I think part of the downhill starts in middle school or so when their Christmas "wish list" becomes itemized down to the serial number (because they know exactly the speakers or latest apple product, or whatever, that they want). So we get them exactly what they ask for and then also try to have a "surprise" gift that they actually like (but that they didn't know they wanted because they didn't put it on their list). So it all comes back to adding pressure on me it seems. We still want Christmas to be magical.

I'm going to check out the Quebec City property pp mentioned. That may be the way we need to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer to help those in need through your church, a food bank or the Salvation Army.

This is funny. I come from a family of real do-gooders. They're at the soup kitchens every Friday through freezing rain and blizzards, etc., etc. Anyway, you should hear how the "real" do-gooders make fun of and resent the "one timers" who come out on Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Really? That is truly ironic. I guess they're not such good people after all. Anyone who would mock another for being moved by a volunteer spirit ANYTIME and for ANY REASON is not a good person.

Oh, they're terrible: 40 years of volunteering through the icy snowy northeastern winters, feeding homeless, working with elderly, always welcoming the poor and blind into our home, tithing more than asked by the church, spending vacations on missions to Haiti (before it was popular to do so), teaching for no pay to cover the cost of one student's tuition. You must be right; they must be bad people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:but a lot of what I do is selfish for myself.

Finally. Someone who grasps the true meaning of Christmas.

11:01 here. Hopefully you understood what I was saying, and aren't mocking my use of the word "selfish". I guess I meant that I want to enjoy the holidays as much as anyone else. So if I can do things that make me happy as well as others, then that's goodness. It doesn't all have to be hard work for others who might or might not appreciate it, unless it brings you joy and happiness.

I feel the same as OP. Kids in high school and I just am feeling"over it" with all the holiday things we used to do. Dontfeel like making it such a big deal any more. Feeling a bit like scrooge....

We've actually gone to a timeshare at Wintergreen a couple of times for Christmas. The kids can still veg but also take part in snow tubing, do fun cooking stuff in a new kitchen, watch movies, bring the Wii, read in front of a fireplace overlooking the mountains, swim, etc.

It's possible that your sons also want to be near their friends during the holiday for impromptu get-togethers at each others home. Wintergreen is only 2 hours away and even though you wouldn't come home for an impromptu gathering, they'd feel less "far away" and probably more willing to go.

Anonymous wrote:but a lot of what I do is selfish for myself.

Finally. Someone who grasps the true meaning of Christmas.

We had the same situation for a few years with DSS. So, how can you make Christmas fun for YOU? Instead of baking cookies alone, invite a few girlfriends and make it a baking day, or have a cookie exchange with wine and apps.

We always did The Messiah and dinner out each year. Sometimes I think DSS dreaded it, other times he enjoyed the change of pace (we let him bring a date one year).

Treat yourself with an early Christmas present - maybe a pedicure with a Starbucks peppermint mocha in hand.

Some of it is making it special for the family, but a lot of what I do is selfish for myself. I love the music or the baking or the present wrapping or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer to help those in need through your church, a food bank or the Salvation Army.

This is funny. I come from a family of real do-gooders. They're at the soup kitchens every Friday through freezing rain and blizzards, etc., etc. Anyway, you should hear how the "real" do-gooders make fun of and resent the "one timers" who come out on Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Really? That is truly ironic. I guess they're not such good people after all. Anyone who would mock another for being moved by a volunteer spirit ANYTIME and for ANY REASON is not a good person.

My 2 teenager DSs are the same, just want to veg. For the past 2 years we’ve stayed at the Hotel Frontenac in Quebec City. I convinced them that 4 days out of their 2 wk vacation was not going to kill them. The kids loved/love it. We let them set their own schedule so they can sleep late. They like walking around, eating of course, ice skating, toboggan run, and they can go snow skiing. We insist that they hook up with us for some events especially at least one meal a day. I recommend it. It’s a magical place to be during the Xmas holidays and my DH & I have a great time too. Quick flight and the non-domestic flights are a breeze during that time of year. Total cost - not real high.

If she can't get the teenagers to agree to go on vacation, then no way are they going to want to go to a soup kitchen!

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer to help those in need through your church, a food bank or the Salvation Army.

This is funny. I come from a family of real do-gooders. They're at the soup kitchens every Friday through freezing rain and blizzards, etc., etc. Anyway, you should hear how the "real" do-gooders make fun of and resent the "one timers" who come out on Thanksgiving or Christmas. It's hard because the teens/college kids really want one thing: to veg out. They want time to sleep in and to watch bad tv and eat junk food. They claim that's all the gift they want (assuming of course that they're very busy and responsible during the school semesters). OK then.

It depends on who these young men are and what sorts of things they like, right? Taking them out to seasonal events, like at the Kennedy Center or embassies around town might be fun in an adult kinda way that appeals to them or it might be a huge bore. Same thing with a fancy, festive evening out at a restaurant with real seasonal atmosphere.

I like the idea of joining these sorts of events with volunteer opportunities like the PP mentioned. It seems like you'd have that experience to discuss and it could really tap into the spirit of the holiday.

Volunteer to help those in need through your church, a food bank or the Salvation Army.

Wow. This is exactly how I feel. I've also tried to go on vacation instead. But it is ridiculously expensive. I feel more pressure now on Christmas than I did when they were little.

I saw the thread about gifts for teenage boys. My problem is that I have only two teenage boys (and DH), and we don't have extended family that we visit or that visit us anymore. (Surviving grandparents are too old to travel and have no room for us in their little retirement condo in New England.) I am so not looking forward to Christmas, because it just feels like a lot of work that nobody appreciates. When the boys were little we had all sorts of nice traditions -- the Advent wreath and calendars, tree decorating, cookie baking and decorating, carol singing as a family, watching Christmas movies and reading Christmas stories together, Santa's visit, and the like. My boys are nice kids, but they just aren't interested in decorating the tree or cookies anymore. It is hard to get motivated to decorate the house or cook special meals or treats for the two boys and Dad, who barely seem to notice (although they would miss it if I did nothing). I would frankly rather just go away on vacation, but the kids don't want to do that because they work really hard during the school year and want to "veg" at home (ie, watch TV and play Xbox) on their break. How do you make Christmas special without extended family or little ones around? TIA