Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grooms' parents don't have to pay for the wedding, and neither do you.

Why don't you give your daughter a set amount of money: $X, and let her decide on the wedding costs from there. Tell her that if she wants a wedding that is more expensive than $X, then she and groom with have to pay for the extra themselves. But also tell them that if they choose a wedding less expensive then $X they are welcome to spend the money on the new house. That way you won't break the bank on the wedding and the couple will be incentivized to keep the cost of their wishlists down.

This.

Parents are not obligated to pay for their children's weddings.

+1 on this. But do you realy think your daughter won't come back asking for more money later for a house?

How poor are the parents of the husband? Why wife's is much less affluent than mine and orginally we didn't want them to spend a dime but in the end they insisted. Mine contributed 45%, we contributed 45% and her's contributed 18%. NO ONe knows what the cost break down was except for my wife and me. I am suprised the husband's family is comfortable even showing their face at the wedding without even OFFERING to help.

OP here. I really appreciate all your input. I have been thinking about this a lot. Planning the wedding with my daughter has been such a joy. It will only bring us closer. And, we don't have to deal with any input from the groom's side.
I want this wedding to be all everything my daughter wants within reason. She has a sense of the cost of things. I was thinking about when babies come (I can't wait!!) I again will be the nurturer!
So, we have no equity left in our home!
Can you tell the antidepressants are working! LOL

We got married in our early 20s and didn't expect either set of parents to contribute. You are sweet to put thought and money into their special day!

We were in our mid twenties and paid for our own (gorgeous, I must say) wedding, top to bottom. Our choices, our day, no one had anything to complain about. Of course, those who would complain about anything did, and so our first lesson of married life was learned. You can't please everyone, and those who complained then are those who complain now. We should have taken bets

Our parents were not named on the invites because they did not pay for it. They were upset because they felt we let the world know their business. But if they wanted to be named, they could have kicked in some cash. Their choice. Easy.

OP, there will always be critics. Do what you feel is right for them. You seem like a warm, responsible parent. I agree with saying here is XX amount. Frankly, we would have been grateful.

I just got married two years ago and my fiance and I put together our own budget based on what we have saved (about $20K), and stuck to that. We did not ask expect anyone to contribute (although really we knew the would.) Then when each of our parents figured out what they could contribute, (my mom a few thousand and his parents a few hundred) it was a nice, much appreciated added budget. This worked out great because it kept costs down and we used their money for the "extras" like a string quartet during the ceremony.

Big weddings are ridiculous - and I come from a family who believes in spending tens of thousands.

We had a simple outdoor wedding with very few people and used money toward a house.

It's one day. How can people justify spending $100K on one day?

I was 24 when I married and even then I paid for the whole thing.
Well, it was actually the both of us.
But then the future mil said she would pay the cost of the people she wants to invite. I thought that was real nice of her
Afterwards both sets of parents and extended family complained that the party was not fancy enough. i.e. some got their food cold, there was no band, no dancing, and flies at the reception. But it was my wedding and what we thought we could at the time affod. My mom paid for my dress and the wedding cake. Had to make the guests pay for their own drinks at the open bar

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have brought up the cost to his parents and their response is "Yes this is going to be expensive". His mom says they should have whatever they want and that anything goes.
So, the financial burden of the wedding is falling on us, the bride's parents.

Sounds like the other parents have made it clear that they're not contributing. So it's your job to tell the lovebirds, "We can offer $xxxx to help fund the wedding." Beyond that, it's the job of the young couple to figure out how to use the money to create the day they want.

I personally wouldn't bring up money with the in-laws any more, but if they should say anything about how the young couple should get what they want, say, "Well, we're contributing what we can, but beyond that they might have to make some tough choices."

Exactly.

Anonymous wrote:The grooms' parents don't have to pay for the wedding, and neither do you.

Why don't you give your daughter a set amount of money: $X, and let her decide on the wedding costs from there. Tell her that if she wants a wedding that is more expensive than $X, then she and groom with have to pay for the extra themselves. But also tell them that if they choose a wedding less expensive then $X they are welcome to spend the money on the new house. That way you won't break the bank on the wedding and the couple will be incentivized to keep the cost of their wishlists down.

This.

Parents are not obligated to pay for their children's weddings.

I hope they are at least springing for the rehearsal dinner. But you should just offer what you can afford, and the couple has to work with it. If they want to add funds, great.

Ridiculous. Say you would love to INVEST money in your grandchildren's college accounts. But a wedding is just one blurry day out of the hopefully thousands your children will enjoy together.

The inlaws are not gracious. Set an amount you are comfortable with and help your children make a memorable wedding out of that.

Isn't that the first lesson in marriage? Making creative choices with not as much money as one would wish!

Anonymous wrote:We have brought up the cost to his parents and their response is "Yes this is going to be expensive". His mom says they should have whatever they want and that anything goes.
So, the financial burden of the wedding is falling on us, the bride's parents.

Sounds like the other parents have made it clear that they're not contributing. So it's your job to tell the lovebirds, "We can offer $xxxx to help fund the wedding." Beyond that, it's the job of the young couple to figure out how to use the money to create the day they want.

I personally wouldn't bring up money with the in-laws any more, but if they should say anything about how the young couple should get what they want, say, "Well, we're contributing what we can, but beyond that they might have to make some tough choices."

The grooms' parents don't have to pay for the wedding, and neither do you.

Why don't you give your daughter a set amount of money: $X, and let her decide on the wedding costs from there. Tell her that if she wants a wedding that is more expensive than $X, then she and groom with have to pay for the extra themselves. But also tell them that if they choose a wedding less expensive then $X they are welcome to spend the money on the new house. That way you won't break the bank on the wedding and the couple will be incentivized to keep the cost of their wishlists down.

There is no reason you should bear the brunt of the costs unless you are rich. This isn't 1900 and back then you would be able to control them more. It's always easy to spend someone else s money.

We are so happy and thrilled about our daughter's upcoming wedding.
Regarding the boys parents. They are nice people. They both have strong personalities and say what is on their mind.
We are in different states and we have occasion to visit their area a few times a year. They have never invited us over. We will get together for a quick breakfast before we leave for home. We enjoy being with them, but they are not the warmest people in the world.
Both our kids have chosen a beautiful wedding, but it is expensive (we are cutting costs wherever possible). They have been saving for a home and are just about ready to shop for one. They are putting off a honeymoon so they will be able to afford their home. We have brought up the cost to his parents and their response is "Yes this is going to be expensive". His mom says they should have whatever they want and that anything goes.
So, the financial burden of the wedding is falling on us, the bride's parents. I know the wedding planner at our venue says that many times it is shared between the couple getting married and both sets of parents. Also, many older (over 30) couples getting married take care of it themselves. Our kids are mid 20's.
I would love to hear how others have handled this. Thanks