Anonymous wrote:PP -- Do therapists (for adults?) really help? They can help to some extent, in my experience, but they dont really cure the low-grade depression that comes with parenting a sn kid. I guess only meds can get rid of that.

Actually, I think therapist can really help. MY good friend with a SN child found it was invaluable to have a place to process her frustration, fears, etc. so that she could "get it out" and not take that home to her family as much. And I think just talking about it with someone who doesn't judge and who listens can be a HUGE relief!

PP -- Do therapists (for adults?) really help? They can help to some extent, in my experience, but they dont really cure the low-grade depression that comes with parenting a sn kid. I guess only meds can get rid of that.

Anonymous wrote: <<All 3 of my children have their own set of issues>>

Previous poster -- not to hijack this thread -- but how do you cope? Both my kids have issues -- one much more significant than the other -- but both have school intervention of some kind. I find this very difficult to deal with -- if one kid needs it, its just a fluke, but both must indicate bad parents, right?

And the line that all kids have issues isnt helpful, because I have plenty of friends whose kids dont have issues.

Do you mean bad parenting? No, doesn't indicate that at all. Could be genes, enviro toxins, bad luck, who knows. If you feel that you are somehow responsible I'd talk to a therapist, that feeling will get in the way of your kids feeling loved. If you would like your parenting to be as effective as possible and you feel it isn't, then call PEP, CHAAD or another organization that can help with that. Hugs.

Yeah, I've got two with issues as well. And sometimes I can be consumed with envy of other families who don't deal with any of this. the solution is to get the right interventions for yourself and your kids. Keep looking for the right professionals. I've now reached the point that I can marvel at how far my children have come, and pat myself on the back for getting them there. There will be milestones that will mean so much more to you than they would for other parents simply because of how hard your kids work to get there.

<<All 3 of my children have their own set of issues>>

Previous poster -- not to hijack this thread -- but how do you cope? Both my kids have issues -- one much more significant than the other -- but both have school intervention of some kind. I find this very difficult to deal with -- if one kid needs it, its just a fluke, but both must indicate bad parents, right?

And the line that all kids have issues isnt helpful, because I have plenty of friends whose kids dont have issues.

I know how you feel. There have been times when I wish I had never had children at all. All 3 of my children have their own set of issues, the youngest one being moderately autistic.

As your DC matures, you will come to appreciate what he brings to your life. Please don't give up on him. He loves you, but you are probably the only person who can love him like he should be loved. And without that, he hasn't a chance in this world.

Dear OP, Im very sorry about how you feel. Please find strength and please understand that while you might feel awful, your child might be suffering even more, so please be strong for him. parenting an SN child is a challenge, but there are days when the sun is back at your door. Don't loose hope.

I have an SN myself, he has ASD, and in my case, my husband doesn't support me in this basically at all. I am not aloud to mention words such as autism and special needs at home or anywhere around him. I just call it "developmental challenges", not to piss him off. So I guess it's obvious that I deal with all the therapy (although he does take our child to some of his appointments, about 30% of the time), bills, paperwork, etc. One would say, just leave your husband and move on for yourself and your child, but I need to stay in this quasi situation, because my child loves his father a lot. I have a full-time job, which I completely hate, most of my frinds turned their backs on me since they found out about my son, and we don't have that many play-dates of course. Some people in my family say it's my fault that my son is ASD, and so does sometimes my husband. Sometimes I just want to die, disappear, vanish, feel so pity for myself, but I know I should be there for my child, so I stay as strong as I can. Oh, and on top of that, Im always short of money, I don't have a house and will probably not get one for a long time.

This was just to show you that you aren't in the worst situation. Hang in there

OP my child has sensory issues and ADHD too. I used to think I loved him but didn't like him very much. That's a very normal reaction to raising a challenging child.

But your child will from time to time show you why you should love him. He needs time to show this to you. He will need lots of therapy, lots of nurturing, lots of play dates, lots of social skills groups, and compassion.

It takes a truckload of patience to raise our children. This level of patience is often not something we're born with; it's learned over much time.

If your child needs medication, see a psychiatrist and discuss meds. If you need time for yourself, find that time somehow. Seek counseling for yourself. I did all these things and it helped.

Parents of special needs children usually ignore themselves because their children take so much time. But you need to carve time out for ourselves. It helps to rejuvenate yourself so that you can have patience for him after you return.

Anyone can have a special needs child. But everyone has to somehow find the courage and patience to raise them if they do have them.

I get it, OP. I had a shitty, rotten day yesterday and today. I think I used the exact term, "I'm done" at least ten times. I cried, I yelled, I cried and then I yelled some more, and I realized that, yeah, I'm burnt out and now it's time for me to take care of me. I'm going back to work so that I can carve something out of this life that is not just an endless cycle of therapy and behavior classes that never feel like they're really working. We need money and I need perspective. I finally admitted that, yes, I've done a pretty good job over the past three years, but, right now, I'm not the best person to take care of DC. I've got so very little left to give - zero creative ideas and no energy whatsoever. Classic signs of burn out. I'm going to work for at least two years (enough to make some much needed money and get a routine and experience going) and then reevaluate. Do you work, volunteer, exercise? Do you have a life outside your DC? I KNOW how hard it can be, but I encourage you to try. You may also need drug/talk therapy. Good luck. You are not alone. And yes, there are many people who are worse off, but that doesn't diminish the pain you feel. You'll be in my thoughts.....

Please tell more about your child's issues. We were told that our child had sensory issues and then was diagnosed the ADHD. DC is on medication and is doing much better. I am mentioning because we were really just burnt from DC's behavior. It effected all of us is a negative way. Not sure what i would have done if we hadn't seen some results. Other than go crazy. Also, in our case. we were told sensory disorder, but IMHO it really was ADHD all along. OT didnt do much. Would love to help you in some way. I was in your shoes. Please don't give up yet.

You are depressed and you're not the first parent to post something like this here. You won't get flamed -- we all know the challenges of raising these kids -- but we can only be supportive if you get help. First, you need to get help for yourself. Second, you need to get a proper diagnosis for your DC. SPD is not a diagnosis and without any details its pretty clear that your child isn't getting the treatment he needs. So get him a good developmental pediatrician and get you a good psychiatrist.

And don't come back with a million excuses. There is no excuse. There are things in life we should do but this is something you have to do. Its your sanity and your child's future.

Consider anti-depressants too. You sound depressed or burnt out. Take time for yourself if at all possible to re-energize.

Don't give up on your kid. Also, take time to consider that there are parents out there that are dealing with non-verbal children who sometimes get violent and will need help wiping their bottoms for the rest of their lives. I don't know how they do it, but if they can so can you.

Parenting a special needs child can be VERY difficult, and a big roller coster of ups and downs. Depression is a problem for many of us. Find your self a good psychiatrist.

That's pretty harsh. Maybe you'd like to say more. On the one hand, I'd like to give you some support, but on the other hand, there's a child involved here. Just what do you mean by "done"? I'd like to know whether this child is in danger.

I'm just done. DC has sensory issues, possible adhd, and I just don't care anymore.