Well, I know OP didn't want anyone to answer, but this is the most civil group of people I've encountered on this topic.

i thought we no answer question

Anonymous wrote:^^^

I do not think that's true. Not everyone is as insecure as you think. Some people deliberately frame their justifications as an attacks on other people's choices and then like to say "haha look at you, so insecure".

this was for 17:05, sorry for confusing anyone.

^^^

I do not think that's true. Not everyone is as insecure as you think. Some people deliberately frame their justifications as an attacks on other people's choices and then like to say "haha look at you, so insecure".

People around here, and people posting on this message board, mostly really really really want the best for their children and they get very defensive when they hear someone say something they think implies, or does imply, that they aren't doing the best for their children.

example: WOHM get defensive when they think someone is implying, or when someone is implying, that by working they are neglecting their kids. Because these WOHMs would never want to neglect their kids, they want the best for them. This gets them angry and defensive. Then they say nasty things they probably don't really mean.

example: SAHM get defensive when they think someone is implying, or when someone is implying, that by not working they are setting a poor example for their kids. Because these SAHMs would never want to set a poor example for their kids, they want the best for them. This gets them angry and defensive. Then they say nasty things they probably don't really mean.

This is 16:59. I only just realized all of this. I WOH and my sister is a SAHM. We used to take little digs at each other and it affected our relationship until finally, she confessed to wanting a little of what I had and I owned up to wanting a little of what she had (more time with the kids, etc.). I said some really hurtful things to her out of envy and she made me feel really guilty about putting my child in daycare. Anyhow, our relationship is much much better now.

Because you can't do both, but must choose one or the other. And any justification you make can be construed as an attack by folks who have made the opposite choice.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's because it's a decision made at the expense of something else and that leaves us vulnerable in some way. And/or it's a decision that circumstances made for us. And it's also very personal so we get defensive more readily than we would otherwise, especially when we're having a bad day and long for the other.

Exactly. And there are just nasty people out there that will exploit any vulnerability you have because they're just vile human beings who take pleasure in that.

I think it's because it's a decision made at the expense of something else and that leaves us vulnerable in some way. And/or it's a decision that circumstances made for us. And it's also very personal so we get defensive more readily than we would otherwise, especially when we're having a bad day and long for the other.

Thanks, PP. I think you summed it up. well I also don't see why the digs are necessary and what are some of you trying to prove?

Who cares what someone else is doing as long as you made a decision that you are comfortable with and works for your family.
SAH, WOH you cares what someone else is doing, it's not your life.
These types of threads are out of control nasty.

Anonymous wrote:Am gonna answer anyway:

Because SOME WOH moms feel a little guilty leaving their kids in the care of others and some pangs of jealousy of the opportunities that SAH have (time with children, the MISPERCEPTION of "free time" to do things like pedicures, etc. and relax) so they take little digs at the SAHM moms. And SOME SAHM moms secretly worry they've tanked their career by staying at home so feel defensive about their decision and deal with it by lashing out at WOH moms.

I wish we were all honest and owned up to having the feelings above. It's okay to feel a little envious sometimes or feel insecure about a decision you have made.

This is absolutely true. No one is perfectly secure with any decision they make about parenting. My theory about why it gets out of hand is that there are a few trolls here and there that get off on pushing those buttons. I'm serious. People say shit in these threads that I've NEVER heard in real life.

^^ You're probably right. I don't mind admitting that sometimes I wonder whether or not I made a mistake by putting DC in daycare so young.

Am gonna answer anyway:

Because SOME WOH moms feel a little guilty leaving their kids in the care of others and some pangs of jealousy of the opportunities that SAH have (time with children, the MISPERCEPTION of "free time" to do things like pedicures, etc. and relax) so they take little digs at the SAHM moms. And SOME SAHM moms secretly worry they've tanked their career by staying at home so feel defensive about their decision and deal with it by lashing out at WOH moms.

I wish we were all honest and owned up to having the feelings above. It's okay to feel a little envious sometimes or feel insecure about a decision you have made.

Oh, please stop.

For the life of me, I just don't get it. I don't understand why these threads have to be 20,000 pages long with all the hens clucking back and forth. And yes I'm a WOH Mom but really, why does anyone care outside my family?.

Please don't answer the question, just stew on it privately. Lord knows I don't want to pile on.