Pp and yes I have three children. And yes, I would let them fail. It's their education and character being shaped, not mine. I am not saying to ignore the child completely, but some drastic pulling back seems in order to let kid know that this is a kid problem, not a parent problem. I would make a bet that there isn't 2-3 hours of homework assigned, but that the kid is dragging feet and being difficult because of some sort of psych drama/power play with mom.

I know that is a lot to discern from a short anonymous posting, so the OP can totally ignore it if it doesn't fit. But if something about it rings true, she should back way off and let kid take on the work and the consequences.

Anonymous wrote:In a totally supportive way, I would suggest you let your child take on this problem. It seems he may be used to your help and support and when he doesn't get it, he assumes he can let things drop.

In that spirit I would give him the tools he needs: a structured time and a quiet palce to do homework, some pens, pencils, paper, a planner, internet connection if needed and then make it ALL his responsibility. I would sit with the teacher and him and have a serious " this is the way its gonna be " conversation. Let the teacher and him know that from now.on the homework, projects grades etc. Are HIS responsibility entirely so everyone knows for sure what their roles are and what to expect. After that, let him fail. It won't be fun or pretty but I'm sure the consequences will be an eye opener for him.

If you don't rip off the bandaid now, its gonna be a long fifteen or so years while all your kids follow.the older child's lead through middle and high school

PP, I think your advice sounds good in theory--but I can't help wondering, do you have kids yourself? Have you been willing to let your own kid fail miserably? Because I really am not thinking that this is a realistic solution. There has to be some middle ground between painfully dragging a kid along and abandoning him/her to the tyranny of "F"s D's and C's and across the board.

Keep the kids out of trouble and productive and learning?

In a totally supportive way, I would suggest you let your child take on this problem. It seems he may be used to your help and support and when he doesn't get it, he assumes he can let things drop.

In that spirit I would give him the tools he needs: a structured time and a quiet palce to do homework, some pens, pencils, paper, a planner, internet connection if needed and then make it ALL his responsibility. I would sit with the teacher and him and have a serious " this is the way its gonna be " conversation. Let the teacher and him know that from now.on the homework, projects grades etc. Are HIS responsibility entirely so everyone knows for sure what their roles are and what to expect. After that, let him fail. It won't be fun or pretty but I'm sure the consequences will be an eye opener for him.

If you don't rip off the bandaid now, its gonna be a long fifteen or so years while all your kids follow.the older child's lead through middle and high school

OP here--it is completely a result of executive functioning and general organizational skills. He is getting support, but it is sporadic. The moment I turn my attention away from him and asking him about his daily tasks, he and they let it just slide on then there is this glaring "F" grade sizzling into my Edline mailbox on a Friday evening when I can't do anything about it. It is SO STRESSFUL! I have met with the principal, teachers etc., but it continues to happen whenever there is a period of relative calm, or g*d forbid I should turn my attention to the needs of my other kids. I just am not managing it very well at all and the strain is chipping at the foundation of our family happiness. We don't plan anything ahead of time anymore because eHW just monopolizes everything--the cost of neglecting one assignment can be 40% of the kid's grade with NO WARNING. Just boom! You go from an "A" to a "C" overnight and you're just gasping for answers and you're just told "that's the way it is". The kid is working so hard every day--2.5 to 3 hours every day just to keep his head above water. I know this sounds so dramatic, but we are so drained by this. I'd like to know more about the club for organization. Is it at Deal? Is it after school ? Because he already does study hall twice a week after school as it is.

OP this is one of my concerns in relation to going to Deal next year. I have an ADHD kid and frankly her executive function skills are not that strong and her 5th grade teacher does not know how to support them either. Do you think some of the stress is a lack of preparation at the 5th grade level? Have you talked to the teacher to see if they can give you some guidance? I am hoping that the teachers are open to some differentiation on homework if warranted?

My DD is in 6th grade at Deal and the homework was an adjustment but once my DD got organized, she's been handling it pretty much on her own. Is this an issue of organization and time management? There is a club offered that focuses on helping kids organize and strategize around homework. I don't think it's typical to spend weekends and a lot of time on homework. For us it averages about 45 minutes with intermittent times when it might be more because of a more in-depth assignment. My DD tends to stay at afterschool for activities and gets much of her homework done in the library. Does your child use EdLine to stay on top of assignments and track grades?

I would suggest speaking with the lead teacher for your team to see what he/she might suggest. Also if you feel your child is not getting enough attention in the classroom - you have to get in there and get in their face about it. Ask the teachers give you some practical advice to help your child succeed. My experience has been that teachers and the Asst Principal will respond to your concerns.

12:55 I concur. The OP said nothing about "skipping required homework". Check your hormone levels, 12:16.

Why the condescending snarkiness? Just having a bad day, sweetiepuss, or is there something missing in your own life that makes you resort to bullying strangers on the internet?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there guidelines about how much homework per night? If so, just follow them and be done with it.

Elementary school is over dear. Grades do matter in middle school and just because you want your little snowflake to have copious amounts of free time doesn't mean it is advisable to skip required homework.

I'd say my Deal 6th grader has reasonable homework load, and actually has less busy work than she had in 5th grade at a JKLMO. It still certainly takes up a lot of time, including family time, but most assignments are interesting for her and not frustrating. The way I see it, this is the beginning of at least a decade, probably more, of intensive homework for her-- and it's really a pretty soft beginning as these things go.

Some thoughts: My kid is probably more "pick it right up" than not, and it's such a relief that she's finally in a place where she can move at a fairly appropriate level. The school is really hostile to the idea of tracking anywhere besides math, but they're nevertheless meeting our needs pretty well. If they're not meeting yours, they really should offer some more appropriate options without compromising on the high end, as DCPS normally does. But they won't... see philosophical opposition to tracking mentioned above.

Anonymous wrote:Are there guidelines about how much homework per night? If so, just follow them and be done with it.

Elementary school is over dear. Grades do matter in middle school and just because you want your little snowflake to have copious amounts of free time doesn't mean it is advisable to skip required homework.

I hate to say it, but when our child was taking FOREVER with hw it turned out to be attention issues that we addressed with structure, counseling and medication. I agree that quantity over quality of hw is not a great trend, but also look at your child and his/her habits.
ps. do advocate for hw free weekends (making allowances for long term projects) and holidays . this is a policy at MANY schools.

My child is also a 6th grader at Deal and I said the same thing in the beginning but thought about it and it's just preparing them for the future. My child is now in the swing of things and it's not a big issue anymore. My child could of made the honor roll if it wasn't for her math grade which she now has a tutor for. It will take time and just think it's hunderds of parents who would love for their child to attend Deal!

Are there guidelines about how much homework per night? If so, just follow them and be done with it.

I feel like I am going insane with my 6th grader with the copious writing and reading assignments every night ESPECIALLY on weekends and then the almost talmudic code of "weight" that is given to certain assignments vs. others. We spend every other day in tears trying to keep up with it all. It really feels like a substitute for actually having the teachers give the kids individual attention in class. The classes are big--25-30 kids. It feels like the teachers teach to the few bright kids who pick it right up--and then the rest are dragged through extensive course material by their parents and or tutors. I am just mentally exhausted by all of this. I have 3 other kids who are in elementary school coming from a JKLM--I don't know what I'll do when the others get there next year. So miserable--it has just destroyed our weekends--there's just no more peaceful family down time.