Anonymous wrote:
I went in the opposite direction. I chose to never degrade myself in the same way that my parents did when they threw loud fits.


It is wonderful to hear that you managed to turn out perfect.


I'm a new poster, and I think it's wonderful that PP was able to take a deliberately more healthy approach than her parents. Good for her.

She was more than a little smug and superior. Only the future will show in what ways her kids feel she degraded herself as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a yeller and I couldn't stand up for myself well into young adulthood. I think there's a correlation. People who weren't close to me would probably describe me as 'meek'. Finally I decided I couldn't blame my upbringing anymore and developed into a reasonably assertive person. My workplace can be very intense and I am known as the rational one and the problem solver which I think is a good thing.

I don't do much yelling at home. DC is still an infant. On a very rare occssion, I do lose my temper (ex, telling DH to shut up) but am quick to recognize and apologize for my behavior.

PP here, also wanted to say I'm still very much a people pleaser and I'm sure that has something to do with my mom's constant yelling.

My mom was a yeller but in her defense, sometimes we really didnt pay attention to her until she yelled. There were 4 of us (close in age). She didnt yell that often but when she did, we knew she meant business. Me...I think I'm like her. I try and try not to yell but sometimes my emotions get the best of me or I get overwhelmed and the yelling starts.

My mom was a yeller and I couldn't stand up for myself well into young adulthood. I think there's a correlation. People who weren't close to me would probably describe me as 'meek'. Finally I decided I couldn't blame my upbringing anymore and developed into a reasonably assertive person. My workplace can be very intense and I am known as the rational one and the problem solver which I think is a good thing.

I don't do much yelling at home. DC is still an infant. On a very rare occssion, I do lose my temper (ex, telling DH to shut up) but am quick to recognize and apologize for my behavior.

my mom was a ridiculous yeller which sometimes strayed over the line into verbal abuse. my brother has never forgiven her for it and they still have a very difficult relationship. as for me, i vowed even as a child that when i became a mother, i would not act this way, and so far i've been *pretty* good about it. i have an almost-3 year old and a baby though. definitely can't yell at a baby there are certainly times when i have wanted to yell at my older child but managed to stop myself (like last night when he peed in his pants 2x in 5 mins, then pooped in his pants right after that, all because i couldn't be with him because i was trying to soothe his hysterical sister to sleep). so far, so good. hope the trend continues when they are older.

as far as how it affected me, let's just say i'm in therapy.

My mom was a yeller and I hated it. I'm trying really hard not to be a yeller with my kids, but like one of the other pp's, it's only effective most of the time, and definitely seeps out sometimes. I'm trying, and I'd really like the advice of anyone who has this and has managed to overcome it.

Anonymous wrote:

I went in the opposite direction. I chose to never degrade myself in the same way that my parents did when they threw loud fits.

It is wonderful to hear that you managed to turn out perfect.

I'm a new poster, and I think it's wonderful that PP was able to take a deliberately more healthy approach than her parents. Good for her.

FWIW, I think yelling is usually only a problem when it's a reflection of dysfunction. If it's not, then the kids aren't really affected.

I went in the opposite direction. I chose to never degrade myself in the same way that my parents did when they threw loud fits.

It is wonderful to hear that you managed to turn out perfect.

Yes - both parents were yellers and my mom is verbally abusive.
It has definitely affected my brother and I and we both resent her for it. The yelling was bad but we could live with it - the verbal abuse and control games are another story and I will never do that to my kids. My mother always never apologizes when she says something mean and hurtful.
I am a yeller and try desperately to control it. I am loud in general when I am happy or mad and I hate that. FWIW - my culture is a loud one in general and very dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:
I went in the opposite direction. I chose to never degrade myself in the same way that my parents did when they threw loud fits.

It disgusts me so I refuse to model the same for my kids.

OK, but HOW? NP here, and I'm a yeller too. My mom never yelled, but my dad was awful and I remember how it affected me - we have a strained relationship to this day. I am working really hard to change because I see myself turning into him and I hate it! I just finished 7 weeks worth of anger management classes, and found them only moderately helpful. When I lose it, I lose it big time. I hate what it's doing to my kids and my relationship with them, but try as I might, I am having a very hard time. About 80% of the time I can find it in myself to walk away, or count, breathe, whatever. But the rest of the time I just can't help myself. Not sure what's next. I could really use some practical tips.

Yes. I have found that I don't care for loud people. I also rarely raise my voice.

7:23 here, my iPad didn't like the word yellers, sorry

I went in the opposite direction. I chose to never degrade myself in the same way that my parents did when they threw loud fits.

It disgusts me so I refuse to model the same for my kids.

Ugh! We are Irish, we are tellers, we cant help it. My friends were terrified of my dad, we just completely ignored him. Both my parents were tellers, I married a whisperer. Seriously, he whispers when he is really really mad. Who does that?!
I am trying really hard to tame my temper, but I fly into a rage, my son is very sensitive so I feel like I am damaging him somehow. And I hate going to my parents house, it's always so loud, and chaotic. Even my grandmother drops the f bomb. It's definitely not a household I want mine to become.
The worst part is that I am turning DH into a yeller, or maybe the kids are.
Anyway, I would love some tips to tame my anger.

Our house growing up was a loud house, put it out there. Didn't totally effect me negative but my brother, that's another story. He's not scarred but definitely affected, he chose a wife where he's more dominant. Me. I'm intense at times. I try to temper my bite but gosh those kids can drive you mad. What I really need to tone down my sharpness, this is what I worry about but I can't help it- I count, I walk away, I do breathing exercises but I can't take it some times. Kids are 4 and 3 they look like they are dealing with my "craziness" and chalk it up to there goes mom again.