These are all things you can work on yourself. You can teach him to use utensils through practice (if it's fine motor try different utensils of different sizes and thicknesses). Try different toothbrushes and toothpaste (some kids with sensitivity issues can't tolerate mint flavors).

Dressing with help is okay. Try different clothes that are easy to put on. Lay them out the way they are to be put on.

Help with tooth brushing if necessary. Use pictures to show the steps. Practice. Reward for success.

Potty training is a different story. It's hard if your child isn't ready physically wise. Try pictures with the steps. My DS didn't potty train until 5 1/2. He just wasn't ready. Pushing did not work.

Focus on one skill at a time. Like others suggested start small with one step and build on it.

My son has MERLD or Asperger's or MERLD and ADHD. Pick the DX; no one agrees.

He potty trained at 3 years and 10 months because I decided it was time. He would have let me wipe his butt forever. We got a copy of "You Can Go to the Potty" and read it several times. We set up a potty training weekend. He sat on the potty for 5 minutes, every hour on the hour for three days. When he managed to go in the potty, we gave him a toy out of "the treasure box." (He loved these little plastic toys that came in tubes.) After that weekend, we had him sit on the potty when he got up in the morning, and then after every meal, and before he went to bed for 5-10 minutes. We didn't make a big deal about going in his pull-up, but rewarded him every time he pooped or peed in the potty with another pick from the treasure box.


It took about 3-4 weeks but he had it down pretty quickly.

Anonymous wrote:
I have a MERLD child as well, who was late to do a lot of fine motor skills like dressing, buttoning shirts, etc. He potty trained on time (3.5) though.

Picking one thing at at time is helpful, as a PP said. And figure out what's most important and what is you are likely to have success at. Dressing alone at this age isn't that big a deal. Spoon and fork and potty training are bigger deals, as not doing these things are socially isolating.

I am not the OP, but my dc is 3.5 with speech and other delays who shows zero interest in potty training. Is this something you did on your own or with outside help? Do you force it? Or wait til there's an interest? I feel like it's going to be forever.

I have a MERLD child as well, who was late to do a lot of fine motor skills like dressing, buttoning shirts, etc. He potty trained on time (3.5) though.

Picking one thing at at time is helpful, as a PP said. And figure out what's most important and what is you are likely to have success at. Dressing alone at this age isn't that big a deal. Spoon and fork and potty training are bigger deals, as not doing these things are socially isolating.

An outside OT would probably good as well. I struggled with getting IEP to reflect life skills, eg buttoning. They kept telling me those were not academically related. It may be different now. We only use the private OT now.

Also relatives, no matter how "well intentioned" need to step off with the comments. Tell them he is who he is and he'll do these things when he can. End of story.

Best of luck.

Don't sell him short. He can do these thongs with time an incentive.

OP here: DC is in a regular preK school but they have been very understanding about his issues. DC will be getting an IEP. Mostly I've been getting a lot of pressure from my parents and relatives about his self care or lack thereof. Mostly I wanted views from parents who have btdt for an experienced perspective. Thank you.

My 5.5 yo DS has MERLD/apraxia, hypotonia and motor planning/coordination issues. He wasn't potty trained until just before his 5th birthday. It's only recently that he's reliably pooped in the toilet and it only because we know the signs of when he needs to go. His underwear is frequently soiled ('tracks') and he needs assistance wiping. He doesn't have sufficient motor control to brush his teeth adquately, he still needs assistance getting dressed, needs help getting his shoes on (we haven't even tried having him tie his shoes) and prefers to eat with his fingers because it's easier than using utensils. Sometimes, he gets tired of feeding himself and asks us to feed him.

I agree with 17:26 that you can't force him to do all these things at once but you can work on them all at once. Even though DS can't control the toothbrush well, we still have him practice brushing his own teeth the last 20 seconds. We give him a treat everytime he poops in the potty and never punish his for tracks. We have him put on one sock the best he can and put on the other, etc.

OT has helped him but it's mostly helped us learn how to help him - like exercises to help him improve his core strength, flexibility (required when wiping or fastening the seat belt) and working through some particularly difficult challenges that cause meltdowns when we tried. Is your DS in a special ed preschool? Ours was and they also worked with him on these life skills. I highly recommend it.

Little leaves has potty training classes, etc.

Do not force him to do all of these things at once. It takes longer to reach independence with kids with AS. Some of these things are diffiuclt because the coordination and fine motor sklils aren't there yet. Have him start with one step in a chain of steps (or the last step is even better), then the last 2 steps, etc. (e.g. he can put the toothbrush in the toothbrush holder at the end, next he can rinse the toothbrush after brushing then put the brush in the holder; or have him do one or two strokes of brushing after you do most of the brushing, or first). My son is 10 and still far less independent than his peers. He'll get there.

Not OP, but can you recommend the behavior program?

A behavior program is what worked for us but as hard as it is you just have to be patient and make him do these things. Find the right incentive and make him earn time with his preferred activities. Ie he must fEed himself before he gets to do X. He must use the potty and he can have Y. Good luck.

My 4.5 yr old still won't use a spoon or fork and cannot dress himself without assistance. Does not brush his teeth. Not potty trained either but still in pull-ups. Does OT help?