Anonymous wrote:No. You're not. I'm hoping this post is a joke, but if it isn't, you're husband is a huge asshole.

Finding other people attractive is fine. Commenting about it TO YOUR SPOUSE is entirely different. I would run for the hills from this man.

No, actually this is not the problem. DW and I do this all the time. They problem here is making comments after it's become clear that DW doesn't want to hear them. That's being an asshole.

Is this how most people feel about this kind of talk: "I understand that many other people are attractive, but I am not one of your buddies, I am your wife, I don't want to hear about it."? OP again. I think maybe I have an issue where I want to be everything to my husband - his friend, his lover, his wife, etc. Maybe I need to not be his friend quite so much and be ok with that. Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants you to feel insecure so you'll never leave him. This has been discussed in counseling and he's still doing it??? I would not want to be married to someone like this, but assuming you think it's worth discussing with him AGAIN.

I'd say this: "I understand that many other people are attractive, but I am not one of your buddies, I am your wife, I don't want to hear about it. I've asked you not to bring it up, it's time to respect that. As for my own weight, I want to be healthy, currently, I am not and need to gain a few pounds. I am going to work to be healthy and not too skinny, regardless of what you prefer. If you can't treat me with respect, we can end this and I will find someone who will. I'd tell you about all the attractive options available to me but I know that that's a cruel thing to do to your spouse."

Then, if he keeps it up, leave.

THIS. There are def control and respect issues here. Regardless of anything else, your husband should care enough about your feelings to nix the commentary. That you've been in counseling shows there are larger issues in the relationship as well.

I've been there OP, it can be really hard to take a firm stance on something you've been made to feel is an issue with you, but I'm telling you, it's a big, big red flag when the person you share your life with has no problem making you feel bad and tells you to get over it.

Everyone has disagreements, but overall your husband should want to please you and for you to be happy; this small adjustment on his part should be no big deal. If all he talks/thinks about is what makes him happy, regardless of how you feel, then it's obvious who he cares about -- just him!!

Christ almighty, your husband is a f'ing asshole.

Thanks again. We do have two children, unfortunately, which (not just this - combined with other things) is why I haven't yet left. I just talked to him and told him to stop and repeated how much it bothered me. He said he didn't realize, he was just talking about what popped into his mind, and that he will stop.

I'm not sure why I don't feel 100% satisfied with this though. Maybe because I know how frequently "hot chick...hot chick...hot chick" runs through his head now even though he's not saying it.

It's so weird how much control people can have over how you feel. Honestly, I look in the mirror and I think I look pretty good. But I really don't believe that he finds me all that attractive (even though he says he does). I want him to feel like he's lucky to have me, and I really think he's just thinking about how I'm fine, but average.

this can't be real. if it is, OP, this guy is AWFUL and abusive. leave him.

Sounds like he wants you to feel insecure so you'll never leave him. This has been discussed in counseling and he's still doing it??? I would not want to be married to someone like this, but assuming you think it's worth discussing with him AGAIN.

I'd say this: "I understand that many other people are attractive, but I am not one of your buddies, I am your wife, I don't want to hear about it. I've asked you not to bring it up, it's time to respect that. As for my own weight, I want to be healthy, currently, I am not and need to gain a few pounds. I am going to work to be healthy and not too skinny, regardless of what you prefer. If you can't treat me with respect, we can end this and I will find someone who will. I'd tell you about all the attractive options available to me but I know that that's a cruel thing to do to your spouse."

Then, if he keeps it up, leave.

OP - I hope you haven't reproduced with this jackass. Hire the best divoce attorney you can afford and dump his gnarly ass.

Lay off of the M&Ms. Stop using the word "like" in almost every paragraph.

The best revenge is living well. Very, very well.

oops - to the four of you!

Thanks to the three of you. Unfortunately, this is for real. I think I am trying to find a balance between accepting that he is human and thus attracted to other women and being respectful to me. He is obviously over that border. But I don't want to freak out and make him feel like I'm a hysterical jealous person either.

Yes, he's pretty much always been like this. And yes, I've told him many times they bother me. Even in counseling. I don't know what he wants me to respond to them.

No, you're not making too big a deal of this. Your DH sounds boorish, insensitive and controlling. I know it's easier said than done, but don't put up with it. Don't let him tell you how much you should weigh or what you should eat. Maintain what YOU think is a healthy weight. Tell him that the comments feel like put-downs and you don't want to hear them anymore. Try to say it in a firm but calm way, and walk away if he gets defensive or angry. You deserve better.

I hope this is a troll post.

OP, this is entirely inappropriate and your husband should NOT be making these comments to you. He might think it, I think a lot of people do, but he is beyond disrespectful.

Was he always like this? Have you told him the comments bother you?

Hugs to you.

Sorry you're married to an insensitive jerk. All I can think is to give him his own medicine back. Ask him to lose weight. Tell him about some hot guy in the office, etc. Go way overboard.

No. You're not. I'm hoping this post is a joke, but if it isn't, you're husband is a huge asshole.

Finding other people attractive is fine. Commenting about it TO YOUR SPOUSE is entirely different. I would run for the hills from this man.

DH frequently (like more than once or twice a day) makes comments about attractive women he sees out and about. For example, earlier today he called to thank me for telling him to walk through Union Station on his way to work because of all the hot women he sees walking through there. Then today at lunch I asked how his day was going and he said "oh pretty good. There was a woman visiting with ridiculous proportions wearing practically nothing." Ok great. These are pretty typical comments. What am I supposed to do with these? I think in the past I've just let them roll - I 100% recognize that people continue to be attractive when you're married and I have no problem with that (I'd be a hypocrite if I did since I know I look). But lately they're really bothering me. I've even asked him to tone it down and he just tells me he's just talking, they don't mean anything. Maybe combined with my second problem it's becoming more of an issue...

The other thing is that I think he thinks I'm fat. Which I am NOT. Like almost the opposite. I've always been thin, but this summer because of stress I've lost another 10 pounds and literally three or more people a day tell me they are worried about me because I look so thin. But just now he was looking at me disappointed because I had eaten a bag of M&Ms this morning. And I told him I wanted to gain some weight because my pants are all hanging off of me and it's driving me crazy fending off all these comments and he's like, "no just go buy some new pants - don't gain weight."

So I'm basically hearing - "you're not attractive, but man, look at all these other hot chicks." on a daily basis. Am I making too big a deal of this?