OP here: Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time in my son's daycare when he was an infant. Like an hour at drop-off and an hour at pick-up. I did it long enough that the providers stopped being on their "best behavior" in front of me, and I got to see how they treated the kids when other parents weren't around. I got to hear how they gossiped about the parents and their co-workers (not important) and also got to see, among other things, how they reacted to a child who was particularly fussy and how strictly they followed hygiene procedures (very important). It was extremely eye opening to me. I'm sure they thought I was nuts (I probably am), but it was worth it to me to know how things really worked there.

Do the teachers ever volunteer bad things that happened? One day at pickup a teacher mentioned that DS had had a rough afternoon because they were swamped (still within ratio, but usually they have an extra teacher) and all the kids decided to be cranky at the same time, so it was just impossible to pick them all up at once when they cried. It was reassuring that she volunteered that, because it gave me more confidence that when she says he's had a good day, it's not a lie.

Also, any care situation is going to have some aspects you would change. You need to be honest with yourself about what they are, what the potential impacts are (is this a safety issue or an "ideal learning environment" issue or a convenience issue?), and what the alternatives are.

When you say forms are incomplete, what kind of omissions? I don't need to be told what activities they did, but I do want to know what DS ate and when he slept. If they're writing down "drank whole bottle at 9, 12, 3" but one of the three bottles you sent is still full, then I would be worried.

Definitely talk to other parents and get to know them. If you tell them stuff you see about their kid ("he was sleeping so well this morning" or "he really doesn't seem to like the Exersaucer") they'll repay the favor.

Babies cry. Our daycare has 4 teachers and 12 infants in the room. Sure, the forms were rarely complete, but the teachers went about their days smiling, always seemed to care, would chat up the parents, and were always responsive. I've found that all to the be the same in the toddler room as well, with the exception that now the form is more complete.

Your gut is important too. But give it some time. We love our downtown center.

Are the babies crying with a provider trying to comfort them in some way, or are the babies in their cribs crying? that makes a difference.

It's part gut, part word of mouth, part violations from the center....

The infant room is always hard (especially as a FTM). I was stunned the first time I saw an infant room at a daycare. I thought it was like seeing a prison riot - it was mayhem! And this was at a very good center. Once I realized it was ALL like that...babies everywhere, I calmed down a little.

Babies cry. And there will always be a baby crying because there can be up to 8 babies in a room (depending on the ratio). There is always something going on in the infant room - baby sleeping, baby crying, baby eating bottle, baby being fed, baby being changed.

What you need to look for - is control in the disorder. Do the daycare staff go about it with smiles on their faces? Are they hugging and loving the infants? Are the patient with the crying ones? Are their babies who are sitting and laying in the same place for long periods of time? Does your child smell/look clean when you get him/her back?

Check out the violations of the center (it will have some) are they major? Minor?

Talk to other parents at the center and get a vibe from them. Are they trying to find another spot? Are they happy? Especially talk to parents in the Two year old room - that is the tough room - they usually have the most complaints.

Visit the daycare forum and search for your center - people probably have commented on it before.

Is it like porn -- you know it when you see it?

My five-month-old is at a daycare downtown, and I am just not 100 percent with it. Two of the teachers seem to know less about babies than I do, DS's daily sheet is incomplete almost every day, and the room seems to always have crying babies. And that's just off the top of my head. (and I know that babies cry, but almost every time I'm in there, the room seems to be out of control).

But the kid hasn't been hurt in anyway, and the teachers seem to hold and laugh with DS.

Is it a gut thing? Yes I am a FTM.