Anonymous wrote:My DC is in a lovely, caring, small, and somewhat struggling school outside of DC. For a host of reasons relating to location to home and other DCs' schools, school vacation schedules, and my DC's needs, we are strongly considering leaving. We've been upfront about this to the school, which has received this news with great unhappiness. Our DC's teacher, with whom I've always had a good relationship (she was DC's teacher last year too) has been extremely distant, unwilling to communicate in email beyond "ok" unless to communicate almost aggressivley how happy my DC is, etc. I feel certain the school is professional enough not to take this out on DC, but I do worry that DC won't get quite the same treatment as the other kids who are staying. I don't want this to be a thing the entire year. Is it unethical to tell them we're applying out to see but will probably stay, pay the deposit, and then just tell them we're not coming back right before the June deadline (after school is over)? They are underenrolled so will not turn down a kid bc they think DC is staying.

Like 13:54, I don't really understand the timing of your notification to the school. You "don't want it to be a thing the entire year," but you've chosen to tell the school now even though you probably don't need teacher recommendations just yet. What did you hope to accomplish? As for the teacher's reaction, try to put yourself in her shoes. You speak positively of the school and your DC is apparently quite happy there, but you're seeking to leave and you've told the teacher that early in the year. She's invested in your DC. You can probably understand how she might feel.

If the school is lovely and caring and professional, all of which you say is true, I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of how your child is treated for the rest of the year. But I think the ethical thing to do is simply to say you're applying out. I would not say we will "probably" stay if we in fact planned to leave. The school may not be right for you, due to location and other factors, but it sounds like you care about the place and in fact think well of it, so presumably you hope it will flourish in the future -- if not for your child, then for others.

Good luck with your decision.

I would think that apart from being sad that you are leaving ( and there is no way not to tell them as you need the rec) there is no reaction towards your child. If you however, act dissengaged, pull back from the school for remainder of year that just doesn't feel nice to anyone. I think the AD might appreciate knowing that you are looking so that she can look to fill that spot. I think your child's experience greatly depends on how you handle yourself. Even if people are hurt or will miss DD, if you continue to be warm and continue to volunteer, etc... they can't help but be positive towards you and DC. Good luck.

There is really no “applying out ‘early’” in private school. You just choose to not return. We’ve switched from 3 different private schools and the only notification we gave is when the teacher recommendations, transcripts, etc. were requested (even though AISGW does require the parents to notify the current heads of their intent). I imagine your DC’s teacher’s response is because she thinks the timing of the notification is odd. What did you hope to accomplish by telling her early?
In terms of sharing that you are just exploring your options - you don’t need to discuss anything with them. Based on typical notification dates of the new schools, you probably will have to make a payment (non-refundable) for next years class given you choose to stay if you are rejected/waitlisted by the other schools. However, if the school is as under-enrolled as you say, you might risk paying the deposit after you find out the admission results of the other schools. The only “ethical” act would be to notify the current school ASAP of your decision verses waiting until the absolute summer end date.
Regarding the reaction of the teacher: unfortunately this happens. Some teachers aren’t professional and will take it out on the kids. But that is life. We’ve had this happen and it just reinforces our decision to leave.

Sounds like the cat is already out of the bag...but I see nothing wrong with being noncommital and saying you may or may not stay. It's very unprofessional of the faculty or admin to treat you or DC differently because you're applying out. If you're worried about that, then something is indeed wrong and you're wise to be looking elsewhere.

My DC is in a lovely, caring, small, and somewhat struggling school outside of DC. For a host of reasons relating to location to home and other DCs' schools, school vacation schedules, and my DC's needs, we are strongly considering leaving. We've been upfront about this to the school, which has received this news with great unhappiness. Our DC's teacher, with whom I've always had a good relationship (she was DC's teacher last year too) has been extremely distant, unwilling to communicate in email beyond "ok" unless to communicate almost aggressivley how happy my DC is, etc. I feel certain the school is professional enough not to take this out on DC, but I do worry that DC won't get quite the same treatment as the other kids who are staying. I don't want this to be a thing the entire year. Is it unethical to tell them we're applying out to see but will probably stay, pay the deposit, and then just tell them we're not coming back right before the June deadline (after school is over)? They are underenrolled so will not turn down a kid bc they think DC is staying.