I'm normally an involve-the-authorities person, but this time completely agree with the posters who say DON'T involve the authorities. Do get a therapist involved, and be very proactive in ensuring this stops right away. This is a situation that can go (more) wrong very fast.

talk to him and listen, then think about your next step

The Weed Head is spot-on with his/her advice. Minimum sentencing isn't a joke. This is your chance to heed his/her advice and not to destroy your relationship with your son.

Hi, weed head PP again. I would recommend finding and reading some old Rolling Stone articles about suburban kids who get caught by the police, and are used as an example, and end up getting the maximum sentence possible and are in jail--one of those really bad, off in the country, county lock-up jails (not the local police station overnight)--for many years. They do a great job of telling how these kids are incarcerated while their friends are going to college, moving on with their lives etc. As well as highlighting how their "friends" were no longer their friends once the long arm of the law came into play.

This will be more effective than telling them "drugs are bad and bad for you" since they probably have read all of the NORML propaganda about how weed isnt as bad as tobacco or alcohol, its just because the man is keeping the marijuana/hemp industry down, sometimes there is a twist re: how DuPont lobbyists are involved (so that they can sell their man-made fibers vs people using hemp for things). Sometimes there is a twist re: drug laws having their roots in the alcohol lobby. Sometimes the drug laws are attributed to being an easy way to incarcerate minorities. Regardless, there is a lot of pro-weed propaganda out there that your kid has likely read.

The best way to counter that is by ensuring that while they have read so much about how pot is awesome, it is still illegal, whether it should be or not. And that breaking the law has consequences much more severe than being grounded. Like a long-term jail sentence.

Again--this is coming from my personal experience as someone who smoked weed for most of my teens and 20s.

I used to smoke a shitload of weed in high school, college, and grad school. I am now a well adjusted adult, which is the place from where my advice comes.

First and foremost, DON'T TELL THE SCHOOL. DON'T CALL THE COPS. If your kid ends up in jail, they will meet people who will teach them things that make selling some weed look like a tea party. And, if they are kicked out of school, they will likely resort to more selling, quite likely of drugs harder/with higher legal consequences than weed.

Next, keep an open mind. Not as in "keep an open mind about weed man", because thats not what I am saying. Keep an open mind re: the fact that your child may just not realize the illegality of what they are doing. Not that they arent smart, but a large number of kids are going to smoke weed, or know someone who does. It is easier to get than booze was when we were young. So combine that with the fact that we as a society tend to treat smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and underage drinking all as the same level of "bad" and you get a lot of kids who just dont get what they are doing in the grand scheme of things.

Now, before doing anything else, talk to your kid to get an idea of the situation. First off, find out what level of "dealing" they are doing. Are they buying QPs (quarter pounds) of weed and breaking them down into a lot of smaller bags for all of the weed heads at their school? Are they buying an ounce or less and selling dime bags or single joints to their friends here and there?

Once you know whether your kid is the next Tony Montana or not, find out why your son is doing this. Is it for the easy money, is it because it has made him a lot of friends, is it just because he has a good weed connection and is taking advantage of it to hook his friends up? Or is it, as was the case when I smoked a lot of weed and sold some to my friends from time to time, because you can basically buy an ounce, break it down, sell most of it to your friends to recoup the costs, and end up with your own weed to smoke for free?

I realize that to many puritanical parents on this board it seems like this is overboard, but you really need to know how deep your kid is before you make any decisions.

I would also find out how often your kid is smoking weed. Big difference between the effects/severity of someone who smokes on the weekends at parties vs someone who smokes every day. And yes, your kid could very easily be selling and still fall into the latter category.

Now that you have this knowledge and know where your kid is coming from, talk to a professional outside of your school who specializes in these issues and go from there.

However please, from personal experience, don't send your kid to rehab for weed. They are going to--much as is the case in jail--learn a LOT more about drugs, hiding drugs, doing other drugs, buying drugs, etc. than they likely do now.

Your son will make a great doctor one day.

Anonymous wrote:We suspect DSS, age 16, is dealing drugs (marijuana) based on some things he has told DH. He's definitely smoking weed.

What would you do?

Hmmm. Depending on the school I would call and get it help through the school. Some are good at covering up this garbage and cater to people in your situation. Might already suspect or know.

DO NOT CONTACT POLICE. THEY MAY NOT TREAT DRUG DEALING AS A PETTY OFFENSE.

I have not dealt with this issue. However, you do have options. What I would probably do is to give him a choice: go clean on your own, or go into rehab. Follow that up with urine tests. If he is recreational user, he should be able to quit, otherwise, get him the help. I think at 16, you can force him into rehab.

Find a good counselor also.

Pot may seem like a minor deal, but if he gets busted for dealing, it will become very difficult to get certain types of jobs -- those that require a clearence.

Does he live with you full time, OP?

Do you have a family counselor? If you don't - get one. This is serious.

If he is dealing, his suppliers may be very very dangerous people. You are going to want some professional advice to navigate this best.

We found out DD was smoking pot over the past few months and just learned it and some other choice items this week. She is a little younger, so she is still at the age where we have a bit more influence, but since we had evidence, we were able to sit her down, confront her with it, and she had already come to the conclusion independently to stop. Obviously this doesn't sound like it will translate well to your issue, but FWIW, you are not alone. We've also taken away her privileges and she can earn them back over time as she rebuilds her trust.

Does your 16 year old have text? Use of the family car? Allowance or clothing money? A computer in his room? Explain that these are only for members of the household who remain drug free and the drugs will not be tolerated. Then, if you know or find that he is on drugs- take them away.

Our doctor and family counselor suggested us getting a breathalyzer and a home drug test and letting DD know that as her parents we have these tools at our disposal and may use them if we feel needed. That if there is a positive, privileges will be taken.

Anonymous wrote:Search your house and if you find something, call the cops and let them handle it. I assume you've already tried to get him off drugs and re-directed to other non-drug activities and friends?

My nomination for worst advice ever. Ruin his life, ruin his relationship with you, all over a bit of weed.

Anonymous wrote:Search your house and if you find something, call the cops and let them handle it. I assume you've already tried to get him off drugs and re-directed to other non-drug activities and friends?

This advice clearly comes from someone who has never dealt with this. Absolutely terrible idea. Getting arrested could limit his future substantially. Try to deal with it without handicapping the entire rest of his life.

Obviously this isn't unheard of, and it isn't meth, so I would leave the police out of it. Talk to his counselor, they should have some good advice

Search your house and if you find something, call the cops and let them handle it. I assume you've already tried to get him off drugs and re-directed to other non-drug activities and friends?

We suspect DSS, age 16, is dealing drugs (marijuana) based on some things he has told DH. He's definitely smoking weed.

What would you do?