Being checked out can be dangerous. It is hard to butt out when you fell used.

Honestly, it just sounds like you resent having the kids dumped on you all day. Rather than trying to diagnose them, and judge the parents, why don't you just set limits? Say no to some playdates. Otherwise stop scrutinizing them and let them be. If they aren't violating some rule of your house, who cares if they are checked out? It sounds like a family thats dealing with a lot, so if you wanted to help, you would do what you are doing and continue the playdates so the parents could have a break. Otherwise, butt out.

Totally depends on your relationship with the mother.

Unless you are SUPER close to her, you MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The children are carbon copies of the dad and are pretty well checked out (ADD or close to). It seems the mom is depressed and often absent. It seems like I should just let them be, but it is difficult around us, as the dad has playdates that last all day - at our house!

Dad has playdates all day, the kids are carbon copies of him, and yet you feel that Mom is to blame? How convenient for Dad. How convenient for your husband to have a playmate.

You know, people often label behavior they don't like ADD or "on the spectrum." But you apparently feel you could turn this situation around with just a word with Mom.

This whole thing stinks to high heaven.

If the kid is at your house, and you are supervising, you are free to tell the child gently but firmly not to do whatever is bugging you. Your house, your rules.

Op here. The children are carbon copies of the dad and are pretty well checked out (ADD or close to). It seems the mom is depressed and often absent. It seems like I should just let them be, but it is difficult around us, as the dad has playdates that last all day - at our house!

I totally agree with the PPs. Unless specifically asked, you need to butt out.

You have no idea how hard they have worked or are working on that particular issue. I have had strangers come up to me and suggest I try speech therapy for my child. It makes me want to cry.

Moreover, why is "Mom" the disservice? Is Dad dead?

MYOB. Don't assume that you can or would do better in this particular situation with this particular child.

Also, you have no idea whether they are working on this "issue" in the privacy of their own home. The mom may choose not to tell child to stop in public so as not to embarrass her child. It really is none of your business.

Exactly what 21:51 said. True whether kid is SN or not, actually

None of us are perfect and its very difficult to raise a child with SN, not tobmention that we don't all share the same approaches. You need to butt out.

MYOB.

I don't say anything. As with other parenting lapses that I find hard to take but are none of my business, I do tend to spend less time around them out of a desire to not be witnessing it.

If you know/see a mom doing a tremendous disservice to a SN child, do you say anything? This isn't just judgy stuff, nor is it abusive stuff. But it also isn't really MYOB stuff, either. It is truly "teachable moment" stuff that is critical to the child's day to day; which would greatly improve the mom's and child's (!) quality of life. I know some will ask for examples, but I would rather not. Suffice it to say it is something that the SN child does repeatedly and predictably, and could easily learn not to (!), but the mom is too tuned out to tend to, if that makes sense. It would make the child LOTS more friends (wothout doing this), for instance. WWYD?

Do you find sometimes you "just don't feel like dealing with" certain things?