Anonymous wrote:Let's change it: Happy spouse, happy house.

If I'm not happy, our whole family suffers, and same for my spouse. The original saying isn't one I love, but there's a grain of truth in it. Our happiness depends in part on the happiness of those we love.

Love this! So true. As someone whose husband has battled depression, I know that we all suffered before he got help and got it under control.

But OP, 2) is correct. Sorry, but true. I'm a wife of 15 years. Be warned.

Along these lines, though, the one that I have to admit is true for me is "A parent is only as happy as their least happy child". I'm working on it, though -- trying hard not to internalize my DSs ups-and-downs so much. It helps that I'm starting to see results. My middle DS has struggled with being bullied, and now that I don't ask everyday how it's going, it seems to have actually eased his stress a bit. It's really hard to fight this battle with myself, though!

Anonymous wrote:I think you are thinking about the saying too much...in my house it just means that I am the one who worries about stuff more. If I am happy with things, then everyone else is less stressed because I am less stressed. (Examples: Did my husband care what the tile looked like in our newly renovated bathroom? No, but I did and put a lot of effort into finding something I thought was great. Did it matter to my husband what the Christmas dinner table looked like? Not really...although, he did say it looked great and appreciated the effort. Does my husband really care if we get organic milk for our daughter. Honestly, he probably has not given it much thought BUT he does the grocery shopping and remembers that is my preference.) It has nothing to do with not having an equal relationship.

You need a life and need to get out more. Your poor husband, these are your top concerns and "worries"?

I teach K and last year a little girl asked to play with a bunch of boys.... one boy said "We should let her play -- my dad always says when the girls are happy we're all happy, and she's just going to do what she wants anyway" I had a good chuckle

Let's change it: Happy spouse, happy house.

If I'm not happy, our whole family suffers, and same for my spouse. The original saying isn't one I love, but there's a grain of truth in it. Our happiness depends in part on the happiness of those we love.

I think of it more in terms of when moms put everyone else's problems before their own needs, that's all

I think you are thinking about the saying too much...in my house it just means that I am the one who worries about stuff more. If I am happy with things, then everyone else is less stressed because I am less stressed. (Examples: Did my husband care what the tile looked like in our newly renovated bathroom? No, but I did and put a lot of effort into finding something I thought was great. Did it matter to my husband what the Christmas dinner table looked like? Not really...although, he did say it looked great and appreciated the effort. Does my husband really care if we get organic milk for our daughter. Honestly, he probably has not given it much thought BUT he does the grocery shopping and remembers that is my preference.) It has nothing to do with not having an equal relationship.

In our house this is the opposite. I have focused on my happiness (or rather, me) for too long and now our marriage is suffering. Not that I take all the blame - DH has been awful the past year (stressful year at work leading up to a stressful lay off, and a few other things) and I've retreated into motherhood and my career and life at work etc. as an escape. Now that we are having (painful) conversations and DH is getting some help with his issues, and are starting to hopefully rebuild, I am deliberating trying to do things that please him like picking up more (he is a neat freak and I am not and I always blew it off and now I'm trying to be more respectful). Trying to show that I do care about what is going on at his work, and trying to plan things we can do together as a family or just us.

And he is trying to do the same, I can tell. But in 2012 I have a hard time understanding that quote as well OP. We are more "equal" in terms of our responsibilities than say my parents who had a more rigid divide of tasks - my dad worked and my mom raised kids and managed the house, end of story. So I think that saying is out of date, at least in our house.

I think the message is that mom often sets the tone for the entire home. And it's true. My husband says stuff like that all the time.

Married 25 years.

I'm guilty of using this saying every once in a while. Usually, jokingly, but I think there is some truth in it. I find that a lot of what I (and many other wives/moms I know) do outside of work is focused on making day to day life smoother for everyone in the family, especially my husband. I'm talking things like grocery shopping, laundry, meal planning/cooking, packing lunches, daily cleaning, setting up appointments. I do a lot to ensure not necessarily that DH is happy but that he has time to focus on things that do make him happy. I take the phrase to mean that he just needs to remember to reciprocate every once in a while, as otherwise I'd probably get resentful of all the things I do to facilitate his finding satisfaction in life.

My parents have been married (pretty happily) and work together for the past 38 years - my dad says it all the time.

I find most happily married couples share responsibilities and respect evenly, so no, the wife isn't more important. Howvwer, I think it's a bad sign when one spouse can't say the other is more important than themselves. Ergo, the phrase is not entitling - it just shows respect.

I equally hate, if mom is not happy one one is. Same thing, why should one person's inablity to manage their life effect the whole family. It's the whole princess mentality.

I hear that phrase quite a bit, often as "advice" for newly engaged/married couples, and I find it rather annoying. Well, perhaps immature. As if 1) what makes the husband happy is of no consequence to a happy life and 2) if wife isn't happy she will purposefully make daily life hell for all. The phrase is akin to "It's my way or the highway" in my mind.

I have a family member who says this phrase all the time. She is rather immature about a lot of things so it's not surprising to me that this is often her catch phrase.

Any else find the phrase annoying/entitled?