Simplify, simplify.

Tradition has at my parents' house every Xmas Eve. This is something NONE of my siblings and I have EVER missed since my parents make it so special. My dad is 1/2 Italian- great chef and does lobster, jumbo shrimp..there is tons of wine, the kids open presents from aunts/uncles and grandparents. As siblings--we have never exchanged gifts once we became adults. There are great desserts. Opening of crackers, fire in the fireplace. My mom will give all the grandkids a bath before departure and put them in their pjs. We then lay out cookies/milk for Santa and straight to bed.

My MIL (fil is deceased) lives on the other coast with her sister and is always invited--but we dont' go out there for xmas. My sister is married to somebody from this area and was like you--but she solved it by only doing Xmas EVe with our family and Xmas Day with the inlaws. Brother is a bachelor.

My parents simplified Xmas day by doing a fancy lunch at a restaurant downtown (sometimes brunch at Ritz). We have a leisurely Xmas mornign with our own family, presents, playing, etc...and then get dressed up and head to lunch with my parents and brother (sister's family is now back in the mix since her MIL is deceased and FIL is with new girlfriend).

Just really try to relax. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!! Thanksgiving is always at my sibling's house, I do Easter, etc. Try not to do too much at once.

For us--it is a big merry family event and we all look forward to T-givign and Xmas about 6 months in advance!! I am giddy already.

I agree that somebody mentioned it will simplify as everyone grows older. Also--my parents made the Holidays so special and so much fun and they passed that gift onto us as kids.

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds to me like your little one has a terrible ear infection this year. Oh boy! I guess you're under strict doctor's orders, huh? The poor thing.

Well, you take care.

Snerk.

Simplify, simplify.

Tradition has at my parents' house every Xmas Eve. This is something NONE of my siblings and I have EVER missed since my parents make it so special. My dad is 1/2 Italian- great chef and does lobster, jumbo shrimp..there is tons of wine, the kids open presents from aunts/uncles and grandparents. As siblings--we have never exchanged gifts once we became adults. There are great desserts. Opening of crackers, fire in the fireplace. My mom will give all the grandkids a bath before departure and put them in their pjs. We then lay out cookies/milk for Santa and straight to bed.

My MIL (fil is deceased) lives on the other coast with her sister and is always invited--but we dont' go out there for xmas. My sister is married to somebody from this area and was like you--but she solved it by only doing Xmas EVe with our family and Xmas Day with the inlaws. Brother is a bachelor.

My parents simplified Xmas day by doing a fancy lunch at a restaurant downtown (sometimes brunch at Ritz). We have a leisurely Xmas mornign with our own family, presents, playing, etc...and then get dressed up and head to lunch with my parents and brother (sister's family is now back in the mix since her MIL is deceased and FIL is with new girlfriend).

Just really try to relax. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!! Thanksgiving is always at my sibling's house, I do Easter, etc. Try not to do too much at once.

For us--it is a big merry family event and we all look forward to T-givign and Xmas about 6 months in advance!! I am giddy already.

OP, your Christmas day sounds exactly like mine and like you, I really hate the holiday. My family thinks I'm the biggest scrooge but they don't have to travel all over creation so they don't understand. I just had a baby this year and I have a new rule. I will have Christmas at my house and everyone is invited to come over. Now, in my case, that would be a max of 15-20 people so we're not talking about as many as you have. But that's the deal from here on out. I would much rather have to deal with putting the meal together than to travel all over the place.

I may be kicking myself for this on Dec 26th--we'll see how it pans out.

I don't celebrate Christmas but I do spend much of my life juggling the various elements in my and DH's family so take this FWIW.

You spend Christmas Eve and also Christmas afternoon with your family, yes? I am guessing Christmas Eve is just your parents (and siblings if you have any) and then Christmas afternoon is the whole extended family. I suspect, without knowing her, of course, that MIL is upset not only that you are late, but that you are late after spending the majority of the holiday with your family, and then her family gets shafted when you are inevitably late. You may or may not care

Especially since your BIL has to leave by a certain time to get to his in-laws, is there any chance you could do Christmas Eve with your husband's family? Then you wouldn't have to rush around all day on Christmas, you could spend the whole day with your family at your grandmother's.

Sounds to me like your little one has a terrible ear infection this year. Oh boy! I guess you're under strict doctor's orders, huh? The poor thing.

Well, you take care.

Is your relationship with MIL good otherwise? Is she a good grandmother? If not, I think Christmas is just one more manifestation of that ...

Can you maybe spend Christmas morning opening gifts with your in-laws for a less hectic time with them? Or, maybe have your DH go over by himself to bring the dish and at least represent the family?

My timeline:
Gifts my wife, daughter, and I all get for each other are split up -- some will be opened at my in-laws, others at my parents'.

Christmas Eve at the in-laws (my folks don't really like having overnight guests and there's nowhere for guests to really stay).
Christmas morning at the in-laws. We typically get up at 6am (our DD is a slacker, I'd get up at 5am most years) and leave at 11am or noon; my parents are about 30 minutes away.
Christmas lunch/dinner at my parents along with more gift opening. We'll leave at 4pm-6pm, depending on what's on TV, how well our DD is doing.
We either return home that evening or go back to my in-laws to stay some more (depends on daycare being open on Boxing Day, the day Christmas falls on, etc.)

We may give our DD a gift on Christmas Eve or after we get back, but half the time that's because we forgot something.

On the flip side, we always have Thanksgiving at my parents'; my sister-in-law has often had to work Thanksgiving, so Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws has usually ended up being whichever of Friday-Sunday she happens to be available for dinner (either at 1-2pm or 5-6pm).

It does help that everyone's normal and no one gets butthurt over trivia.

"Then we hop in the car for the almost hour drive to get to my in-laws, they eat at 6, so we rush to get there with whatever dish we are supposed to bring, plus all the gifts for everyone. Inevitably, we are late, so we eat whatever food is left, usually cold, and get the glares from MIL for being late, then my 2 year old is exhausted and miserable since he didn't nap, maybe a little in the car, and he usually goes to bed by 7:30 so he is a mess. They can't (or won't) do it any earlier since BIL has to leave by 7 to get to his in-laws.
So we try our best to keep our 2yo awake and semi-happy and we get out of there by maybe 9:30 or ten for the almost hour drive home."


This is the only part you seem to hate. Just figure out how to fix it so you enjoy your time. Since you're only being asked to spend Christmas evening with your in laws, why don't you just leave your family's house a little earlier so you're not late. That will eliminate the cold leftover food and glares from MIL problem. And, as someone pointed out earlier, either last year or this year is the only year your child will be two so, if he really does become a mess, it's not going to be an annual tradition. It's likely to be a one time event in his life.

What I always find is that my kids saved their meltdowns for the car ride and bedtime, which isn't such a big deal. I just put them in pj's before we left wherever we were and took a dvd player with me for the car ride.

You sound upset because trying (and failing) to make everyone else happy is making you miserable. I say embrace the angst. If there's some older relative that you want to see, then go see her. If no one is willing to bend just a bit to make your life easier, then screw them. Enjoy your kids and any family that's the least bit accommodating, and for everyone else, Merry F***ing Christmas!

Remember that your kids won't always be 2, and your grandmother won't be 85....
If it were me, I'd focus on what happens before and after Dec24/25. Establish some other great traditions that are less hectic and you can look forward to. The day itself may be crazy, (though I bet your kids absolutely LOVE it) but will only be a small part of what you look forward to and remember. For example, we do Brookside Gardens light display the day after, as soon as it opens at 5:30, every year. May be my favorite part of the holiday.

Another vote for trading off holidays.

BTW you're very blessed. Try to focus on that, and not on the stress, so your children can experience the holidays as a joyous time.

You only sounded negative about the last part. Can you get the grandmother part to run 1-2 hours earlier? Then you can get to MIL on time or early and ease some of those problems.

I was going to suggest trading off as well. Growing up we did my dad's family for Thanksgiving and my mom's family for Christmas (except for one of dad's family members who we'd visit on Christmas). It still entailed a lot of visiting on Christmas but it lessened how many people/places were involved.

trade off holidays. i know it means you won't see both families every holiday but it gived you a chance to focus and enjoy.

Let me explain why I hate it; we both have huge families that mostly live in the immediate area. It's really the only time to see some of the out of town relatives too so, Christmas eve is spent with my parents which is nice, we do a standing rib roast, etc. Christmas morning is for our kids which we love to do and it's also very nice.
Then go to my grandmothers, which we really can't miss since she is 85 and we get to see the 35 other relatives which is fun but insanely chaotic, but the kids love to play with my cousins kids, open gifts, etc. Then we leave right before they eat, so it's almost impossible to try to spend any amount of time even trying to say goodbye to everyone. so we are usually there from 2-5ish
Then we hop in the car for the almost hour drive to get to my in-laws, they eat at 6, so we rush to get there with whatever dish we are supposed to bring, plus all the gifts for everyone. Inevitably, we are late, so we eat whatever food is left, usually cold, and get the glares from MIL for being late, then my 2 year old is exhausted and miserable since he didn't nap, maybe a little in the car, and he usually goes to bed by 7:30 so he is a mess. They can't (or won't) do it any earlier since BIL has to leave by 7 to get to his in-laws.
So we try our best to keep our 2yo awake and semi-happy and we get out of there by maybe 9:30 or ten for the almost hour drive home
Merry $&@!ing Christmas.
I would love to enjoy the holidays, and I feel very blessed to have a lot of family, but it honestly makes me miserable! I dread even thinking about it
Any suggestions?