Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone does not see how something is tacky, there is just no explaining it to them. One has taste and discretion, or one does not.

Or maybe one has the $$$ to finish off the current renovations that are stalled due to lack of funds. I'd say "thanks, daddy Warbucks."

Private vs. public communication of the $$$ is the issue here.

Anonymous wrote:If someone does not see how something is tacky, there is just no explaining it to them. One has taste and discretion, or one does not.

Or maybe one has the $$$ to finish off the current renovations that are stalled due to lack of funds. I'd say "thanks, daddy Warbucks."

If someone does not see how something is tacky, there is just no explaining it to them. One has taste and discretion, or one does not.

If someone can't see that something is tacky, there's no explaining it to them.

Anonymous wrote:

How is that tacky? That's the way things work in life.

the tacky part of this being obvious about it and talking about it in a room of strangers, rather than privately.

Every day, I take a large shit, and "that's the way things work in life" for me and, I bet, you too. But we don't talk about it, because that would be gross.

So is announcing to a crowd where nobody asked: Hey! I have lots of money!!! I am interested in buying you off!

Then please don't talk about it here.

How is that tacky? That's the way things work in life.

the tacky part of this being obvious about it and talking about it in a room of strangers, rather than privately.

Every day, I take a large shit, and "that's the way things work in life" for me and, I bet, you too. But we don't talk about it, because that would be gross.

So is announcing to a crowd where nobody asked: Hey! I have lots of money!!! I am interested in buying you off!

Anonymous wrote: But I have been on tours where people did tacky things. Like the father who asked how much money was needed to complete a current renovation project, implying that he could and would complete the project if his child got in. I never saw that man again, so I assume his child was not admitted into my child's class at this school.

How is that tacky? That's the way things work in life.

OP, you haven't even been admitted yet, have you?

You are asking if it's seen as an asset that the tuition checks won't bounce when making admissions decisions


I'm going to say 'no.'

I've seen where the grandparents have even come to back to school night and so on and asked questions. Also to special days at school where the parents can come to shadow their kids for a day. Whne Grandma or Grandpa takes over the meeting and tries to focus it all on their kids, I always roll my eyes to myself in my head. There are plenty of us paying full freight that do not think a class-wide or school-wide meeting is all about our particular kid. Most schools have ways to reach out to grandparents, so OP's parents can make that known through those channels. My parents, who are on a fixed income, cannot give, so they always call me when they are contacted, and I always explain that the schools are just reaching out in case and that they reach out to everybody. They have finally gotten used to it (obviously I was not a private school kid growing up) and have come to enjoy the updates they get from the school.

Anonymous wrote:If you don't file for FA, they'll assume you can pay for it. They also won't know anything about your HHI, as the FA application is the only place you'd divulge it.

On the other hand, if the grandparents are likely to be involved, make big donations, have a compelling name association, or otherwise help your cause, maybe have one of them tour the school with you? I know another family in your situation that did this. I'm sure they'd like to know where their money is going anyway.

I definitely would advise against having the big-cheese grandparent go with you on the tour. It's usually just the parent(s) and the applicant. Any more persons, and it begans to look weird. Trotting out the influential or rich grandparents would be just too unsubtle. But I have been on tours where people did tacky things. Like the father who asked how much money was needed to complete a current renovation project, implying that he could and would complete the project if his child got in. I never saw that man again, so I assume his child was not admitted into my child's class at this school.

If you don't file for FA, they'll assume you can pay for it. They also won't know anything about your HHI, as the FA application is the only place you'd divulge it.

On the other hand, if the grandparents are likely to be involved, make big donations, have a compelling name association, or otherwise help your cause, maybe have one of them tour the school with you? I know another family in your situation that did this. I'm sure they'd like to know where their money is going anyway.

Wow this so obnoxious! You basically want to brag that your parents are footing the bill?! Yuck. Many parents foot the bill without even saying they are paying.

Yes, how do you diplomaticly say, we can't afford it but our parents can?

Agreed - the ability to comfortably pay K-12 is not unique in this area.
As for the ability to make big donations, they can probably just tell from your address.

It would seem that the school would know because of the absence of a financial-aid application in your child's file. Many parents at private schools pay full tuition; therefore, your ability to pay full tuition would not distinguish you. What would be a disctinction is the ability -- or, better, the commitment -- to make huge donations.

How do schools know what you're worth and what you are able to give? Within the many families not applying for FA, there are so many income ranges. We are in a situation where the grandparents will be footing the bill for school. They happen to be very wealthy. We are doing well but by no means are we influencers or HNW at this point in our lives. But, we want to somehow diplomatically let the schools know that we are able to comfortably pay K-12.