I was always described as a leader growing up. I think it was based on a willingness to speak up and an always having an idea (even if misguided) of how whatever the task was should be done. But after being told what a great leader I was for so many years, I rarely took the initiative to seek out leadership opportunities.

In short, even if people say your kid is a natural leader, it doesnt' mean she will ever lead anything.

OP, please do not make the mistake of mistaking "bossy" or "ill mannered" for "leadership". You are doing her no favors.

Leadership skills can be taught. You have to present your kids with different opportunities. Sometimes they will be in leadership roles and other times -- they'll be expected to be "good soldiers" and just follow. Expose kids to many interests: sports, music, drama, civic engagement, student gov't. etc. and they will find their ways (with some gentle nugging and mentorship).

Anonymous wrote:Leadership is not an end in itself, nor is it something you can teach, per se. You can teach someone how to relate better to others, how to manage processes, and how to look beyond your immediate milieu, but other people decide whether you are someone they want to follow.

Well put.

I think I have a daughter who might exhibit some leadership traits, I'm not sure. She's only 4.5. She's very articulate, and I think the language skills put her where she is, right now.

Personally, I don't care if she becomes a "leader" or not. But I do care if she behaves well with others. So we practice things like problem-solving, listening, sharing ideas, and resolving conflict. We have "princess summits" where I pretend to be her favorite princesses, and we "all" (that would be her and my five princess multiple personalities) talk about various problems and how to address them. I do a lot of modeling, as best I can, with the princesses debating and sharing ideas about things ranging from how to get children to go to bed on time to how to help poor people in our kingdoms.

Creativity is another important trait, as well as a lack of fear of failure. I have no idea where she'll ultimately land on these fronts.

I will say, some of my favorite leaders/bosses aren't very bossy. They're consensus-builders, and they allow a certain degree of risk-taking.

Leadership is not an end in itself, nor is it something you can teach, per se. You can teach someone how to relate better to others, how to manage processes, and how to look beyond your immediate milieu, but other people decide whether you are someone they want to follow.

PP, I think burn out is perfectly expected. If you are inadvertently or otherwise pushed by your parents, this is what happens.

You have to tell your child no once in a while, OP. Its our job as parents. We have had friends in the past that no one can bear any more because they simply will not tell their children no. The child becomes really, really obnoxious and total without manners I guess you would say bossy). Its not the girls fault, it on the parents to teach their children.

OP, don't allow your child to be a nuisance. Gently guide her, that will be the best gift you can give her. If she knows she has guidance, everything else will fall into place. But to let her continue, and be the one no one wants to hang out with, that is just mean.

15:36 - Agree. They lose their clout. People get tired of them very fast. I know one or two people that insist that their girls have these traits. As a business owner and a woman (who has had several successful careers), I am telling them, they are doing their children no favors by promoting this attitude. Esteem has nothing to do with bossiness. We have fired more than one self confident, independent and bossy people that were just plain disruptive and not on point. Actual knowledge (not just where you went to school; and not gossip) is power - crowding your resume with hollow lists, having the trait of bossiness - not so useful in the real world. Being useful, NOT the illusion of useful, is actual power.

I'm not sure that I would equate being independent, self-confident, and bossy with being a leader. People who run their mouths, are too independent, and like to run the show often are terrible leaders.

Anonymous wrote:"As they age do they lose this "esteem?"

If and when it is sucked out of them.

So true- Corporate America slapped me too many times.

I was a super leader as a child..always initiating, running things, yep bossy too. Had great self concept and self confidence and never lost that. Always had lots of friends, big ideas, loved being a leader. I was involved in everything I could be in high school / university and really thought I'd change the world some how. This lasted through my mid twenties then it was like I burnt out. Slowly faded into the background and slowed way down. People who knew me then don't recognize me, people who know me now can't imagine me being the person I describe I was. Ultimately I hope I end up somewhere in the middle... I wish I had slowed down earlier and had energy left over for my 30s, 40s, and beyond!

"As they age do they lose this "esteem?"

If and when it is sucked out of them.

Curious, I was always an "independent" thinker and participant as a child and I am still the same way as an adult, has it's +/-'s. My DD shows leadership skills- heck she's bossy (lol). I am trying to tone down the bossiness and channel her leadership side; she's only five so no hurry -it would be great if she becomes a leader in whatever she ends up doing. As they age do they lose this "esteem?"