OP, not inviting the sister in law to the birthday was a dick move. Call when you will get voice mail or send a text or email. Or just suck it up and deal with a five minute phone call. Would you want a future in-law to treat your DD this way? Sounds like the grandparents handled this one right.

Anonymous wrote:I am not saying you are not right to be upset and angry with your SIL for the overall situation, but for what happened today I don't see much reason for all this anger...

It was your child birthday party;
You didn't invite their aunt because she lives 6hrs away;
Grandparents came to b-day party, stayed through dinner and opening of gift - so, they did celebrate with your DD;
Grandparents left earlier to meet with their daughter who was in the city for a quick visit.


What is the issue here? You wanted the grandparents to stay until the very end of the party? Yeah, would be cool but I doubt your daughter was upset about it.... they came and celebrated with her.

NOW, if they had skipped it all together then it would be a different story.

Also, look at the bright side of all this... since the IL show more favoritism to your SIL, when they are old and need care, leave it to her to provide it - since they are closer to her.

I think you make some good points, PP, but I also think OP is reacting not to what happened the day of her daughter's party but to a pattern of behaviors that stretch over a period of time - years, apparently. (I could be wrong about this, but this is what I get from her post.)

As for SIL caring for the ILs when they're in need - I don't think so. If SIL is as OP portrays her, OP is the one who will be providing the care. SIL will be interfering and causing a host of problems, but she won't be helping. (Sorry, OP.)

I am not saying you are not right to be upset and angry with your SIL for the overall situation, but for what happened today I don't see much reason for all this anger...

It was your child birthday party;
You didn't invite their aunt because she lives 6hrs away;
Grandparents came to b-day party, stayed through dinner and opening of gift - so, they did celebrate with your DD;
Grandparents left earlier to meet with their daughter who was in the city for a quick visit.


What is the issue here? You wanted the grandparents to stay until the very end of the party? Yeah, would be cool but I doubt your daughter was upset about it.... they came and celebrated with her.

NOW, if they had skipped it all together then it would be a different story.

Also, look at the bright side of all this... since the IL show more favoritism to your SIL, when they are old and need care, leave it to her to provide it - since they are closer to her.

I think you should have invited her anyway. I'm always so upset when people assume we don't want to attend a party just because we live far away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really sure how that makes her a bitch? You sound like a whiny little child. Grow up, that's their DD. They like her more than they like you. Deal with it. That will be you in 30 yrs.

I think OP's issue is that they treat her husband and daughter as second best, not OP.

EXACTLY

It is in your power to stop letting it bother you. She really isn't in your house all that often, and the parenting favoritism - that's something to take up with the ILs.

I can definitely commiserate. My SIL moved in with my ILs during our DCs first birthday and none of them attended. Her husband was traveling for work and she couldn't handle her kids alone so they paid for 4 flights to care for them. The cherry was learning that he was in town that weekend but they still didn't bother to make the trip.

I've talked to a counselor many times about this and other things she does to rub in our faces how our ILs visit her many more times than they visit us (we're closer to them). As other PPs said, it's their choices and we can't influence those choices. We just have to protect ourselves from hurt. For me, that means less contact and less expectations. Someday that hopefully means moving closer to my parents further from my ILs.

Anonymous wrote:Not really sure how that makes her a bitch? You sound like a whiny little child. Grow up, that's their DD. They like her more than they like you. Deal with it. That will be you in 30 yrs.

I think OP's issue is that they treat her husband and daughter as second best, not OP.

Not really sure how that makes her a bitch? You sound like a whiny little child. Grow up, that's their DD. They like her more than they like you. Deal with it. That will be you in 30 yrs.

She lives six hours away. I would not devote that much energy to her.

Ever hear of "hang in effigy"? Take a pic. of her, put it on a large sheet of paper, and wear "poopy" shoes and stomp all over her. Believe me, this will make you feel very good.

Anonymous wrote:I have finally reached my boiling point with this person. She has made the last 11 years of my life a living hell. I have never met someone like her. The closest person I could compare her to is Kate Gosselin. In fact, she is extremely similar to her. The main problem is my MIL and FIL who think she is the greatest person ever. They have spent her entire life being impressed with her. She has no career, she washed out of college, and her parenting skills are scary. My DH on the other hand, has made a success of himself. He is everything wonderful a parent should brag about. But they just can't do it. He grew up feeling like a failure, while his sister was fawned over. My IL's are pretty good people, and they are kind and helpful to us. But they drop us at a moment's notice if SIL is in town. In fact, they left my DD's 4th birthday party early, because SIL showed up in town unannounced. We did not invite SIL because she lives six hours away, and I didn't feel like exerting the energy it takes to tolerate a phone call with her. Plus she would have used it as a way to make me feel like crap by saying that she has better things to do. MIL has a big mouth and of course blabbed about the party to SIL. So SIL cooked up a reason to show up in town (her husband needed to pick up a package) and demanded that my ILs get together with her. She was only in town for a few hours, and she got here exactly when my DD's party started. I noticed my FIL on his cell phone non-stop, so I wondered what was up. Pretty soon they were making us hurry up dinner, and they rushed through DD opening the presents they gave her. Then, before the cake, they said they needed to meet up with SIL before she left town. I was flabbergasted. I said "they are welcome to stop by" and that was met with "We will tell them that". And away they went, after being at our house for 1 hour. I just wonder what to do about this. I have had it, and I can't outsmart her. I am not a mean person, so I don't think like her. And I can't manipulate people, so my ILs are not very impressed with me. They are very susceptible to brown nosers. I never want to speak to her again, I want to scream in her face, and walk on her perfect carpet in muddy, poopy shoes. Thanks, I feel better.

Kinda sounds like ILs have the problem and it's spilling over into your life. Just remember you can't control other people but you can control how you feel. Take charge woman and don't let her bother you!

Sorry, op. It sounds like my own sister. Let it go. She's not worth the energy and hurt.

I have finally reached my boiling point with this person. She has made the last 11 years of my life a living hell. I have never met someone like her. The closest person I could compare her to is Kate Gosselin. In fact, she is extremely similar to her. The main problem is my MIL and FIL who think she is the greatest person ever. They have spent her entire life being impressed with her. She has no career, she washed out of college, and her parenting skills are scary. My DH on the other hand, has made a success of himself. He is everything wonderful a parent should brag about. But they just can't do it. He grew up feeling like a failure, while his sister was fawned over. My IL's are pretty good people, and they are kind and helpful to us. But they drop us at a moment's notice if SIL is in town. In fact, they left my DD's 4th birthday party early, because SIL showed up in town unannounced. We did not invite SIL because she lives six hours away, and I didn't feel like exerting the energy it takes to tolerate a phone call with her. Plus she would have used it as a way to make me feel like crap by saying that she has better things to do. MIL has a big mouth and of course blabbed about the party to SIL. So SIL cooked up a reason to show up in town (her husband needed to pick up a package) and demanded that my ILs get together with her. She was only in town for a few hours, and she got here exactly when my DD's party started. I noticed my FIL on his cell phone non-stop, so I wondered what was up. Pretty soon they were making us hurry up dinner, and they rushed through DD opening the presents they gave her. Then, before the cake, they said they needed to meet up with SIL before she left town. I was flabbergasted. I said "they are welcome to stop by" and that was met with "We will tell them that". And away they went, after being at our house for 1 hour. I just wonder what to do about this. I have had it, and I can't outsmart her. I am not a mean person, so I don't think like her. And I can't manipulate people, so my ILs are not very impressed with me. They are very susceptible to brown nosers. I never want to speak to her again, I want to scream in her face, and walk on her perfect carpet in muddy, poopy shoes. Thanks, I feel better.