was nothing I'd ever experienced in the past with family or other personal relationships. But I did have a friend who would NOT leave her boyfriend at the time. So she suffered for years under his abuse.

So what they show the world is not how they treat you. And when they're angry, it's very frightening.

It will never get better.

I dated a guy for several months who was diagnosed with BPD. Basically, it's just abuse as far as I'm concerned. So name it what you will, but abuse is abuse.

I finally cut him loose, which wasn't very easy for him b/c he had stalker tendencies.

It was, however, the best thing I could have done for myself.

Get rid of him.

Anonymous wrote:DH is being an asshole. That is all.

No... that's not all. He just had to come up behind me and say things that twist a knife in my gut so he could go meet friends and be charming. It's a ritual he has before most social engagements-- sort of a blame and anxiety (and "bad person-ness") dump. So now my composure is shattered, the projects I planned to tackle this morning are the last thing on my mind, and everyone continues treat him like he's such a great guy. Very isolating for me.

Hopefully, the activity will pull his head out of his ass, because it's going to be a long day otherwise. A bigger outburst would also keep me rattled going into the workweek, and I just can't afford that.

Run now.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand....

Me either. The cause and effect relationship implied below is unclear.

He just had to come up behind me and say things that twist a knife in my gut so he could go meet friends and be charming.

I don't understand....

Anonymous wrote:Same questions as the previous poster, plus - Is he on meds for it? If not, they might help him.

Oh stop with your mental illnesses you Americans. He is abusive.

Same questions as the previous poster, plus - Is he on meds for it? If not, they might help him.

Why are you still together? Do you have kids?

DH is being an asshole. That is all.

No... that's not all. He just had to come up behind me and say things that twist a knife in my gut so he could go meet friends and be charming. It's a ritual he has before most social engagements-- sort of a blame and anxiety (and "bad person-ness") dump. So now my composure is shattered, the projects I planned to tackle this morning are the last thing on my mind, and everyone continues treat him like he's such a great guy. Very isolating for me.

Hopefully, the activity will pull his head out of his ass, because it's going to be a long day otherwise. A bigger outburst would also keep me rattled going into the workweek, and I just can't afford that.